SPEAKER_02 0:03

Grab your glass and pull up a chair. It's time for your favorite girls' night in.

SPEAKER_01 0:07

Welcome to Pouring and Parenting, where your besties, Sill and Ainish.

SPEAKER_02 0:11

We're here to laugh through the chaos. Hello, Poors. Let's start the show. Hey, hey, hey. Welcome back to another episode of Pouring in Parenting. This is Einish. And I'm Sill. And we have a really fun episode laid out for you all today. So thank you again for joining us.

SPEAKER_01 0:32

Sil, how are you doing? I'm doing great. It is spring. I've been spring cleaning. The house is feeling good, so therefore I'm feeling good. How about you?

SPEAKER_02 0:41

Um, likewise, today was a little out of the ordinary. We were a little off tracks, but all in all, it was a good day, a pretty productive day. Got some laundry done. So no complaints here. The weather is getting warmer. So I don't know how I feel about that being out here in Texas, but we're starting to get a little cooler. My goodness. Well, today is a special day. And I'm will say that I am excited because we are recording episode two zero. We are on episode 20. 20. We did it. What a milestone. Listen, what a milestone that we are achieving. I remember episode one was scary. And here we are, 20 episodes later. We made it past the holidays. And thank you to all of the people that have been listening from day one. Thank you to any newbies that are listening to us now. We appreciate you being with us on this journey. And we hope that you continue as we continue to grow and progress. Also, as thank you guys so much. To also just bring this day even more alive, we have a guest that will be joining us today. That's also exciting. So, without further ado, let's introduce today's guest. From the world of an 18-year-old son and a 13-year-old daughter to the whirlwind of a five-year-old. This week's guest is truly parenting in the fast lane. We are thrilled to be joined by Deshaun, a dedicated father who is diving into the reality of balancing a demanding work schedule with the constant shuffle of co-parenting three kids at completely different life stages. When the calendar is this packed, sometimes you just have to shut up and drive. Grab a drink and let's get into it. Welcome to the show, Deshaun.

SPEAKER_06 2:42

Hey, thank you so much. I appreciate you guys.

SPEAKER_02 2:44

Yes, we appreciate you. Thank you for accepting the invite. We really appreciate your willingness to squeeze in some time for us, as we know you're a busy father. We're busy mamas. So thank you for pinning us in. So one thing that Sil and I always do on pouring and parenting is we ask each other what we poured today. So, Deshaun, we will start with you as our guests. What did you pour today?

SPEAKER_06 3:13

One of my uh good friends bringing me a housewarming gifts. I I usually don't drink, but today it's a little Bel Area and a little hepzy mix. Cheers.

SPEAKER_01 3:21

Okay, fancy.

SPEAKER_06 3:22

What are you guys drinking?

SPEAKER_01 3:23

I poured some Wilson Creek peach bellini. It is now my favorite of the Wilson Creeks. It's delicious.

SPEAKER_00 3:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 3:35

My nice, my now nice, healthy serving.

SPEAKER_02 3:38

Definitely a healthy serving. That's a healthy serving. Um I need crack. Listen, I cracked open a can and not so fancy as you two, but I poured it into a cup to keep it cute. Twisted tea. I have a raspberry flavored twisted tea. Good old twisted tea. That's my pour of choice. So cheers. Cheers. Cheers.

SPEAKER_06 4:03

For sure. For the parents in life.

SPEAKER_02 4:05

So before we get started, Deshaun, I do want to mention you are on social media, your Instagram handle for the listeners out there. If you are intrigued or inspired by his words today, make sure that you follow Deshaun on De Nero the Barber. Correct.

SPEAKER_04 4:21

Correct.

SPEAKER_02 4:21

We're gonna start the show off with some hot topics. And Deshaun, if you would be so kind to input any of your main thoughts or advice while we jump into these hot topics, we would appreciate that. The first parenting trend that we'll be discussing is the 777 rule. It's a trending simple strategy for presents involving seven minutes of focused connection in the morning, seven minutes after school or work, and seven minutes before bed. This 21-minute daily investment focuses on distraction-free bonding, strengthening the parent-child relationship without requiring hours of free time. Now, my question to the two of you is is this some a trend that you've heard of? I've never heard of that.

SPEAKER_06 5:14

I've never heard of that. I'll definitely look into that though. It's something for sure.

SPEAKER_01 5:19

So it's something. No man.

SPEAKER_02 5:24

So I I've never heard of the trend either. When I seen it, it caught my attention because I can see what parents would need this in their lives if they're living a very busy schedule. My initial thought was like, really? Like you have to time your energy with your kids. But then looking at the broader spectrum, I can see the necessity with where we're at in society, why people would for sure.

SPEAKER_06 5:48

No, for sure. Because my daughter, she tells me all the time, like that, you're always on your phone. I try to definitely put that down while I'm with my kids to make a connection or even just to focus on what they're doing. So, like I said, that's for sure something because we're always busy with work and stuff. So that's definitely something we can implement ourselves for sure.

SPEAKER_02 6:07

Right.

SPEAKER_01 6:08

So, what do you think about this trend? Yes, I agree with Deshaun. Um, my son too has always been like, can't you off your phone, like get on your phone again? And it's just a bad habit, especially if it's right there, just to pick it up. And I think it probably sounds really tedious, like, oh, okay, seven minutes. I don't think you're necessarily gonna put a timer on. All right, seven minutes and done, like I'm out of here, peace. Like, you know, but just making that attempt to be with your kid, you know, at least three times a day where you know you're not distracted with anything else.

SPEAKER_06 6:36

Definitely in a moment.

SPEAKER_01 6:38

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 6:38

I was thinking that same thought, still, about like, do you put a timer on? They're just seven minutes, I'm out of here. Yeah. So, you know, I'm not sure who's right. So I I'm not sure where the sources of this new trend, but like I said, I can see where the necessity of it is to, if anything, just have a set moment in your day three times a day that you're taking the time out to nurture and be present with your children. So I don't think that's a bad trend to start. And who knows, if you do put a timer on for seven minutes, maybe you'll get to the point to where you're pushing it back 10 minutes or just not even having the timer and you already know first thing in the morning, I'm gonna get up 30 minutes early. As soon as I got up, get off work, I'm gonna just let them talk. And I'm sure maybe that's what the logic is behind it, is that the seven minutes turns into something greater than the 21 minutes a day. Because then when it's like 21 minutes a day to spend with your kids' home's like absolutely nothing.

SPEAKER_06 7:34

Yeah, not facts. I mean, if you're that busy for sure, to where you like, you know, you gotta break it down to a seven-minute thing, then that's that's pretty crazy as well. Too that's something you definitely need to check into. For the most part, just throughout the day, my kids will see me, like she said. If it's right there, you're not even trying to be on the phone, you're just picking it up, just looking at it for no reason, random emails, throwing through Instagram, whatever it is, and they just see you focused on your phone and not actually them. Maybe not the time, but more looking into not being on your phone or being distracted for a period of time and just giving them that time for sure.

SPEAKER_02 8:15

Right. Yeah, I'm with that. So yeah, I guess we all agree that's a pretty decent, a decent trend. Okay, the next trend that we'll talk about is AI and technology use. We all know AI is taking over, okay? Parents are integrating AI apps to manage schedules, meal planning, and education while simultaneously trying to curb children's screen time and social media usage. So, pretty much from that, I'm grasping that parents are just looking for help. They're looking for that third arm to assist them throughout their day. If they were struggling with schedules with time management, they ran out of meals to make for the week, they're talking to their chat. How do you feel about that? So let's say Deshaun, how do you feel? I mean where does that take you?

SPEAKER_06 9:03

I can't, everybody's different, right? Everybody parenting different. Everybody looks for different type of skills or parenting suggestions. I'm old school, you know what I'm saying? It's just, it's what I say. When I'm when I don't want them on the screen time, there's no screen time. That's it. It's no, it's no schedule. As you know, I'm a busy dad, so my schedule is always different. It's bouncing. I couldn't even put my my kids on a schedule. I'm so much of a free-spirited type of parent, dad person, I couldn't hold my kids to like a certain schedule besides a school schedule or or a sleep schedule for that matter. I just think and just, I mean, to each his own with the parenting, whatever, whatever technology you may need to get it done. But with me, I just I'm not implementing that the AI system for things like that. I don't because I don't have that type of time. I couldn't even keep up with the schedule. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, oh, it's time to meal prep. It's time to meal prep. I'm like, bro, we're running 45 minutes behind of the whole system finish that down because yeah, I didn't, I didn't blew five appointment times, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 10:13

For real, okay. What about you, so what's your take on that?

SPEAKER_01 10:17

So, as far as like the schedules, the meal planning, even the education, like, no, no, thank you to that. I have a personal issue with AI in education for many reasons. If it's there to help, cool. But a lot of kids use it to do their homework or to do their research. And AI is not perfect, and the verbiage that it uses is usually not up to par to their grade level. They're using all these huge words. Oh my god, can you read this word to me? Like, what is this? So I I'm not a fan of AI um when it comes to stuff like that. Um, I like it for creativity purposes, to see all the cool things you can do with it, but to replace stuff like schedules and meal planning and education, I know that I I think that might be a little bit too much.

SPEAKER_02 11:07

Yeah, I know some people that use AI for for meal planning and prep work and for their specific lifestyles. I can see how that's benefiting them, but definitely in reference to children, I don't agree with it. Like you said, AI definitely has a very language that they use. Even on resumes, people are like, hey, we can decipher if this is AI. But I agree, I'm okay with making my own schedule. And Deshaun, I agree with you as far as I'd be behind schedule because AI, you doing too much. Well, I get some tips.

SPEAKER_06 11:41

Like if I need, I mean, I don't, I haven't not on parenting, but like part like you said, personal life might plan a little gym schedule for myself or a little workout plan or something I can I can follow. But to, you know, that's just for here and there. Tomorrow might not even work out. You know what I'm saying? So yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:59

Right. Every day is different. All right. Well, now that we got you all warmed up with these hot topics, Deshaun, let's redirect our attention to you. You are a popular barber that is known by the name De Niro the Barber, hence your Instagram handle. You are a working single father of three.

SPEAKER_05 12:20

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 12:21

And that's a lot. That's a plateful. And we understand that co-parenting is about creating a new safe space for the children, which takes a crazy amount of dedication. You're parenting a young child, a teenager, and a kindergartner all at once. What is the hardest part about switching gears from college career talk with your 18-year-old to potential boy talk with your 13-year-old daughter, and finally toy negotiation with your five-year-old?

SPEAKER_06 12:53

All right. Well, my son, he's taking a little break from school right now. So he's more focusing on um like the workforce right now, you know, helping out with his mom and his siblings, whatever he has to do on that end, which I don't mind. He's trying to be a young man, step up and do his thing. He's very smart, very, very dedicated to school. I'm supportive of what he's doing and let him do his own way. You know what I'm saying? My 13-year-old daughter, she knows how I feel about boys. She knows how I feel about school and education, and she knows how I feel about um like her activities and what she does, though. So she don't really give me too much problems with that stuff. Like boys, she she tried it, but I just let her know it's not time for that right now. You focus on your schoolwork, your basketball, things of that nature. Showing her the language. Even if she's communicating with a with a with a young boy at school, I'm showing her this is not the language. Look at the verbiage that's going on. This is how you know that's not right. You don't even know what's going on, so therefore, you know you're not, you're not ready. You can't even decode this right here. So therefore, you we we just know you're not ready. And when it's time for that, I will say yes. When it's time. If I'm saying no, just know it's not time. It's not because I'm saying no. I just don't want to keep you from things. It's just a no because it's not the time. I'm gonna give you a short quiz. If you don't pass it, then we know it's not time. Then my five-year-old, it's no, it's no negotiation. She's the boss. The toy situation, Target, Walmart, whatever toy store there is, then that's where we at. You can't negotiate with her. She's the boss by far. Can't win with her.

unknown 14:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:35

Which would you say is more challenging? Raising boys or girls?

SPEAKER_06 14:39

It's pretty, it's pretty equal for me, but I want to say girls because I have two girls, right? So one girl is like her mom, and then one girl is like me. We're both a problem. You know what I'm saying? Dealing with her mom personality is a problem. Dealing with me is a problem. Like facing, like facing yourself. When you know your true self, you like, yo, like, I don't like this person. I don't like their attitude. I don't like their character. But you know that person is you. This is me. My oldest is me. The little one is like her mom. My my son, he's cool. He's just the mom's boy. You know, he's he's really into his mom because he lives with his mom out in Atlanta. He's pretty much cool. He's easy. He's like, for understanding, my girls is like, uh, they're gross, so they're shut down fast. I it's I want to say it's like cool though, because my son, he be having his ways too, yeah. For sure. But it's it's not.

SPEAKER_01 15:35

So they they each have their own little surprises, right?

SPEAKER_06 15:38

Yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_01 15:40

So would you say your parenting approach is more authoritative? Are you chill, gentle, or a balance of the two, or does it depend on like one child to the next?

SPEAKER_06 15:49

I'm a cool parent. I'm not a gentle parent. I didn't come off a gentle parent. I didn't come off hard parenting either, but I'm definitely like not, oh, it's okay, like relax, breathe. I'm not that type of parent. I'm more so like, let's figure it out, get it done. If it discipline needs to be implemented, then discipline needs to be implemented. I'm just so blessed with my kids. I don't have too many problems for me to even implement certain things. I'm more so of an aggressive talker, if you want to say that. Not in a bad way. You know, I don't urge my kids out or any of that, but it's a tone. It's a different tone because it's always a peace tone. It's always a cool, hey, I'm joking. But if I uh, you know, get to a certain level of a different tone, my kids know. And then everything is cool. So if it's some schoolwork or if which rarely happens, or if my daughter didn't clean a room and I told her to, I'll just tell her, well, tomorrow when you come, your room's gonna be empty. And then she's, oh no, dad, okay, it's cool. Don't do that. She that's what she likes. So what I'm trying to say is this though, right? Each kid is different. So I tap into their situation. My daughter, she loves to decorate a room, buy stuff for a room. So that's a punishment. If she's on her phone too much at school, having her phone out for no reason, and the teacher calls her, all right, look, keep up with your phone, room gonna be empty. You're gonna be on the beanbag, you know, shit immediately. Just if you it and then her phone is valuable to her too, though. If you take her phone, then she's she's sick about that, right? I'm more so like cool parent when it comes to say her mama called and said she did XYZ at school. I had to take her phone. I'll see my daughter a couple days later, but I'll be like, ah man, you're gonna be all right. You know, I'm gonna get your phone back. The little one just she's whatever. Tell her to go sit down, she starts crying. She's good, and she's all right. Like, go sit down.

SPEAKER_04 17:46

Oh dad, don't.

SPEAKER_06 17:47

So it's pretty cool.

SPEAKER_02 17:50

Okay. Yeah, I think that's the same in households. You can't parent each kid the same. Kids are different. We're all individuals. Everyone's uh their own person and they have different triggers. So that's definitely relatable. I still and I had an episode where we discussed how we approached parenting a few episodes back. So I mean you're falling right into the norm, I would say, which which is I feel like exactly how once you parent when you have multiple kids.

SPEAKER_06 18:18

Yeah, definitely. You definitely gotta just, they're different. You gotta, you gotta parent, you gotta parent different with them. You like for sure. Like they're gonna do kid stuff. My little one did something. I'm like, that's something the kid'd do. It didn't harm her life, it didn't wasn't gonna end the world. So it's it's it's no big deal. Definitely gotta parent different on each kid for sure.

SPEAKER_01 18:39

Yeah, so it's letting kids be kids is the vibes I'm getting.

SPEAKER_06 18:42

Yeah, no, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 18:44

I do like that because I think so many parents want their kids like, oh no, you're gonna sit here and you're gonna do this, and you're gonna be disciplined, but let them also be kids. Let them run around the house, let them make a mess. Let them play in the dirt. Yeah, I like that. It it was hard. With my daughter, when she first started playing in the dirt, I was like, oh my gosh, she plays more in the dirt than my son did. What the heck? But you know what? It's fine. You'll shower, you'll be okay. Yeah, building that immunity.

SPEAKER_06 19:11

It's not the end of the world. It's just some dirt. Wipe yourself off. Let's go. She's having the time of her life out there playing in the dirt. She's not bothering you, not messing with her siblings. Okay, this is your zone. Make me a double mud pie, baby. You know what I'm saying? I'll take one. For sure. I'm with that. Take two. Yeah, I'll take two. Yeah, I'm with that. That's how I am.

SPEAKER_01 19:36

The research shows that involved single fathers are highly beneficial to children, leading children to have higher empathy and fewer emotional behavior issues. How do you encourage a bond between your kids when they're at different stages in their life?

SPEAKER_06 19:49

You're talking about a bond together with them? Oh, that's a good question. Between that's a good question. When I'm on personal dad time, for instance, it was spring break, right? 13-year-old in the house, five-year-old in the house. What are we doing? How can we get these two kids to go to one place and enjoy their self with their so-called cool dad? It's only so many places you can go with one kid, super wants to run, jump, go crazy, and then the other one kind of like just really don't want to be bothered with nobody. You know what I mean? So what do you do? It's not a not a struggle, but it's something. My kids have a big family, a lot of cousins and and and close relatives. So I just implement that. Like, let's bring a few people into this. Let's get you a cousin you can play with, let's get you a cousin you could play with, and then we just gonna all make it work. You know what I mean? We're gonna all come together. The bond is here. Um the kids is always on the game, messing with each other, bothering each other, op, you know, opening each other's door every five minutes. So the bond is there, it's just trying to basically find something to do outside of the house. That's the difficult part.

SPEAKER_01 20:59

Yeah, but that's good that they do have um a lot of cousins that you can call on and hey, come play, or you come over and hang out. Because like my kids have a six-year age gap. And right now it's it's not too bad, but I can see it getting like that where it's gonna be hard to go places because one of them's gonna be having the time of their life and the other one's gonna be bored.

SPEAKER_00 21:19

So struggle happening. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:23

It seems like it's something that you've clearly thought about and you've noticed. It's you know, you figured out a way to handle it on certain days by calling some cousins over, and I'm pretty sure the mommies and daddies appreciate the playtime. Oh, yeah. They made me have an interesting.

SPEAKER_06 21:38

When there's more people, I can I can come outside my comfort zone, and then we can, it's just now everybody's buying you with your sister, your siblings every day, all day, and then you have that age gap. It's like, come on, man, you bothered me all day. We gotta mix this up a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 21:54

Yes, yeah, absolutely. Right. And then with having three kids and a demanding. Job. How do you make sure that each child feels like they're getting their dad time that's specific to their needs?

SPEAKER_06 22:06

Man, I talk to my kids how I talk to just normal people. So I my kids are very smart. They understand, especially my 13-year-old daughter. She knows my grind. She knows my goals. She knows what I'm looking to have for them in the future. She's understanding that. When I when I'm I have to go to work, we have to go cut an extra head. My kids benefit from that. And I let them know in present time, these are the sacrifices that I'm doing. My five-year-old, it's quick, easy. Oh, we want to target them all and it's all good. And then when I tell her I'm not working, she's like, yeah, why are you not at work? Because we got to go to Target. You know, so make sure you go to work. So we go to Target, right? With that, with that said, I still, I still prioritize them because learning from just a life experience that work and money isn't everything. Time is more important than than anything, especially, especially time with your kids. In the moment, they don't care about college. They don't care about shoes. They don't care about anything. They just care about the time. We wish we had more time with a family member. We wish we had more time at home on spring break. So I take value in that. Like I'm finna spend all day with my kids, and I just like, yo, whatever y'all want, making three different meals, whatever y'all want to go, free day to do whatever. You want to get something off your cart. We here, let's go. Go to the grocery store, get snacks. Like, you know, it was just, I just made a day for them. I had to realize, like, yeah, uh, rent card note coming up. But you know, God always makes a way for me, you know? Like, you know, if I didn't have a job or I didn't have to go to work today, somehow, somehow I was gonna end up getting it anyway. So why not take this day off and just really appreciate them? I definitely try to prioritize that, but I do let them know, like, in the instance, yo, y'all see this nice stuff, y'all like, hey, let's go. I gotta go get it. And they they understand, so I let them know that. I am petty though. I do let them know, like, yo, I took today off work today. Y'all gotta let y'all know, like, I was supposed to get them channel today, you know. But today for y'all, you know, I let them know the sacrifices I'm making for them. I don't wanna be, I don't want that to be overlooked. I wanna be fair. Don't overlook that I took today off to, you know, make a a day for y'all happen as well. Because maybe they just thought I had a day off. I need credit for that. I need them dad points.

SPEAKER_03 24:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 24:27

So we like dad took the day off first, mom. Like, oh, he did? Like, yeah. Give me that. Give me them points.

SPEAKER_02 24:34

That's really great. One of the last things for this first half of the show active, positive, and healthy co-parenting demonstrates the importance of resilience, calm, and love for the children. How are you keeping everything organized while co-parenting with the mother of your children? You mentioned your daughter plays sports.

SPEAKER_06 24:57

Yeah, she plays basketball. It's it's simple. When it comes to that, we don't we don't have any problems. It the schedule, the schedule's the schedule. You know, it is what it is. If it's your day, it's your day. I might be working on my day that I have to pick up the kids. I'm gonna have to get the kids when I get off of work. When when it comes to uh scheduling, it's just, you know, the kids' event. We we showing up for the kids. It's no, it's no beef or anything like that. If I got the kids on Tuesday, you're taking the kids to the game that day. I see you at the game. That's just what it is. Or we might meet all together, like and go to the game together. It's all good. We keep that locked. I keep it cool with with the with the kids' moms, you know, my part. You know, they be trying to be trying to eh, you know what I'm saying? But I was like, nah, y'all gotta chill. I gotta chill. I'm doing my thing. I keep it cool. We for the kids, for sure, when it comes to the sporting events and the um activities, everything is 50-50, or you know, you do this one time, you do that, everything is all good.

SPEAKER_02 25:57

No, that's good. There's so many negative notions around co-parenting and baby mama, baby daddy drama. So being able to hear that you're giving healthy co-parenting vibes, that's great. It can be done is pretty much what your your say.

SPEAKER_06 26:14

Yeah, no, I mean, for sure, it's not all sweet and and oh, it's not always good. You know, I get text messages out the blue about certain things that I'm not doing, that I should be doing, or like for instance, even when we were just talking about the time factor, like putting a time factor with working and busy schedules. I mentioned to one of my kids' mom that I need to take some time for the kids to do these things. And they double back on me and made it seem like it was their idea. Like a forceful thing, like you need to take time off with the kids. Wait a minute. I mentioned that already, but since you wouldn't have said and make it your idea, okay, cool, you're right. I do need to take time off for the kids. If I go at a certain angle, then it's we're not co-parenting right because I'm not taking advice. But if I said, okay, even though I just already said that brilliant idea already, let's just do it, or I just confined to whatever she's saying, then the co-parenting is great. They're gonna have some issues. It's just all about how I redirect the energy back. But I'm human. Sometimes I I go in and like what? Can't tell me I'm not sure. But if I just be like, yeah, okay, then it's all then it's all good. It gets a little rocky for sure. Depending on just depending on the mother.

SPEAKER_01 27:31

But overall it seems pretty good.

SPEAKER_06 27:34

Nah, overall, it's overall it's good. It's a beautiful thing. Certain things I'm that's where that's where that's just like we're not gonna agree to everything.

SPEAKER_02 27:44

There it is. Right. We're not gonna agree to everything.

SPEAKER_06 27:48

Nah, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 27:49

Okay, so we're gonna move on to our sing to me segment. It's a game that we play every episode. I'll ask a question, uh, and it's based on song lyrics. So Nish um would need to answer the question correctly while singing it back to me. And then vice versa. Deshaun, if you know the answer, go ahead and chime in.

SPEAKER_02 28:11

We'll see who gets it first. Listen, the odds are with you because I'm not very good at this game.

SPEAKER_01 28:18

In Got Money, Lil Wayne is bouncing through the club and she loves the way he what? In Got Money, featuring T-Pain. I'll give you that one. Okay, he said love the way she does. He sound likes me. She's bouncing through the club and she loves the way he loves the way he did he bop. Is he right? Diddy bop? Yes. Who got it? You did. I don't even think I need said anything. He loves that way she diddy bop. I see her boyfriend. She he hating like a city cop. Yeah. Yep.

SPEAKER_00 28:52

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 28:53

Okay. Oh, you know, I'm a I'm a little way in there for sure. New Orleans in New Dirty.

SPEAKER_02 28:58

Okay, goodness.

SPEAKER_06 28:59

My team wouldn't even let me back. Everybody didn't even know that. They be watching this, they like, bro, you can't come back to New Orleans where you ain't know.

SPEAKER_02 29:05

Well, you better know that answer. You ain't back. You ain't coming back. I'm nervous. Okay, okay, my turn. This is easy. Easy, easy, easy. What time does Biggie's flight land in one more chance? What time does Biggie's flight land in one more chance?

SPEAKER_01 29:24

Both of you go. That's all I know. I can't even hear it. Like, dang you. You got me with the biggie song last time, too.

SPEAKER_02 29:31

Deshaun, you're really close.

SPEAKER_06 29:33

It's are you sure? It's nine. One more chance. It's is you see their eight or nine. Pick one. Well, you said it was eight, so it's nine. Because she no, hold on. My flight lands at eight. Because she comes in too, like at nine. Somebody comes in at nine.

SPEAKER_02 29:49

Is that right? Her flight leaves at eight.

SPEAKER_06 29:53

My flight lands at nine. Sorry, New York. We love Biggie, though. We love Biddy. I just can't get that. And I, you know, as soon as that song comes on the radio, you own it though. Like, you know, all the words. Hey, this is kind of hard when you when you don't have the lyrics on you, though. Like when you not know how to sound with it. This is a fun game, though.

SPEAKER_02 30:12

I'll be struggling.

SPEAKER_06 30:13

Definitely a game for game nine.

SPEAKER_02 30:16

Ladies and gentlemen, the answer is nine. Her flight left at eight. Biggie's flight lands at nine. My game just rewinds. Deshaun, you were very close, but you were definitely a little too concerned about what time she left.

SPEAKER_01 30:31

Next one. TI says his money stack is taller than who and bring him out. Bring him out. Shark. Shaq.

SPEAKER_02 30:39

I agree.

SPEAKER_01 30:39

Or two for one. I mean, I'm just sing the verse now. See, I I since Anish agrees, Anish, can you sing the verse? Or can you sing that part? Because you agree. So what is it like? Like it just rhymes.

SPEAKER_02 30:52

I feel okay. What's the what's the question again? Wow. T Ping says No, not T Pain.

SPEAKER_01 31:01

T I says his money stack is taller than who and bring them out.

SPEAKER_02 31:06

That's it. That's it. I'm done. I got nothing.

SPEAKER_01 31:08

Okay. I knew you didn't know it. So I knew you should get zero. Yes, Deshaun, you're right.

SPEAKER_00 31:16

Yeah, there you go. Yep. I'm back, man. When you talk about check, man. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:26

All right. Well, all right. Last one. Deshaun and still. This should be easy. I thought the last one is easy, but this one is really easy. What does Fat Joe let the ladies know from the gate in his song What's Love featuring Ja Rule and Ashanti?

SPEAKER_01 31:41

I don't, I don't go down, baby. You're right? I don't go down, baby.

SPEAKER_06 31:46

Yeah, that's what he said.

SPEAKER_01 31:47

Right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 31:49

That's what he said.

SPEAKER_04 31:54

Slow down, baby. That's it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:00

Okay. All right. All right. Well, Deshaun, you are a natural.

SPEAKER_06 32:04

I listen to music volunteer. That's the only thing I listen to music.

SPEAKER_02 32:09

Apparently, I don't. I think I do, and I don't. Okay, okay. We're moving into the second half of our show. Deshaun, we asked you a lot of questions regarding parenting as a single co-parenting father. And clearly, you are very loving and you are a very involved father. So we applaud you for being present and actively involved in your children's lives. We now want to talk about how you pour into yourself. How do you pour into Deshaun? How do you refill your cup? Is it safe to say before we push forward that you are currently on the market? Are you single?

SPEAKER_05 32:44

Yeah, I'm single.

SPEAKER_06 32:45

Definitely single. Okay. For sure.

SPEAKER_02 32:48

Okay. So, what are some ways that you actively pour into yourself? Do you take time to reset? What do you Deshaun do?

SPEAKER_06 32:59

I do everything. I meditate. Like I have a daily schedule, morning schedule. I'm not gonna get too much into it, but it consists of like meditation. I pray, work out, you know, I spend a lot of time alone, naked, uh, free. I'm a plant dad. You have plants, uh I read, and um, that's just how I get into myself, love myself, spend time a lot of time myself, and just in peace. Yeah, so that's pretty much why I'm still sitting on. I've been loving my I've been loving every bit of me, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 33:33

That's a great answer. A lot of people don't spend enough time with themselves. Everything you said is a beautiful self-awareness that you have. A lot of people get out of relationships and jump from one relationship to the next, not really figuring out what's the deal and not taking that time to be alone and learn themselves. So I I applaud you because that's difficult to do, to be in your own presence and to sit with yourself and be comfortable with just being by yourself. I think that's amazing and a great way to fill your own cup.

SPEAKER_06 34:06

Yeah, for sure. So let me tell you this story, right? It's just it's crazy because my ex was we we had a cool relationship. It was a little toxic. Everything like just started the wrong way. This unorthodox way of being in a relationship. And then we just end up being in a relationship, and then things happen into the relationship, right? But at the time I was going through Yeah, we could talk about that off camera one day. I was going through that whole toxic situation with her, right? I was going through a lot of stuff with like my personal life, with my family, my mom's situation, and everything that was going on, right? And outside of the toxic situations, she was a spiritual person. You know, she taught, taught me how to get into the plants. She had great qualities about her, right? And one of the great qualities about her was she was like, Have you ever did therapy or counseling or life coaching? And I was like, nah, I'm not opposed to any of that because I want to grow in life. I want to be able to deal with my fears, my passions, and my communications. So she was like, I know this person, you can call, you could talk to them. And that person helped me get away from her. You know what I'm saying? I was like, thank you. Like, because right, I start realizing, I start realizing I'm letting these things go on with her. It was a lot of this stuff I was going through, and I was accepting in life, and where I was trying to get to in life, like this person was all of that holding me back. Out of this negative, became a positive. She put me onto this great person and these other people that was, you know, willing and just helped me important to my life as well, helped me push her out of my life quick. Like the first two sessions, I was like, oh yeah, they they wasn't directly telling me like, okay, she's bad for you. They was just like, enlightened me on things, right? It was easier to talk to them and open up to them about my current situation. And that's what got me into the flow of like, you know, loving on myself and just spending a lot of time with myself. I've been single because I'm like, okay, well, just love me now. And I mean, I'll eventually I want to be in a relationship, but I still got some work to do for sure.

SPEAKER_02 36:15

That's great. Thank you for sharing that with us. Hopefully, if any other men are listening, they can feel comfortable with just spending that time by themselves. Like you don't always need eye candy on your arm to feel validated. Which which leads me into the next question. Is rumor has it that due to limited time, that men that are actively co-parenting in a healthy environment often skip playing games with women and are upfront about their intentions, intentions, which in return leaves them looking for partners who complement their busy family-focused lives. So are you currently dating? And if so, are you interested in entertaining the thought of marriage?

SPEAKER_06 36:59

Yeah, for sure. I'm not I'm not currently dating anybody at the at the moment, like casually dating anybody like that. Yeah, definitely, definitely uh marriage is definitely something I I would want to do. It's definitely in the future. I I'm not even gonna say if it happens or if it don't happen. Like it can happen, it's up to me. You know, I could get married tomorrow. But it's definitely something I want I would want to get into. Danger is on the list. But hopefully my future wife is doing the work that I'm doing right now. You know, I want to meet a woman that's that's doing the work that I'm doing right now, and the universe should just bring us together, you know, while we are we on that same journey. That's what I'm looking for. She has to be on that journey, like you know, she has to be praying for the things that I'm praying for. And you know, we'll get we'll find each other that way.

SPEAKER_01 37:48

Your lady, a friend, your partner, um that can working on herself just as much as you're working on yourself.

SPEAKER_06 37:55

Yeah, thank you so much.

SPEAKER_01 37:56

So I know you said that you're not currently dating, but when you have dated or when you plan to date, do you feel like your children will play any role when it comes to dating? Like, do you would would you or have you shared stories like dating stories with your older children or their mothers?

SPEAKER_06 38:10

I mean their moms, you know, they one mom, my my my daughter's mom. She's the recent one. But when it comes to me dating and women, I just keep that two separate things. My five-year-old, she she tells her mom, oh dad's a girlfriend. I'm like, what girl? You never seen anybody, you never see me FaceTime anybody, you know, whatever, right? But it's all good. I keep that separate right now because I want the same mutual respect. And it's we had situations. My last ex, she's been around, my little one, a couple times, but you know, that that thing goes well. It's a respect thing. If I came with a respectful situation, and then it, I feel like it goes smoothly. And the same with me. Like, she's had men around without the respect. My son mom, she did it correctly. When she met a new guy, she said, hey, I like this guy. I need you to meet him. I'm thinking about moving forward with this guy. Before he even meets her son, I want you to have a conversation with him. Now, that's respect. At the end of the day, she's gonna do what she wants to do. But since she came at me with the respect, I gotta already give her her blessing on that because she came properly. I met the guy, he was nothing like me at the time. At the time I was in the streets, I was a little rough on the edges. He was a good guy, he was military. He had a future, I had some things going on. This is a perfect look. You know what I'm saying? I blessed that. Good stepdad. Yo, when it comes to women, I don't even put them in play right now until I know that they're able to present themselves right. And then if my kid's mom is still hating after that, then I'm just rocking with that. Is you know, we're gonna have to just deal with her when we deal with her.

SPEAKER_02 39:52

But having that level of communication with your co-parent and setting those guidelines. That's great that the one mother was able to present that to you in such an adult manner. The fact that you're in a space now that you're finding yourself and it sounds like you're trying to ground yourself first before you take on a relationship is very commendable and something that I feel a lot more people should dabble into when it comes to dating and just cohabitating with other people.

SPEAKER_06 40:29

Because I'm not asking a woman to come in and just and fulfill a mom position. So I'm not asking that like super responsibility. It's more so for like me and them, but more so for me, because my kids you'll see them, you'll see them, and then you might not see them. So it it'll work out me being in a relationship moving forward, it'd be it'd be easy for me. It'll be easy for the woman. You have to consider the woman. My ex, she didn't have a kid. She ever edited a man with a kid. So that baby mama situation, me going to pick up my kids, those were issues. You was at your kid's mom too long. What would you guys do? Did your kids get picked up in the house? Did they get picked up in the parking lot? Like you know what I'm saying? Like, nah, I'm not you know, I ain't with none of that. I'm not going for that too much. You're not going for that no more. I'm not asking you to do anything. I'm just really just asking you to be a girlfriend and just be loving to my kids when it's time to be. They don't need no mom. Their mom is great. She's close, she's present, she's active. I need y'all to be cordial. I need you to be respectful to the whole situation and sensitive to the situation because of how the kids might feel when I do present. I have girls, so that's a whole different situation. You know, my son might just be like, hey, whatever. Even for mom resting, my mom rest in peace. She was so close to my daughter's mom. You know, when I try to present other women, she just wasn't going. Like she didn't care. We're gonna have to go to Mexico and get married and just just go somewhere far and never come back. Ain't nobody, ain't nobody messing with this, though. Like, you know what I mean? Because of the family dynamics and you know, the time spent. So yeah, my mom, she just wasn't going for it. Like, I was like, hey, I met this girl, she was really cool. She's she actually did a couple things for you. You didn't know, like, you know, I don't care about none of that. You know. So it gets it just depends. It gets difficult, but yeah. Yeah, think it'd be a good one.

SPEAKER_02 42:28

If anything, it's what I'm hearing though is that there's definitely a strong bond. Even if it's you tug of war, um it sounds like the it's something that you two are even now, maybe still working on and building up on. Five year old is five years old is still little when you really think about it. It just seems like you two are um working through the kinks and trying to still navigate.

SPEAKER_06 42:53

And that plays a part too. When you say five-year-old, right? You just like, oh, the five it's still new. He's still talking to the baby mama. Oh, he's already been down that road. It's another blessing, another five-year-old blessing, and and that's that. We we got it figured out.

SPEAKER_02 43:10

Oh, you made it. You made it to the end, Deshaun. We have one more game that will just be focusing on you, and we're gonna call this game the Rapid Pour. Now, Sul and I have played this game many episodes back. We um we're gonna bring it back for you. I'm going to ask you a question, which is either or, and I just need your answer. You picked one, that's your answer, you're sticking to it. Gotcha. All right. It's gonna be quick. Dating apps or meeting someone new in person.

SPEAKER_05 43:42

Person. In person.

SPEAKER_02 43:43

Salty or sweet. Salty or sweet.

SPEAKER_05 43:45

Sweet.

SPEAKER_02 43:46

Hot breakfast or cold breakfast.

SPEAKER_05 43:48

Cold breakfast.

SPEAKER_02 43:49

Newborn stage or teenager stage. Newborn. Homebody, or you're trying to be outside. Home body. Planned date or a spontaneous date.

SPEAKER_06 43:59

Spontaneous. That's a good one because it's kind of both. I I want to go spontaneous though. I like to plan dates. I'm a good date planner, but then I don't want to let's hop in the whip and let's see what's out there and get into it. But spontaneous.

SPEAKER_02 44:12

Work from home or work outside the home.

SPEAKER_06 44:15

Put me in the put me in the field. I gotta be outside working. Gotta see the people.

SPEAKER_02 44:19

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 44:20

Books or movies? Books.

SPEAKER_02 44:22

Comedy or drama?

SPEAKER_06 44:24

Books. Comedy. For sure. We gotta laugh. I love laughs. Saving movies, bro. Hold on. These are hard though. Like comedy or like yeah, come on. Come on. I'm a guy though. Like, yeah, these are hard questions right here. For sure.

SPEAKER_02 44:41

You're doing great, bro.

SPEAKER_06 44:42

We gotta have a good laugh though. Laughter laughter is good for the show. I wanna laugh every day, for sure. Absolutely. Okay. Okay. Favorite movie. All times coming to America. Celebrity Crush. My celebrity crush is Lizzo. Okay. I love Lizzo. I mean, I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_02 45:03

Well, you should have came down to Houston. She was in Houston for the Houston rodeo. So my sister had seen her at the radio. And a and you know, I I heard really great things about her performance.

SPEAKER_06 45:14

So yeah, but Lizzo for sure. That's my bad. You know what? I love I love women with confidence. She she's just an outgoing person. You know, when she was when she was big, she got confidence. She she did her little lost thing. I'm about the journey. Just loving yourself. She she shows confidence. That's where I'm at in life. You know what I'm saying? Just being 100% myself, unapologetically representing positive things and really loving me no matter what. You know. And that's that's what I get from Lizzo.

SPEAKER_02 45:42

She's gorgeous. I heard nothing but but positive feedback from her performance, the Houston rodeo. So I'm here for it.

SPEAKER_06 45:52

So Lizzo, you ever watch this podcast and I'm still single?

SPEAKER_02 45:56

Blink bleep.

SPEAKER_06 45:57

The narrative barber gets to be out to be out. Hit us up, Lizzo. Yeah, you know, you can see that. Hit us up, we'll find her for you. Hit the podcast at ABC.

SPEAKER_01 46:05

All right, so to make sure that she follows you, Deshaun, can you remind our pourers on how they can find you to connect and follow you?

SPEAKER_06 46:14

I'm just on Instagram. It's Daenerys the Barber. Daenerys the Barber. Instagram follow. You can contact me there for sure.

SPEAKER_02 46:23

All right, Lizzo. That one's for you. That's a wrap. So you heard that, ladies and gentlemen. And Lizzo specifically, please give Deshaun a follow. We will also be attaching Deshaun's handle throughout our platforms. A huge thank yous, Deshaun, for letting us ride shotgun through the chaos of work, dating, and the age gap that you're navigating within your life with your children.

SPEAKER_06 46:52

I appreciate that. Thank you for having me. Uh amazing podcast. I love what y'all are doing because there's so many people in the world who be having questions, having problems, having the same type of situations. And they need somebody to talk to. They need to podcast. People they don't they don't know where to get the help from. They don't they don't have the sources, or they just need somebody to say, I'm just like you. I got the same situation, or I can relate to that. And it just makes them feel comfortable. Like, okay, this is normal. It makes makes life more easier. You know, people definitely need this podcast. This is amazing what you guys are doing for dads and moms. Hopefully, uh, you guys just take off and and write a book. I want to I wanted to be able to buy y'all a book one day. I'm a big reader. So some coffee mugs, some merch from you guys, hopefully, so I can represent while I'm out.

SPEAKER_02 47:37

That's in the working. That's in the making.

SPEAKER_06 47:39

Yeah, get that merch.

SPEAKER_02 47:40

That's in the making, but hold on.

SPEAKER_06 47:42

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get that merch for me to represent.

SPEAKER_03 47:45

Yeah.

unknown 47:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 47:48

And maybe have a live show. I want to come on the live show.

SPEAKER_01 47:55

That definitely needs to go down. I said that needs to go down. It's a high speed life, but you're handling it like a pro. To everyone listening, whether you're in a carpool lane or finally hitting the couch, thanks for joining the conversation. If you haven't found us on social media yet, please do so. Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and Snapchat. We post a lot of fun content. Look us up and hit the follow button so you don't miss anything.

SPEAKER_02 48:19

We'll be back next week with more stories, more struggles, and definitely more pours.

SPEAKER_01 48:25

Until then, keep your energy high and your glasses full. Thank you for listening to another episode of Pouring and Parenting.

SPEAKER_02 48:31

Where Stuff happens and we pour about it.