SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hi, and welcome to another episode of Pouring and Parenting. I'm Sil and I'm Anish. Thanks for tuning in. We are in for a fun episode for today. Ainish, how are you doing? I'm doing really good actually. Thank you for asking. How are you? I'm doing good. It's been uh a very fun day. Um, what is your pour for the day? My pour for today is a Washington apple. And I usually order it. This is my first time making it, so I'm excited about that. What did you pour today? So I one of the reasons that my date was fun is that I took a trip to the store near my house, and it's like it's kind of like a mini bevmo. There's so much alcohol and just different types of alcohol in there. So earlier in the week, I got a recipe or was sent a recipe from my aunt for a pineapple upside-down cake drink. It calls for cake vodka, pineapple juice, and grenadine. I could not find cake vodka at this one place that had like all the vodka flavors. Cake was not one of them. But I improvised and I got vanilla because I was like, hey, typically just cake flavor is like vanilla. My gosh, it is so good and it's so pretty. Okay, so cheers.

SPEAKER_01 1:17

Yes, we forgot cheers.

unknown 1:18

Dink!

SPEAKER_00 1:21

So good. All right, so today we are diving into social media when it comes to marriage and relationships. Anish and I will provide insight on some of these very interesting cries for help and even crazier comments left by total strangers. Let's go ahead and get into segment one. So, first let's start off with our hot topics. First one is Coachella. Social media is blowing up with a bunch of Coachella footage, but one of the ones that stood out to me was poor versus rich. Okay, so the poor, well, I guess the less wealthier, I don't want to call people poor, but the less wealthier of the people who go to Coachella as opposed to the actual rich people who go to Coachella. Have you seen any of this online? Not to that dynamic that you're speaking about. Just listening to what the words that are coming out of your mouth. I am going to assume that is it the distance that they're at versus the next person. I've never been to Coachella, so I feel like it's a free-for-all. And in my head, I feel like every seat is a good seat because you're in the space and you pay for your tickets for the day that you want to be to see the artists that you want to see. Right. Okay. All right. So I've never been to Coachella either. And I've always like wondered like, would I even be able to hang? Like it's like so many days, unless I go for that one day. But even then, it just seems so chaotic. And I just can't do people like that. Like in our clubbing days, we could be in the club and just, you know, brush our arms against other sweaty people, and it wasn't a big deal. Uh today, I don't, I can't. Don't touch me. Don't rub against me. Don't none of that. But so what was intriguing is this poor versus rich trend that I'm seeing online is how totally different it is for just the normal people or like the normal class to do Coachella. So I'm seeing very, very, very long lines to shower. So they have like public showers. The lines are like hours long from what I've seen. They're in the hot sun. Could just imagine you're trying to shower and you're like in the hot sun for like that long. Just people just look miserable. There's like sand and dirt everywhere. People are camping in their cars, they're camping with like pop-up tents, but the weather, it's hot out there. It's in the desert. There's um a lot of people who like are like struggling to even get the food there. The food's really expensive. The water seems reasonable, but and then there's like long distances to get from one place to another. If you're trying to like rent an Airbnb out there, I saw an influencer who she got a pretty good deal with her Airbnb, but it's like really far away. So she's like, hopefully it works out. She went for one of the two weeks. Um, and she's just kind of like, I don't hopefully I'm not making a mistake because it it is a distance, but they save money. It seems like the average price that people pay for the weekend is around $2,500. And that's probably not including everything. Like it's kind of like your basic setup, your basic ticket, basic food, you know, maybe not even alcohol in that case. There was an influencer who paid over like $200,000 for her experience, which is insane. Like I just can't imagine spending $200,000 is crazy. Yeah, so much. And I'm sure that included like stuff for her friends and all that. But like really, for a weekend, that's what you're spending. Like it's it's just out of control. And Kylie Jenner like shares like her Palm Springs family home and like her luxurious stay and all that. So like they're having a great time. I mean, but you can't compare even putting her in the same category with other people is crazy. Kylie Jenner is the jinner is at at that. Right.

unknown 5:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:10

To be a regular regulator. This is just what I'm seeing on social media. Okay, this is these are like the comparisons. But yeah, you're right. Maybe the influencer who spent 200 grand is probably more relatable than Kylie Jenner, who's a billionaire. But even then, like just their accommodations from someone with, you know, a general ticket and just normal your everyday person compared to an influencer is so out of control. But even then, like it's just like night and day. And the the people, the normal day people, like in what I saw, like other than like during the concert time, all the other time, they just look so like miserable. They're struggling to shower, they're struggling, you know, with their hygiene, their living quarters, like it's freaking hot as heck. And I'm just like, oh, how do people do this? Like, it's giving me Woodstock vibes. There was a documentary on the Woodstock 99 in New York. Did you ever see that one? It's crazy. So just really quickly, and just what I the horrible stuff that I remember seeing is like it was so crowded. It was like one of the biggest events in history with the amount of people that were there. There was this, I think that the city cut off like the water supply or something. So they were like just total outrage, like just rioting at some point, like just vandalizing the places. Uh, the bathrooms were like overflowing and there was like sewage all over the place. It was like people were getting molested, people were getting uh beat up. I think someone got stabbed. It is insane. And I was like, what? Why? Why do people put themselves in this situation? I don't get it. But to all you Coachella goers, just have fun, be safe, and you know, just dang. I mean, I guess if you have the money, okay, if not safe for the couple years to at least have a decent experience. Yeah, yeah. I'm yeah, yeah, it's years later. Woodstock was so many years ago before a lot of these coachella goers were even thought of. And so the fact that I I didn't even know they offered the accommodations that you're mentioning, like showers, to me, I didn't even know that was a thing. So at this point, do your research before you go on a very aggressive camping trip, is how I see it. It just seems like a hardcore camping trip that you need to prepare for. And I hope that you all do that next year because it's behind us now. So if you went, I hope you had a grand time and tell us that you had a grand time. And if you didn't go, do your research for next year at the Coachella because there are really good performers that go there. Bieber went there this year, yeah. It's all it's not all negative. There are so many amazing performers that go, and so many people have a really good time when they go there. They called it the Bieber cella or something. And in his night. Yes, and so it's not negative. I'm pretty sure the people at Woodstock, the ones that didn't get stabbed that night, had a good time. And but like seriously, like everything's it doesn't have to be so negative. So have a good time, go out there. I'm not a camper, I don't see myself ever going. I don't like to be hot, I don't want to camp, I don't like to tent. I don't want to fight for anything, but you know, do you do your research? And they do have a lot of different things that you can find on like Amazon. I'm trying to think of the word I'm looking for, but different things on Amazon, and there's a whole bunch of different little spaces you that you can go to to find your own porta potty that you can set up tent and set up shop, and you don't have to wait in the lines. So investigate your year ahead. If you want to go to Coachella next year, find your own personal prototype for you and your friends, rent your Airbnb today, next week, before next year happens. Take the steps that you need to take to make sure that you have a good time at Coachella. You won't see us there, but you will have a good time. And just to clarify, if we get that artist pass, we will be there. We will be there. Now, again, if we get invited, we will definitely be there. And if they challenge us to do what we just told you to do, I'll do it. And I will definitely order everything that I said to order. But if they offer us a home, so believe we will be in a home. Don't judge us. And done. Okay. So a next trend that we're gonna discuss is asking social media for personal advice. So I'm sure that all of us have at one point come across a post or 10 about someone asking for advice. And sometimes it can be like really personal. Typically they're anonymous, but why do people go to social media for personal advice? So one of the five reasons is accessibility and speed. So there's plenty of platforms out there. You know, we have Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, Threads, X, YouTube, you know, and probably so many others that I don't didn't even think of, uh, where you can get uh advice rather quickly and from a range of perspectives. So that could be a reason why people go out looking for personal advice. The second one we're gonna be discussing is cost effectiveness. Professional services such as therapy or counseling are expensive as opposed to posting and asking questions for free. You have to pay for a professional to talk to you, which makes sense, right? They went to school, they have the tools to help you to get through the problems that you're going through. So hopping on social media and sifting through the responses that may come to you are definitely feasible as opposed to making an appointment and reaching out to someone to sit and discuss with you what your problem is. So that's it is what it is. It's cheaper to do that. Absolutely. Yep. You get your questions out, you get some advice. Hopefully it's good advice though, right? Yes. Our next one is niche expertise. So social media allows people to connect with others facing similar situations, either in relationships, maybe medical diagnosis or unique home improvements. So, for example, in a relationship, maybe you're in a marriage, you would go to like a marriage group that you find on social media. If you're like single, you maybe go to a single group. Um, if you just got diagnosed with diabetes, for example, you maybe find a diabetes group to help you find people in your similar situation. When you have a question, you ask it, and hopefully you'll get the responses that will fit your unique situation. Absolutely. Anotomy. Reduce judgment. Being anonymous allows users to share sensitive matters that they may be embarrassed to share and therefore don't experience as much judgment since they are unknown to others. That, if anything, to me, that's the top reason. Don't nobody know what I'm asking. I don't have my friends to judge me. You're not gonna judge me, you don't know who I am. The crazy thing is I didn't know that was a thing on Facebook, but there is a there must be an anonymous tag on Facebook, and they have like sunglasses. Right? They have they look like an inspector gadget with their goggles on, and they are anonymous. No one knows what they're saying. My wife can't find me, my husband can't find me, my friend can't find me, whoever I'm talking about right now in this moment can't find me and judge me and tell me or help me alleviate this problem that I'm dealing with. So, to me, that's that's big. You can't find me, so I'm gonna go to the people of the internet of the world and ask this question and talk about you right in front of your face, maybe. Right? Yeah, I'm gonna go to the same group you follow and spell synonymous. Oh my gosh. All right, and last but not least is validation. The desire to know if what you are experiencing is normal. But it can also provide a temporary emotional boost. So sometimes, like for example, with a certain relationship issue or medical diagnosis, uh, or whatever it is that you're going through, getting that validation, okay, I'm not alone. Other people are experiencing this as well, can be helpful and provide you that boost that you need. It might be temporary, but regardless of boost nonetheless. I love everything that just happened right now. And I hope that the people listening love that too. Right? It's good stuff. Moving on. Do people rely too much on social media when it comes to asking for relationship help and advice? Ainish, have you ever asked for any type of relationship advice on social media? No, I'm pretty pregnant per se. Yes, I have asked social media to guide me with a movie suggestion, a jogging route, or a book suggestion, but nothing personal to where it was deep, if that answers your question. It does. And I think a lot of people who don't are probably in that boat, same boat with you. But with that being said, why do you think so many people take to social media to ask for such personal advice? You know, they're asking complete strangers. So what what do you think is the reason for that? I think a lot of their reasoning has to do with what we just stated. They're not getting judgment. A reason why a lot of people go to therapists is that you're getting a a clear eye view. It's a clear eye view on your situation. They can't judge you. It's your word against their word, and then here's these new set of fresh ears. And so I feel that people would go to social media because maybe they've just gone to their friends so much that they're just like, you know what? You're so judgy and I don't like your answer, or they just don't want to hear what their friends are telling them. There's I feel like there's so many aspects as to why one may not go to their insight source. And maybe that's my reason too. Honestly, I don't know. I know my reason. I just don't want my business out there. And I don't even tell my friends low-key. But I think that a lot of it just has to do with potentially being judged so people can go on there being anonymous. And honestly, just everything that we listed before, I feel is the reason why people don't go to their friends and they go to turn they they turn to social media because of what we just said. Okay, and that makes sense. I think for me, it's more of like, okay, I'm gonna get these answers from complete strangers who don't know the whole context. So I've seen some so like posts that are so long, you know, they're like putting in what you would think is the whole story. But as a reader on social media, you still don't get all of the information. So you just make a judgment or a comment based on what you just read. But you don't know the whole story. And I think that, you know, just like if we were like talking and I'm telling you like about maybe a fight between like me and my brother or whatever, I'm gonna tell you my side of the story. And I might tell you just those things that make me sound good. You know, but there's two sides to a story in social media on those posts, you very rarely get those two sides. So you're gonna get that, those comments that are probably gonna be more in your favor and more of getting what you want to hear because you want to move that way, and that's like your validation. Uh, but that doesn't mean it's correct. You know, it's like going to that friend who, you know, is so down with you, but you're like in the same rocky boat that they're gonna give you the advice that they would do. And it's you know, you're both in a bad, same boat. So like you're just gonna do crazy things together instead of you know getting like that good solid advice. But I guess also doing crazy stuff together, though. I mean, like I would support her though too. Like I would support my crazy friend. But yes, I hear you. But you see what I mean? Like you're only giving the parts that probably suit you and make you look good, right? People don't typically make themselves look bad and they're trying to ask for advice. Um, I also have never, at least I don't think I have gone to social media for any personal advice or relationship advice. However, I have needed a plumber before. I have needed references to maybe like a caterer and stuff like that. So that's typically when I go because I want to get though that feedback, those references and reviews. But as far as asking for personal advice, I don't because I really think one, people are gonna give me some crazy advice and have people to go to. And unfortunately, I don't think everyone does. So that could be like another reason. And and you know, aside from being judged, is that you just might not have anyone to go to, and therefore you go to social media. Only thing I would say is please make sure if you're on social media that you really do pay attention to what those comments are saying as far as are they good quality answers? Is it just what you want to hear, or are you really hearing what you need to hear? Because I'm sure you're asking for a reason, but if you already have an agenda when you're asking, it's probably gonna be just like a moot point. Right. Yeah, listen to your instinct. When we have start or in your intuition, listen to your intuition. Hopefully, it's a good intuition if you're on that streak of intuitions, but make good judgment calls. Make sure you reach out to a friend that is in a space that you maybe want to be in, and not in an envious way, but in a I admire you way. And there's a difference between that. There's a difference between being envious and admiration. So make sure you understand the definition between the two before you direct your attention to that particular friend. And so reach out to who you feel you need to reach out to. Yeah, and you know what to add to that? Today, when I was looking through social media and trying to get inspiration for today's episode, I got a post that popped up and it was basically talking about having those party fun friends and then having your safe friends. Now, when you're at a young age, you're probably just gonna really want the majority of your party friends, you know, your friends that you're you know, you're gonna get wild and reckless with, right? But at a certain point, you do need those safe friends, those friends that will really be there with you um through the hard times, the ones that aren't gonna just tell you what you want to hear, who aren't gonna just put you in harm's way just because they're also trying to have a fun time. So keep that in mind when you're out there looking for advice. Are you gonna go to your party friends for advice or are you going to your safe friends? And if you don't have a safe friend, please message us. We will be your safe friend. Okay. We will give you the advice. We might not say what you want to hear, but we will tell you how it is. Absolutely. We will absolutely be your safe friends when no questions asked. Just say the word, safe. We got you. And we'll be right there. DM us, message us, our ears. DM us, message us, text us, safe, and heard. We got you. And done. All right, and moving on to our next topic. So we're gonna dive into some actual social media posts and Christ for help. Before we get into the sex one, let's talk about mother-in-laws. So, I should what type of relationship would you say you have with your mother-in-law? I love her with all my heart, and she has my heart forever. That was very scripted, right? Miss Asish. No, I've known my mother-in-law for 20 plus years. We've had a hiccup at one point, and that was, you know, gosh, maybe eight years and two us knowing each other. She's raised two men and one woman. And she's amazing, honestly. She's literally amazing. And when we had our hiccup, I felt like she was raising a boy at the time. And I needed her to, you know, and you know, maybe he needed his mother's help to finish raising him. I married that man now. So keep up with my words, ladies and gentlemen. But I love her to death. She's amazing. She is she's really good at being a mother-in-law. She's great at being the a granny, she's great at being a mom to her sons and her daughter. So no complaints here. Okay. All right, well, good. I'm I'm glad that you do. As for me, as for me, I have the utmost respect for my mother-in-law. We we don't have like a really close relationship, but when we're around each other, there's nothing but good vibes. You know, once again, it's utmost respect. No complaints that I have about her. But let's see how you would feel if you had this mother in law, Anish. So, in this social media video, there is a family getting into their car. They look like they're gonna go somewhere. Obviously, they're getting in their car. And the girlfriend, okay. So after I did some digging and context, this is a girlfriend, her boyfriend, their kids, and a mother-in-law. So they're all walking out, the girlfriend gets in the front seat, the kids are getting in the back, maybe five seconds into the girlfriend being in the front seat. Mother-in-law comes out and she's like, What are you doing? Okay, and she wasn't, it was not in a nice tone. She's like, What are you doing? I'm not sitting back there. I'm not gonna go back there. What are you doing? And you know, you can't really hear too much of what the girlfriend is saying. You can kind of and she seemed calm, but she could tell, like, I'm sitting, I'm sitting in the seat, you know? And she's like, No, the mother-in-law's, I'm not gonna sit in the back. You need to go to the back. So then boyfriend steps in. Boyfriend was helping get the kids in the car, and he says to his girlfriend, like, go to the back, basically. Like it's not a big deal, like it's not that deep, with the were his words, get in the back. And then mother-in-law chimes in, yeah, it's not a big deal, get in the back. So the girlfriend gets out of the car and says, I'm taking my own car. Mother-in-law flips out. Really? You're having to do all that? Blah, blah, blah. It's not a big deal. Sit in the back. What the heck? Okay, so like a lot happened here. Who do you think was in the wrong? Because someone's wrong here. Who's in the wrong? I think definitely the whole situation wasn't handle right. She's a girlfriend. Did they have kids? I don't know. Yes, they do. They have kids together. So she got in the car of her son's baby's mama's situation, right? They have kids, whatever. So you know what? Let me stop you there. I forgot a crucial point. At the end, when the girlfriend was walking to the car, the mother-in-law, or I guess you could say unofficial mother-in-law is yelling out at her, This is why y'all ain't married yet. Blah, blah, blah. All this stuff. And the girlfriend's not talking back, like she's not being disrespectful, but you could tell she's trying to get out of that situation. So, with that being said, go ahead. Think the girlfriend handled handled. I definitely think that the girlfriend handled herself accordingly with respect. My biggest thing, always respect the mother of your boyfriend. I don't care how disrespectful that they may come at you, respect them. Because they're dealing with something greater than you can understand in that moment. And not saying, I don't think I'll get there, but respect them. They're your elders. It is what it is. The boyfriend had a decision to make and he chose. He made his decision. And if anything, that's why you're not a wife, because he's still uplifting his mother. I think that the girlfriend, you know, she did what she went to the front seat. That's where that's where I sit, girl. This is this is my seat. You're visiting us today or you're here today on a random occasion. I sit in the front seat. Girl, this is my man, not your man. So I don't blame the girlfriend for getting me in the front seat. That's my seat. Your son didn't tell me to sit in the back. If your son would have said, hey, my mom's come in. Do you mind sitting in the back seat? If they had that discussion, that might have been one thing. I wouldn't mind if that was the case. Cool. I respect that. But we didn't have that discussion. No, I think the girlfriend did. It's fine. No, I sat in the front seat. This is my seat, girl. He's my man, not your man. Get your own man. Where's his? Where's that? Where's that man for you? Where's Grandpa? Where's Grandpa at? And so I that's that's my answer. I think I I side with the girlfriend. If there's a I don't know what her question is. It does she feel like she was out of pocket. Like, what was the question that she had? So basically, what would you do in this situation? Yeah, no. I'm not gonna get in the backseat to appease you. Yes, I'm glad that she decided to hop in her own vehicle. Because and if anything, I'm not, I can't even deal with your son anymore. I'm bringing up a damn, I'll take care of the kids. We can we can have that, but I'm not gonna sit up here because this is my future dealing with you, and how you're gonna deal with that? Like now I gotta ask you before is your mom coming? Do I gotta get in the backseat? Like, that's crazy. Do when do I sit in the back seat? Mom's coming, let me sit in the backseat. And not saying that his mom needs to sit in the backseat, though, but he didn't make that clear. And clearly he didn't know that that that that might have been the vibe. Oh, it's not that big of a deal. You're right, it's not that big of a deal. But like, but here we are. But here, but here we are right now in this moment, and now it's that big of a deal. And you're telling me to get in the backseat because now it's that big of a deal because I haven't sat in the backseat since I've dated you, but now your mom wants to get in the cars. Oh, I'd pop off. Right? So what got me was a sense of entitlement from the mother, from the mother-in-law. Now, I think just if I were in the situation, like I said, I have the utmost respect for my mother-in-law. And I I've done this before. Whenever she's gotten in the car with us, I ask her, Do you want to sit in the front? Or if my father-in-law is with us, do you want to sit in the front? Okay, so I like I know, I don't say I know my place, that sounds crazy, but I'm gonna give them that respect. If you want to sit in the front, you know, with your son, go ahead. I can sit in the back with the kids, it's not a big deal. But the sense of entitlement that this mother-in-law had when, you know, the the girlfriend was already sitting there. Like that, like you said, that is her seat. And she went up to her and was like, get in the back. Like, don't talk to me like that, first off. Like I am the mother of your grandchildren. Don't talk to me like that. Like, where is the respect? And then for the boyfriend to also step up, step up for his mom and not his girlfriend, like you sleep in the bed with me. You live in the house with me, not your mom. You can go back to your mom's house if you're gonna be like that. Like, don't be telling me it's not a big deal. Tell your mom it's not a big deal. She gets hit her ass in the back if she's gonna come at me like that. Cause at this point, there's no respect, you know. So I also think the girlfriend did the best she could do in that situation and got in the car. But in this case, I think both mother-in-law and son are at fault because he should have stuck up for her because clearly they are a couple, you know, wedding ring or not. Um, and the disrespect that she gave, that the mother-in-law gave to what could well probably not this point, her future daughter-in-law, like that that's not gonna work.

SPEAKER_01 28:03

Right.

SPEAKER_00 28:03

So they need to cut the cord. Okay, that son needs to detach the umbilical cord himself. Get out of here. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, that was crazy. That's what I was like, oh hell no. It's not going out. I thought I was, I I've been in a situation like that. And I think I went to the back seat too, and my mother-in-law was like, girl, get in the front. I don't know how you drive. And if anything, she was probably risking my life over hers. I was okay with that. Okay, so moving on to our next question. Um, or next social media user. How do you handle your husband having female coworkers? Has it ever been an issue with the fact that he has female co-workers? Like I said, boundaries that you put, or is it just like you know better? You're asking me? Girl, not him knowing other women. No, I'm just kidding. No, that's like there's no other females on earth but you and I. That's right. No, he could the boy live your life. I dare, I dare you, I dare, is my energy. And if anything, he knows my energy. Don't play in my face. I have a story. There's one story that I can tell you about. We there was a a work function that they do every year, and that was the first work function that we all went to. And we're laughing. Okay. We went to the work function. It was at a bowling alley, very similar to a Dave and Busters. I'm not sure where all of our listeners or or all of our pourers are listening from, but Dave and Busters has it all. It's a it's it's an adult arcade that you can bring your kids to, you know, I guess, or don't. But they serve alcohol, food. They have this particular place had a bowling alley. So does Dave has doesn't Dave and Busters have a bowling alley? I don't know, actually. So this place we went to had a bowling alley, but it included everything. They had arcades, everything. Anyway, we went there. As soon as we walked in there, a young lady went up to my husband and was like, hey, and give him this big old hug. And here I stand to the side of him watching this embrace, a full embrace, mind you. She was little, my husband's tall, and so he had this, you know, he had to bow down and and scoop her. He didn't pick her up or nothing because I would have knocked them both. Oh my god. He didn't scoop her up or anything crazy like that. But he, after he was finishing the embrace, I instantly, and I was, I told him, she better watch out. And he immediately responded, I know, right? And I'm and oh I was like, okay, you understand, you understand my sentiments. Now, obviously, that's probably how they embrace when I'm not present, and that's okay. That's a work-life situation. I didn't feel any weird vibes when he embraced her, outside of the fact that she did it in front of me, like, girl, get your life together. Hella. Right. I'm sure he has to be friendly at work, not that friendly. So, no, I don't care. You're at work. He ain't got no work wife. Don't come home talking about your work wife. Don't come home saying crazy stuff about what you did with so-and-so at work. So our relationship is, it is what it is. I trust my husband 100%. If he has work friends, that's fine. I encountered that moment and I whispered in his ear and told him she needs to watch herself, which means you need to check your energy around these co-workers of yours. And he understood the assignment. We never had any issues after that. So yeah, he he deals with women all day. My husband, uh, you know, he works at a he works with it's a co people, right? What do they call that? Co um co-ed. It's co-ed where my husband works. There are men and women. As most workplaces are, it's really hard to find a workplace with just males or females. You work at a jail, and even at a jail cell, women are getting pregnant in in illicit in race. But you know what I'm saying? So it is yeah, a little far away. I'm just saying, like, you know, you can work wherever you work, wherever you think you want to work, there's always gonna be the opposite sex. I don't just have sense.

SPEAKER_01 32:22

Don't be right.

SPEAKER_00 32:23

I agree. Okay, so this social media user asked for advice after her husband receives a text from a female coworker. So this is the post. How do you guys feel about your significant other getting coworkers' numbers? One of my husband's coworkers texted him at 1 a.m. and there was no previous message thread as if it had been deleted. I called the woman and she informed me it's only work-related and she's aware he has a family, and that she was responding to a text he sent her earlier, which he deleted. She also told me they've talked on the phone before. It's very fishy. She goes on to add, we have only been married six months. He clearly isn't trustworthy, and I'm not naive. I served him with separation papers he won't sign, asked me to be patient with him while he goes to therapy, but I made sure to document the separation. I am prepared to move on. And so I'm reading this and I'm like, whoa, okay, so clearly there is an issue here. He's getting a text at 1 a.m. But what she doesn't say was what was text. I think we needed that information. Like, what what did she text him? Like, what was that? So I'm thinking it had to be something that wasn't like part one is in, you know, section two, you know, like I don't know, work lingo. Um, but the fact that the previous text wasn't there either and things have been deleted, you know, and he's asking to go to therapy, it's like, okay, you're guilty. You know, and six months in, what is your advice here? Like if she was asking you directly, what would be your advice? Like you just said, there there's not enough context. How long were they dating? What did the message say? But also, why are you texting your coworker in the wee hours of the night? I know I just said my husband got a hug for someone, and that tipped me off the edge in front of my face. I hug co-workers at work. Every time I walk into work, I'm hugging people. I don't want to see it. And I know that my husband wasn't receiving text messages from these women. So for her to see that message coming in from a co-worker and it's a brand new thread, but whatever her in-work message appeared to look like a response for something that he said, but he deleted is telling me. Again, I don't, I won't say get a divorce or not get a divorce because I don't know how long y'all were dating. Did you meet last year and you got married seven months later? Who knows? My parents knew each other for a short amount of time and got married. So, girl, write another story and tell us that you wrote it so we can give you a better response, is my response. That's my response because I'm not gonna tell you what to do, but I'm not gonna tell you to force your to divorce your husband because I don't know what the rest of your story is. Right. Yeah, I just think is okay, there has to be boundaries. And if you're getting a text at one in the morning and this woman allegedly knows you have a family, there is no reason for her to be responding to whatever your nonsense was earlier at one in the morning if it was work-related. But you're not sending an appropriate message at one in the morning. I don't think so. Unless your shift starts at two o'clock and so she's letting you know something right before. But even then, if you are off the clock, you should not be texting anybody at those hours. That is insane. So yeah, I would fucking flip. I would flip, I would have done the same thing, I would have called her. Like, why? You know, like we're all three-way right now. What's going on, you know? Like pull three way, right? Surprise. This we're on the phone. Everybody's on the phone. Right? We're getting all the information. Ryan's roses next, like all that stuff. Ryan's roses. For our for our next user, we have another one with a similar coworker issue. This one, however, is a little more intense. This user is upset because her husband, in his work setting, has eaten lunch, has eaten his lunch with the only female co-worker in the office. So let me read you the story. My husband works at a small car lot as the mechanic. There is a female that works the desk. I've never met her, but after this incident, I did find a pic of her on Facebook. He sent me a picture of his lunch at his break, and I noticed a laptop and a drink at his desk. I told him his lunch looks good and asked if his front desk girl was on break also. He said, She just got back. I have a boundary in my marriage, that I am not alone with another man, and I don't put myself in a position to be drawn into an emotional affair type situation. I feel that I shouldn't even have to bring up the fact he doesn't need to take his lunch where he would be alone with her. But he says that I don't trust him. No, I trust him almost 100%. I don't know her, but regardless, it's not appropriate by my standard to sit in the office with her alone to have lunch. I'm not comfortable with it. Some people I think are just a little too controlling. What do you think? Yeah, that sounds a little obsessive that it was just in the picture. So yeah, I guess she saw a picture, right? But I think what is like kind of annoying about this one user is like it doesn't fit my standard to sit in the office with her alone. Like she has these really intricate standards and boundaries. Like, so you think because he's eating lunch with the only female coworker in the office, like you you're eating, like, you know, it's just you're making something out of nothing. He's eating his lunch. She happened to be eating her lunch at the same time, you know, whatever the case is. Now he's having an emotional affair. Now he's crossing the boundaries and you're not comfortable with this standard, you know. And she says, you know, that she makes it a point to not be alone with any man. So I I I can get that. Like, okay, if you're gonna be, you know, in a bedroom or in a, you know, even like in the living room, you're not gonna be alone with this one man for an extent extended amount of time. But he is in his workplace. If there's only one lunch room, then does he have to go eat in the car because you're uncomfortable? Right. Because you're in your standard. Yeah. Right? Like I mean, guys are dumb, but I don't think they're that dumb to where they're gonna expose themselves in a cheating situation. So the comments here were interesting. Okay. So one comment says, You have all the right to say something. He can sit with other dudes to have lunch, but not with the girl. Go eat lunch with him at least once a week. Surprise him and take him something yummy. Don't listen to that user. Don't really, you can only eat lunch with the guys there. That's it. So God forbid the girl comes in to have lunches, he has to like just take his food and leave. No. Run away from me. Like just because you're you think there's gonna be some type of emotional affair. Now, why'd you marry that man? It's my thing. Right? Why'd you marry that man? If you don't trust your man, why'd you marry that man? That's crazy to me. I think it's like that's crazy to think that that's it. It is so crazy. This is why it could be dangerous to post on social media for advice. You get advice from strangers, and this lady who kind of seems already a very controlling might see this first comment and be like, You're right, I should take him lunch to work. You know what? As a matter of fact, I'm not gonna go once a week, I'm gonna go every day now. To me, it's a lot. That's excessive. And you're gonna just, oh, take heed to it. You don't know what they're going through. You don't know where their source of advice is coming from. It could be coming from a dark place. And you could be in a in a light place and you just need someone to say, go just fall back. You know, he works at Chick-fil-A and they're off on Sundays and they worship the Lord the other days. You know, whatever the whatever the energy is, it doesn't have to be so negative that the internet's gonna give you. Because people just make up social medias to be mean, right? Basically, trolls. Yeah. So that's crazy. Yeah, if someone else wrote, and this is a really long one, so I'm not gonna read the entire thing, but basically saying how he is a free man, he can have lunch or put himself wherever he wants. You, however, might feel very vulnerable and susceptible for an emotional affair situation. So maybe you just made it inward. No, something wrong with me. Well, I mean, this is what other people are writing. Like, it's crazy. Like, this person took their time to write so much. And then, like, by your standard, it's not appropriate to sit in the office with her alone or to have lunch. So you don't do it. Have lunches with your coworkers. Your standards are better, not according to your standards, equal wrong. Finally, here we come to the merit. You are not comfortable with it. Who is responsible for your comfort? Are you afraid he's gonna turn on you and have an emotional affair and he will leave you? Yes. Which is very possible.

SPEAKER_01 41:16

Yeah, yes, yes, I am.

SPEAKER_00 41:17

He is not responsible for you feeling uncomfortable. It is a trigger you can work on in therapy to figure out what is still unhealed. Addiction to control, expectations, marriage equals prison. Lots of things to work on. And it goes on and on and on. But I was just like, why do you like in this case? Can you turn that off? Turn off commenting.

unknown 41:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:38

Turn off commenting. You're you're inviting that energy into your space. That's why I would never go to social media to you ain't gonna help me. You're not gonna fix me. You're not, I don't care. I literally don't care about what social media says about nothing when it comes to that. That's why I'll never ask you for your advice or your opinions. So I I would hope that if you're listening and you do go to social media, that if you do choose to do that, choose people because we're like, you really, and then at the end of this, we're like, hit us up if you have questions, right? But we we also want to say that make sure that the energy that you're putting yourself into, you know that the output is gonna be something positive for you. We're not gonna blast you in a sense of we're gonna, oh, we're telling everybody about what you just said or whatever. But if you put yourself on a Facebook post or Instagram post and just laid out there for the wolves or the sharks to come at you, that's completely different. But if you're specific and you're, you know, I guess just specific about where you're gonna go to and and and put your energy into, that's different. I think that people that went on to Oprah or Dr. Oz and all those TV shows back in the heyday, they were very specific because they were professionals, right? Not saying that we're professionals by any means, but they cared about, they cared about you. So if you feel that you can't go inward within your circle or your village and you need you and you're like, no, I have to go outside of my village, just make sure you find a village that will take care of your energy or your heart or your vibe. We will. We're not gonna bash you. And honestly, if somebody tries to bash you, we're gonna we're not gonna allow that or whatever. But just make sure you find yourself in a safe space online because there's a lot of dark spaces out there. So much, so much dark spaces. I mean that I can go on and on of those comments. Like they were going in on her, you know, based on what she put out there, I can see why. But at the same time, I'm pretty sure her reason for going was to get solid advice. And instead she received just the opposite for sure, you know. All right. And then for our last one. So Einish, do you have your husband's passwords for his phone, social media, emails, bank accounts, etc.? Yes. Okay. So what do you how do you think you would react if you went and asked your husband, and we'll just keep it simple, for his phone password. And he said, no, this is my private stuff. How do you think you might react? The older niece reacted very aggressively and I was angry. So that's how I would have reacted. I can't even speak that into reality now because it won't happen. What about you? Okay. All right, good answer. So I also have, I don't have all his passwords, um, but I do have his phone password. And I mean, I I think if he was to tell me, no, you can't have my password, I would definitely take it a certain way, not because I don't trust him, but because it would just feel like why, why would you not want to share it with me? Like, what do you think I'm gonna do with that information? Uh, and I'm not gonna lie, I forget his passwords more often than not. Um, but it's just like that trust. Like, you know, you can trust me with your stuff. Am I gonna go through all your stuff? Depending on my mood, you know, but it's and just to be clear, there are times where I go through his text messages, but it is not for any trust issues, is because he forgets to tell me important things like parties, birthdays, events, whatever the case is, he forgets to tell me. So sometimes I have to go through his phone. And he's not I'll just take his phone, you know, when he's like, I'll just take it in front of him, you know, like it's not a big deal. Um and he already like he's just like, okay, whatever, you know, because it's there's nothing that to necessarily hide, but there are things that he forgets. But it in 100% it's not like a trust issue thing. And he has the password to my phone and he can get into any of my stuff if he wanted to. It's not a big deal. But this user, okay, is asking if it is necessary for both partners to know each other's um for social media, phones, etc. And what if your partner doesn't want to share them because of privacy? So I feel like we both kind of just talked about that, you know, like it's just in your relationship, it just wouldn't happen. In my relationship, I would feel a certain type of way. Um, because it's more like, not what are you hiding, but why don't you trust me with that information? But I think a lot of people would see it as what are you hiding? Like, why can't I go through your stuff? So some of the comments were interesting. This one says that they shouldn't have to. If you don't trust them, you shouldn't have married them. It doesn't mean they're cheating just because you don't give out their passcode. My husband and I don't look through each other's phone because we trust each other. Now, really quick, I'll defend myself. I do go through my husband's phone, it has nothing to do with trust. Um, another comment says, I think that's fine, but say I left my phone at home and needed to use his, he should be 100% fine with me using it. I would be concerned if he wasn't. And then if you had nothing to hide, why why does it matter? All right, so a lot of people are on the fence. Yes, I was sharing my password, like it's not a big deal. And others are like, no, it's my privacy. Um, you should trust me. But once again, I feel like it shouldn't be as far as like you should trust me to not cheat, um, or you should just trust me in general. But it it's not about a cheating thing. Um, now, if your relationship has had those issues, I think that's a little bit different. You know, that's a whole nother topic. And, you know, just let's just say husband and wife, for example, like you really shouldn't be hiding much from me. You know, I should be able to get into your phone just fine without there being an issue. And it's not because I'm trying to snoop, it's not because I'm trying to get you caught up. Like that's not the case at all. It has nothing to do with cheating and infidelity, it has to do with just trusting me to go through your stuff. Like, what privacy do you need from me? Because you're all up in my privacy. Right. Why do I need you know, that that's gone. That is gone. Okay. But all right, that is what we have for social media comments. We are gonna dive in to our sing to me segment. So for those of you who have been tuning in, uh, you know that it has been kind of a roller coaster lately for me. Anish is on her way to doing a lot better, I feel. Um, but we'll see how that goes. But if you are new to the Sing to Me segment, basically how it goes is I will ask Anish a question based on song lyrics, and not only does she need to answer them correctly, but she needs to sing them back to me. And then she'll ask me the same type of question, vice versa. Okay, so are we ready to begin? Yes, ma'am. All right, so let's see. And because of you, why can't Kelly Clarkson's heart possibly break? Some people. I don't know. You know, I think that was before my time um getting into her vibe. I like her. What is that? What was that? So my heart can't possibly break when it wasn't even whole to stop here.

SPEAKER_01 49:23

Those are beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 49:26

Yeah, such a good song. She was so young too when she's um put that song out. Oh no, I yeah, I can't say I was a fan just yet. At that time. Well, now I need you to listen. And you need to listen to your kabadu. Fine. Okay. This one I feel like is easy. Keisha Cole doesn't want who in her song Let It Go, featuring Missy Elliott and Little Kim. She doesn't want who? Yes. Okay, what song again? Let it go. Wait, what's the question? I gotta write this one down. She doesn't want who? Yes. Keisha Cole doesn't want who in her song. Let it go. Featuring Missy Elliott and Little Kim. For some reason, okay.

SPEAKER_01 50:08

He's gonna love you the way he should let him go. He ain't gonna treat you the way she let it go.

SPEAKER_00 50:19

I don't want some doesn't want someone who Wait, what? Time's up. Shoot, I don't know. I feel like that the wording of that question is stumping me. Okay. Here we go.

SPEAKER_01 50:30

I don't want your man. Young man's were calling me, trying to get me to see.

SPEAKER_00 50:37

I didn't even get to that part of the song. Oh my gosh. Okay, doesn't want your man. Yeah. Dang it, yeah. Alrighty. Miley Cyrus only wanted to break what in Wrecking Ball. Uh me, right? That's part of the song. Is that not the answer? That is not the answer. She only didn't want to not break what she came in like a wrecking ball. Never fell so hard in love. Like, is that the lyrics? If not, then I need to write a song because that's what I would have wrote. I never felt so fell so hard in love. I don't know. Okay. Final answers, I don't know. What is the question? Miley Cyrus only wanted to break what in Wrecking Ball. Is it in the chorus? It's in there. Right. Well, after that, you were so close. All I wanted was to break your walls.

SPEAKER_01 51:32

All you ever did was wreck me.

SPEAKER_00 51:38

You were so close. I was like, oh, she's about to say it. There's no way she's not gonna say it. No, all the other words in the chorus. Well fine. All right. This question is on trend. What was the girl spinning in Usher's ear in his song, Yeah? What does that mean? It's on trend. That's crazy. Clearly. Is it part of the lyrics or part of the music video? I even heard of it. Okay, what did you even say again? The question is on trend as far as Usher. Okay, oh, is it? I mean, okay. Usher's a hot topic right now. Usher's a hot topic right now because he just announced that he's going on tour with Chris Brown's ladies and gentlemen. I did see that. So this question is on trend with Usher being that being that he's going on tour with Le Chris Brown. What was the girl spitting in Usher's ear in his song Yeah? Okay. That she oh my god. So take it up right up.

SPEAKER_01 52:38

Time's together.

SPEAKER_00 52:38

You spent a lot of time on Wrecking Ball. Um saying that she knew me? Wait, oh hold on.

SPEAKER_01 52:59

Time's up. Put your final answer.

SPEAKER_00 53:01

Shoot, hold on, wait. Wait. What is your final answer? That she knew me. Spitting game that she knew me. That's my final answer. That's the answer. Spitting game. Ladies, get your ticket to see Usher and Chris Brown and make sure they you told them that we sent you, even though you're not gonna get anything because we don't know that. Sad. That was sad. But yay, at least we're both not losers. This would have been a really sad game. You lost both. I almost lost both, but I didn't. Hooray! All right, poor. So we are at the end of our episode. Um, it was a fun one just listening to all of the posts out there and kind of seeing what advice we would give to those who are posting relationship help or advice, mother-in-law issues, you know, just our own take on it. So that was fun. Thank you for tuning in. But if you ever need an ear and you don't want to turn to social media as a whole, and maybe you want to see our perspective on your situation, please feel free to reach out. You can email us at pouringandparenting at gmail.com. You can send us a DM. Just look for pouring and parenting on Instagram, Facebook, whichever platform works best for you. We are on it. We have fan mail that you can send, but feel free to reach out and we will do our very best to give you non-bias and safe, safe advice. Yes, definitely giving safe advice. Not gonna lead you astray. Thank you so much for tuning in and just hanging in there with us. All right, Poris, thank you for listening to Pouring and Parenting. Where sip happens and we pour about it.