Grab your glass and pull up a chair. It's time for your favorite girls' night in. Welcome to Pouring and Parenting. We're your besties, Syl and Ainish. We're here to laugh through the chaos. Hello, Poors. Let's start the show. Hi, thanks for joining us for another episode of Pouring and Parenting. I'm Sil. And I'm Anish. Thanks for being with us today. Einish, how's it going? It is going amazing, actually. How are you doing? I'm doing well. I'm getting ready to celebrate Father's Day, which is what we're going to be talking about. We're kind of torn on. Well, I'm kind of torn on what to get my husband for Father's Day. But hopefully by the end of this episode, that will be figured out. Okay. Yes. I never know what to get him. It's so annoying. And they're so easy, too. It's so it's so it's really annoying, actually, because they really don't care, I feel. I know. It's easy, but it's hard. That part. That makes sense. Yeah. Today's episode, we are celebrating fathers, the ones who raised us, the ones we raised with, and the ones who raised the children of others. We will discuss how we celebrate these wonderful men in our lives and also how to navigate the day when a piece of your heart is missing. But before we get started, Ainish, what are you drinking today? I decided to pour my typical second go-to drink, which is an old fashioned with the splash of orange juice because I'm still trying to fight through that bottle that I had a few weeks ago. If you are a true listener, you know what I'm talking about. But I have an old-fashioned. I added some orange juice. I'm doing it for the men today, even though they're probably gonna call me a punk because I put orange juice in it. So well, hey, you know what? You need your vitamins, so it is what it is. Today I'm actually drinking uh Lambrusco with the splash of Sprite. So this is in honor of my dad. He he didn't drink for a long time. And then when he started drinking again, this for some reason, I don't even know how was his go-to drink. So I decided to pour one of these for him today. So yeah, I mean it's good. It just adds a little carbonation and sweetness to the Lambrusco. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Good choice. I love it. So cheers. Yeah, man. I feel the vitamins going running through my veins. Still a lady. I'm a lady first, gentlemen. Who is she though? That's her husband. She only all right. So let's go ahead and get started. Let's go into Father's Day trends. So, what do you typically do for Father's Day? The first one is the do nothing day. So you're shifting away from forced, overscheduled family outings. Dads are increasingly asking for a completely unscheduled day, guilt-free, gaming, sleeping in, or watching sports solo. What do you think about this one? Why not? We talked about Mother's Day, getting away from the family. So I a hundred percent agree with the men wanting that moment of whatever nagging is to them. Don't bother me. I'm watching sports and give them that space, give them that peace. I see nothing wrong with that. If that's what you want to do, and I'll say the same thing, like I said, with Mother Day, if they're an active father and they are doing the work and putting forth the energy that fathers need to do, and the same with mothers, 100%. Give that man that space, let him watch the sports. I think going to the movies alone or just I mean, watching movies at home, Netflix and chill type stuff. I don't know. Yeah, guilt-free gaming. Yeah. I fully agree with that. If that's what they're requesting, a do nothing day. Hey, what do you want for Father's Day? I don't want anything outside of peace and quiet. If they have a man cave, we've talked about man caves a few episodes back. They want to go on their main man cave and you not bother them. Movie date by themselves. They can watch an aggressive movie that has all the violence that they desire in it. Or just whatever they want to do that day. I think that that would be a great. And honestly, I I would love that. I'm already with the kids all day anyway. What's what's today? What's one more day? What's one more day? And then I don't have to bother you or nag you. Yes, please. Please leave the house and or stay in the house and find a hole to hide in so the kids don't bother you. So I agree with, I agree with that for sure. Yeah, that seems pretty easy peasy. I'll make you lunch or dinner or whatever. You know, go buy out and you just hide. Yeah. Or go to a bar. Hey, it's your day. Yeah, I like it. I like it. Who doesn't want to go to a strip club? What if they wanted to include that in their day? How'd you feel? It's a little over the top. Okay. Yeah, no. I'd be hard to do it on Father's Day. Like you'd be going to a strip club on Father's Day. That's that sounds crazy. I wonder, I would love to have a dancer here and ask what Father's Day looks like in the in the club. Very serious. All the deadbeats. All the fucking deadbeats are in there. I mean, though my baby mama won't let me see my baby. All the ones who don't pay their child support because they're freaking paying the strippers. I would love to know what the crowd is like on that day. Or maybe the couples go. Maybe the wives take their husbands to the strip club as a treat. So anyway. Okay, let's move on to the next trend. Experimental dad dates. Instead of a traditional family dinner, families are booking interactive experiences like high-tech golf simulators, top golf, for instance, escape rooms, at escape rooms, axe throwing, or brewery tours. Those all sound fun to me. So yeah. How do you feel about that? Yeah, no, so I think was it last year or maybe the year before? My sister-in-laws and I, we scheduled like a yeah, like a dad's date. We scheduled uh with Top Golf. I reserved it and everything for them to go for, I think it was like two hours or so. And again, all the dads went, some of the boys went, and they were the DDs. They're old enough to drive. So yeah, all the dads went over there. And then after a few hours or a couple hours, they came back to my sister-in-law's house and we like barbecued and we got in the pool. Like it was a good time. They came back a little buzzed. Like they had a good time being able to just hang out with each other. No kids running around, no one, you know, no wives around. Like, and they just got to do boy things. So yeah. I mean, I would want to go one day, but I mean that could be a separate time. But yeah, just something interactive that they don't tech you know, normally do. I think that's fun. I think that's a great idea. I would I'm and I'm pretty sure my husband would love to do that as well. They all scattered to different states and whatnot. So for the local dads or families that are in the same state or within the same vicinity, I think that's a really great option. If all the the wives or wags, wives and girlfriends can get together and put that on. I mean, if these women can buy the same Amazon shirts and go on vacation and surprise her husband, I'm pretty sure getting a dad date together would be super, super appreciated. They could talk crap about the mom or whatever they do. Or just appreciate us. My gosh, they're so amazing. They did this for us. Yikes. That's a hard keep the dream alive, girl. Will do. All right, and for our next one is wellness and self-care experiences. So normalizing dad wellness. We talk about this all the time for moms. Let's give a massage or spa day, whatever. Well, you know what? Dads need that too. So more fathers are celebrating by asking for high-end dip, deep tissue massages, spa days, chiropractic adjustments, or even just solo mental health hikes. I love that. I 100% love it. One of my girlfriends does this on a regular for her man. And he's really into wellness, so I can see why she enters that space to gift him that. But she's definitely gifted him massages. No, I don't know about the other stuff, but she's definitely done that. Oh, spa day. She's done the spa day and she's done massages for him. So I think that's a really great option if you haven't tapped into that space yet with your man. Okay, trends. I like it. Yeah, pretty good trends. I like it. Yeah. You know what's funny? And I know I'm not the only one who notices this, but why does it seem that Mother's Day, I mean, if we it's already a given, like Mother's Day is just so much more chaotic, but Father's Day just seems so much more relaxed and chill. Like, why can't Mother's Day be more relaxed and chill? Because we're not relaxed and chill. Good point. We make a we make a big fuss. Yeah, I guess so. But I mean, I liked all these things. A do nothing day, a dad day, and we can do mom dates, wellness and self- I love all of them. I don't understand. I don't get it. Why is this so difficult? But guys are just chill. Guys are chill and they're used to the the tie or well, the socks, whatever they get. These are definitely great trends to get out of the norm that you may or may not be doing. Right. I like it. Yeah, just like going uh to breakfast or whatever, you know. Yes. Okay. All right, moving on into our next segment. So the death of the tie. He just said socks, right? The death of the tie. So we no longer, most people no longer gift their dad or their husbands ties for Father's Day. I mean, really, who really wears a tie every day? Like it's just a sl very small population of men. Uh-so, no more novelty ties or tools they already own. Like, I wouldn't even know what tool to get my husband. Like, I know he has tools. What he needs, I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. Take the kids, pick one out. We're done. Here's a wrench. All right. Hand the handle. Here's a plunder. Yeah. Good luck. So for our first possible, for our first possible gift, okay, for those of us who don't know what we're getting our husbands, dads, so on, the premium everyday upgrade. So taking something that they use every single day and just upgrading it to a luxury or high performance version. So for example, premium buttery, soft loungewear set. So if your man or your husband, whoever, um, likes to just kind of like lounge around, it can make a really nice, you know, super soft, you know, 100% cotton or whatever, whatever it is, satin, silk, whatever, to lounge in. Okay. Or a heavy-duty magnetic phone mount. If they're constantly needing a phone mount, get them like a really good one. I know I need a better one. Mine keeps falling off. Or like a new wallet, a metal wallet with the RFID protection. You know, whatever it is. Just if it's something they use every day. Just buy them a new one, just an upgraded one. That seems pretty simple. Absolutely. Upgrade, upgrade. I like the loungewear idea. Right? I know. Yeah. And I might just end up wearing it. Oh, oversized shirt. Right. Well, those are the best. Um buttery soft. She described. I know. What's a buttery soft? I don't know. Okay. I just all right. I liked it though. I like it. Left to the imagination, I guess. All right. Smart health. Okay. The next, sorry, another option would be smart health and sleep technology. Dads are obsessed with data, sleep tracking, and optimization. So some examples of this would be high-end smart rings. Excuse me. Some examples of this would be high-end smart rings like the aura, massage guns for workout recovery, or smart water bottles that track hydration. These gifts are legit. Again, apparently my friend might be ahead of the game, low-key, because they have the aura rings. But I will say, I did gift my husband the massage gun twice. So he has two because I found a better one. So the first one I bought was a few years ago. I felt like they were just getting all like people were into it. And the second one I ended up getting him has a heat and cooling option. So buyer beware to make sure you get the one that you really want because they do have a lot of options out there and different features. So he the one that has the heating and cooling feature is a lot smaller. So when I did make that second purchase, I figured he can take it on the go. He's on his way to the gym or whatever he's doing with his life. It's small and compact. But so keep that in mind. Even if if you haven't already and look for a big better version of it, just in my experience, if you will. Okay, yeah. So that kind of goes in with the premium upgrade. Yeah, you upgraded his massage gun. All right, cool. Next one is curated subscriptions. So it's a gift that keeps on giving. So moving away from physical clutter towards consumable monthly experiences. So for example, specialty hot sauce of the month clubs, custom roast coffee bean subscriptions, or high-end vinyl record memberships. I okay. I mean, if you're into getting new hot sauce every month, cool. But I think you just get the point. Something that they're gonna kind of keep getting, something that they're into. Um, I mean, shoot, even just getting them their vitamins delivered every month. One less trip to the store. I don't know. Yeah. Right. I don't know. But I'm sure you know, if they're into subscriptions or you, oh, maybe doing like a subscription to um like HBO Max or one of their like streaming services that they really like and maybe don't want to pay for, you can give them that. I bought it for you for like a year. Done and done. Done and done. Wait until next Father's Day and just keep renewing it. So gift that keeps on giving. There you go. There you go. The next category is niche culinary gadgets. Dad's leaning into the food science hobbyist lifestyles. So, for example, we're talking smart meat thermometers like the meter that connect to his phone, portable pizza ovens, the Oni, or countertopped craft beer dispensers. If you got a beer drinking man, I think that beer dispenser is a good option. For sure. But what do you think? So, how do you feel about this list? That's pretty cool. Yeah. Yeah, smart meat thermometer. Oh, yeah, if your guy likes to grill, definitely a smart meat thermometer. You don't want to get food poisoning. I think it's cool if you have someone who loves to cook, right? They like to cook, they like to try experiences, new experiences, stuff like that with food gadgets. I mean, I know I like food gadgets. Then I think so. Yeah, the craft or the the craft, yeah, the craft beer dispenser. That's pretty cool too. I I feel like there's more to it than just I mean, you have to have the beer. Like you have to so you need some more stuff to that. I really like the thermometer. My husband's been doing a lot of grilling lately, and I think that'd be a fun little little gadget to add to his grill toolkit. I and that's another gift that I actually bought him were were his own special grilling tools that come in a little case. Yeah. So he uses that frequently. So I like that. I like that. Oh yeah. I'll just need an upgraded one. Are they pretty used up? No, his are actually well, he's been taking really great care of them, but adding that thermometer, I think, will make him personally feel more legit. Like, yeah, I know the temp on this meat. Yeah, I don't know. So I think that'll just be a nice little gadget at the end of the day for him to use. Okay. I like it. Okay, Liz. Right. And the last one, the ultimate gift, clear calendars. So this would be the most luxurious type of modern gift for a burnt-out dad, which would be totally or entirely funded, a guilt-free weekend away with his friends, or even a solo afternoon to just exist. So it kind of goes into the trend that we spoke about earlier: the do nothing day. Okay. Or just basically do whatever you want. Go spend the weekend with some friends, which I don't know I feel like that's a little weird for guys to spend the weekend with friends, but it's like a whole pass, but without the past of the whole. Right. But yeah, just, you know, here for the weekend. You had a free weekend, do whatever you want, or we can go somewhere without the kids, with the kids, or by yourself, whatever it is. Just kind of clear that calendar for them. If they're constantly on the go, constantly working, constantly just doing their dad duties, which we you know, as mothers, we know we can get burnt out. Dads get burnt out too. So giving them that time guilt-free for sure. So, women, we need to do good with that portion of the guilt free. Don't be looking at them crazy. Yeah. I'm pretty much saying that to myself because I feel like I get annoyed when I see him all relaxed and I'm busy. So just have to wear like my sunglasses in the house just so you don't see my face. But yeah, basically just giving them that time. And we all need time to ourselves. So I get it. Yes. 100%. I definitely feel that regardless of the situation, that men definitely need that support as well to be able to have just some alone time. They need that mental break as well. Men are the leading cause of doing harm to themselves. And I think that a lot of it just has to do with the fact that they don't take that time to really fully relax. They don't feel that they can because of the whatever their pressures are. And so I think that's a great option to allow that. Or not even allow that, because you're not, we're not, you're not reigning over your spouse. I hope not. But just to make that an option as far as a gift goes and to make them understand it's not a trick. Do what you, you know, get out of here, go get. I won't call you, I won't bother you. So I think making sure that we tap into that men's mental health and making sure that they are okay as well. Right. I agree. Yep. Everyone needs a little bit of time for themselves. All right. Anything else that you can think of, Ainish, that might be a good gift or experience. I think that this list is solid. And I feel that there are a lot of options out there that our pourers can take from and incorporate into whatever they plan on give gifting already, even if you have something already, add to it. This is a really good list. I guess one thing I will say, even though I just said it was a good list, would be travel bags. If if so get them a little travel bag for that trip that you're telling them to go on, if they don't really already have a bag. If they if they don't already have a bag, get them get them a travel bag. But yeah, other than that, this is a good list. I like it. You know what? I think I'm going to like do that premium everyday upgrade and like kind of tie it into the niche culinary gadgets and get my husband that new flamethrowing grill. Yes. I love one of those. I absolutely love that flamethrowing grill. It does everything. Yeah. I think that's a great gift. Does it all, yeah. I think that's a beautiful gift. Love it. You'll be floored. Eestic. I can't wait to see his face. I love it. All right. So we are into our sing to me segment. If you have been following along, you know that we're not that great at this. I started off pretty good. Anish kind of started getting the hang of it and then just flip-flops, and then I started flip-flopping, and now we're both flip-flopping. So we'll see how today goes. If you are new to this, basically I start off by asking Anisha a question related to song lyrics. She is supposed to answer the question correctly, but while singing it back to me. Then she'll ask me a question, I'll sing back to her, and we'll do that twice and call it a day. All right, so Anisha, are you ready? Sure. All right, and so anxious. What didn't happen until morning? I was gonna keep saying the same thing over and over. I feel like I already said that part. What didn't happen until what in the morning? What didn't happen until morning? Of course it's the part. Pretty sure I'm dancing around the the the words like I usually do. So you're back to your old ways. So it is true, true. Where are you being? It's already in the morning. I know. Maybe 110. What the what is that? I don't know. All right, all right. So that's uh I don't know. Yeah, I feel like I'm all over the place. All right. So you give up. Yes. Okay. Well we did no sleep till morning. Holy bubble baths and bag rubs. Take me back. Girl, I hope you heard me because I'm so anxious. So they may have one thirty. Yep. So all right, so this next question bring it. Yeah, you say that right now. Okay. And in the song in Little Wayne's Mrs. Officer, where what Can they hear calling them? We no, that's not what that's not the answer. What can they hear calling them? Yes. I don't know. I can't hear you. What was the question? They can hear the they can hear the angels calling us. You can see the sunrise before us. No wonder when they're saying we. Yes, that's correct. We can hear the angels calling us. That is the correct answer. And I say I'm like, wait a minute. What was a qu you're a punk. You don't want to tell me the question. That is uh correct. Me some little wings. All right, next one. Tevin Campbell says he started to write letters, but he wanted to be what? And can we talk? That is so funny. I almost wrote a Tevin Campbell question down too. Okay, um, he was too shy. Can we talk? Oh minute. I was started. I wanted to write you letters, but I started. What is the what is he started there? I wanted to write you. But I w thought I wanted to be more clever. I started to write you letters, but I wanted to be more clever. I wanted to get down and sweet. Talk you. Is that right? Yep. You got it. So last question of the night. Will you get it? I have faith in you. I have faith that you will get this. Easy peasy. Here we go. These men made destiny's child wanna do what in bugaboo. You maybe want to throw my page out the window. Tell MCI to cut the phone card. Wait, yeah? No, yes. No, you're right. That's it. At least so I can't move. Cause you're a bugaboo, a bugaboo. I want to put your number on the car block. Email stop. Because you're a bugaboo. You bugging what you bugging who? You bugging me. Don't you see it ain't cool. It's not hot. Just don't stop. Oh yeah. Writings on the wall. All the writings on the wall. Loved it. Yay. Okay. We did it. So two out of for one. You know, I got one release. But yay. We did it. Yay. All right. Good stuff. Good stuff. For coming back, ladies and gentlemen. We're coming back. Yeah, we don't suck that much. All right. So moving on to our next segment. Let's talk about what Father's Day means to us. And Iesha, I'll have you go first. So how do you celebrate your dad, or how did you celebrate your dad when you were in the same state? And how do you celebrate your husband now? And if you want to share a memory or anything, just go around by the head. Yes. Celebrating my dad, my siblings and I were definitely the kids that gifted ties. My dad has so many ties. He's really into Marvel and DC, Spider-Man specifically, but he appreciates both franchises. And he has more Spider-Man than he can count, I'm sure. Oh my god. But all in all, my dad's a very simple man. I sit down and watch a movie with him, and he's happy. He loves theater, he loves just the art of acting and just the movie experience. He is a big movie buff. And so that is literally all if you it just time. He wants time with you. And I respect that and I appreciate that. My husband spends time with him. At this point, my dad is a father figure for my husband. And the support that my dad gives to all of his kids, including my husband, you can't hold a flame to it. And so, you know, if the man wants to watch a movie with you, you sit down and watch a movie with the man. And being distant from him is difficult. My dad had a stroke about six in 2019. My dad had a stroke in 2019. I have a little bit of dark humor. And I will say that his particular stroke wasn't the everyday stroke that people have with the paralysis on the left side of the body, I believe, typically. So his stroke left him in a wheelchair. And traveling for my parents have been, it was almost non-existent. No, it was completely non-existent for the first four years after his stroke. I finally convinced my mom to get out there, go to the airport, utilize his disability, have the people help you at the airport and get on the plane and travel. You got a man in the wheelchair. They'll push that old man for you. And so they've been traveling more, which has been, I think, great for both of them. But where my dad's at now, that's all he wants is he wants to see his grandkids. Like that would be a great Father's Day gift for him. Seeing the grandkids, seeing his kids, including my husband, who's his child now at this point. But just time. So that's the biggest thing is time. My husband, we celebrate him with peace. I want to lean into the last thing you said. He doesn't go anywhere, but we try to give him his peace in the house. Yeah. Um, I think a massage or some type of physical therapy of some sort would be beautiful for him this year. And I'm trying to whisper that because he might be listening. But I think that this year would be great for him. Unfortunately, we won't be able to go back to California to visit my dad. It'll be a video call and a gift that we send in the mail that he probably really doesn't want unless it's a movie, a DVD. My dad would flip his poop for a DVD. Yeah, flipping his wheelchair. If he could, he'll do a back wheelchair. Or ask my mom to do it for him because he's trying my dad fine was like, it's okay though, it's dark. Uh it's okay to laugh, people. But but he would he would do whatever he could in his chair. He'll even anyway, uh, for a DVD, because yes, that old man still wants DVDs, and yes, they still have a DVD player in the household, in the house. I say household a lot, and it stresses me out that I say that. Um but Sydney, so ultimately for my for my dad, a DVD hands down, he would love a DVD. And you know what? Now that I'm having this conversation with you still, I'm gonna find a new Spider-Man tie for him because my parents go to church faithfully every Sunday, and why not get that old man a new Spider-Man tie? So he can say that his family back, you know, wherever we're gonna be at, um, got him a new tie. Um, so you know, so that's that. And like I said, for my husband, it'll be peaceful, as peaceful as we can, or maybe I'll send him away. Hey, go to a bar, go grab a drink, go relax, go chill out, or I'll take the kid somewhere. So it's not gonna be over aggressive. I did mention the takeaway bag. Target has bags that have little toy, it's a toiletry sized bag. Ladies out there that says Happy Father's Day on it. Go get it. I think they're $10. Nice. Hopefully, it's not too late. If they're still there, you have like a few days left. Get out there and get it. And um, yeah, that's that's pretty much it. They're simple. A steak dinner. Both of my dad and my husband both like steak dinners. So cook for your man if you like to cook and just celebrate them. Learn your person. Sil and I talk about that a lot. And I'll end on this note before I pass to you, Syl, but just understand who your partner is and your father and lean into that. Lean into understanding who they are and tapping into the the simple things that can put a little smile on their face. And with that being said, Sil, I know that this particular holiday is not the easiest for you now. So with a gentle heart and a loving heart, because I love you so much, and I know that this particular episode probably wasn't the easiest episode for you to do, but I applaud you. You're doing it with such grace. Do you mind sharing your story about your father's day and where you're at now? I hate that I'm such a crier. God damn it. I haven't even said anything. But no, it's fine. I want to do this. But let me start with my husband, really quick. So, with my husband, um, like I said, last year he went to top golf with uh his brothers and brother-in-laws, and he had a great time. This year, I think we're gonna do something a little bit smaller, maybe just have a barbecue, go swimming. The weather's nice and hot now. So, yeah, I think we're gonna just keep it simple, make them some steaks or some carna sala, have the beers ready, the mecheladas, and have some music and let them have their time. I'll make sure the kids are taken care of, and yeah, that's it. I have a few days left to figure out what I'm gonna get him. I really want to get him the grill, but that's more selfish because I'm the one who wants the grill. So alert. So I don't know. We will see. I'll post when I get him. I gotta figure it out, ASAP. Luckily, Amazon has overnight, should we? Okay. So make sure you're following us. Right? Yeah. Yeah. And now we can get into the heavier topic. So Father's Day is no longer one of my favorite or enjoyable holidays um because I did lose my dad about five years ago. And I have some, I guess some bitter feelings when it comes to Father's Day. Um, of course, I want to celebrate my husband. He's my husband, he's an amazing father. Um, I know that he looked up to my dad a lot as far as like parenting and just being like a family man. So uh, and I I come in him for that. Like my dad was an awesome family man. I have the best memories with him. Regardless, I mean, I'll celebrate my husband. I don't I feel bitter because I don't like to celebrate other dads. And it's like awful saying, but I just feel like some dads suck. And I just have those feelings, like, well, my dad was better than your dad. Like, why are you around? And I know it's awful to say, but I mean, those are just the feelings that I get, especially around Father's Day. Um, so it's it is really hard, especially because I know that I don't have my dad and the world keeps going, and that's fine. I don't expect people to reach out to me and be like, hey, are you okay? or you know, or to remember, like, no, like it's nothing to reach out to me about. Like, I it's just something that I need to work on on my own. So I do, and it's hard. And my husband knows that. Uh my dad, he loved shirts. My dad had so many shirts. Oh my gosh. And like just like random, like graphic shirts, you know, like he had he had a cooking monster shirt that he wore all the time. Like I remember he had a um, like you're killing me small shirt that he would wear, like just like random Star Wars shirts, like whatever shirts. He loved shirts. So every year I would get him a bunch of shirts for Father's Day. So my husband, uh, he started like a little tradition and he would give me a uh graphic oversized tee. He would give that to me. So, you know, I still have that memory. I I love big shirts too, and I think it's because I always used to steal my dad's shirts. He had so many that he would only realize it until he saw me wearing it. Like, hey, is that my shirt? Oops, they were always my pajama shirts. So, but yeah, it's it's it's really hard sometimes trying to celebrate when I have my own grief. And I don't know if it'll ever go away. I can say there's times where it does feel a little bit easier. Um, and sometimes it's just a little unbearable. But I mean, I guess it's just, you know, my emotions and memories. But I do like to go to the cemetery and like bring him his flowers. Um my son, he's really cute. Um, my son was three. Three when my dad passed away. And he'll go and he'll he'll talk to my dad's grave and just tell him like about what he's been up to. And so I love that. It's like a little tradition that we have. But I think like I know that there's others who recently lost their dads. And with Father's Day coming up, I think my advice is just feel like don't be scared of your emotions. If you have to stay in your room for however long, just to cry it out, just get it out there, just do it because it's and usually it's I will say it is a worst the days approaching Father's Day. Typically, by Father's Day, I'm all cried out, but it's it's still there. And like I said, the world is still moving on. Other people are celebrating, and it's kind of like, oh, like it sucks, but you also don't want to be like that person, like, okay, you know, like we get it, your dad's not here. Um, like you don't want to be that person either. I would just say take some time for yourself. Your closest people will know what you're going through and what what you need. I could say is that I do have some really great memories of Father's Day with my dad. He was a really big eater. He's a foodie, and I think that's where I got my foodiness from, is he loved to eat and he loved breakfast. That was one thing. I'm not a big breakfast person unless it's like chilaquiles and beans. Yes. But he loved his like uh what is it? Uh huevos rancheros. He loved himself some huevos rancheros with like a bunch of beans and cheese and like home style potatoes, and like that was his thing. That was his jam. So something like that. Like he loved to spend time with the family. So if it wasn't a big breakfast, we're having a ganasada. He he loved to have people over too. So, you know, just having those moments were so amazing. So I'll I'll always like cherish those father's days. But yeah, it's it's definitely different now. Like I said, it there's that bitterness that I feel sometimes, but I also in a weird way have this piece where I know that my dad was content with whenever God would call him home. And he had told us that a many times that he didn't not that he didn't care, but he wasn't scared. Um and he and my dad, he died suddenly. So I think that's what makes it harder for me to deal with is that he wasn't like chronically sick. He was actually very active and healthy. Um but it was just very sudden. So there was no goodbyes, no nothing. It was around COVID time, uh, where everything was shut down. So we couldn't it was just hard. It w it was a really hard time in COVID times because everything was shut down and you couldn't do your normal things. The burial took months. Uh, it was just very drawn out, very not your typical type of situation, I guess you could say. So for me, navigating holidays or like his birthday, it it's hard because it was it was just so sudden. And so, you know, I feel angry sometimes. I feel I feel all the feelings, but I know that he was such a happy person that he would not want me to be sad on these days. He would be like, What are you doing? Celebrate your husband, like he's a wonderful man, like celebrate him, like bring my flowers and then go. Like he loved his attention, so he I'm sure he still wants flowers, but then go and you know, don't don't grieve me, like don't mourn, just keep going. So so I try, but easier said than done. And just some coping when it comes to losing your father and being like Father's Day is acknowledge what happened, acknowledge that your father is not here. So don't mute notifications, don't pretend that the day is not happening, even if it hurts. It's okay to log off social media. Social media is hard on Father's Day because everyone's like, oh, my dad and my dad, and like, oh, good for you. Okay. No, sorry though. But you know, like it it's just so in your phase. So maybe don't go on social media that day if you feel like, you know what, I don't want to see, because you already know what you're gonna see, right? But don't necessarily just count the day out, acknowledge what happened and then do your very best to still have as normal of a day that you can. Um, build new rituals. So pouring his favorite drink. So that was one thing when I saw this today. I was like, you know what, that's a good idea. So I stopped at the store, I got the Lambrusco and the 7 Up or Sprite, and I poured his. I don't know if it was his favorite drink, but it was a drink I know he drank. Listening to his favorite music, writing down a memory that you don't want to forget. So have something, or even like I said, how my husband he gets me a shirt every um Father's Day. He it's like a something that he he did. I know it's like for him too, but just to have that ritual that you can look forward to where you know maybe it takes the sting away a little bit. And then give yourself grace. So acknowledging that you can feel immense joy for the current dads in your life while carrying grief at the exact same time. Like once again, I said this is hard. So just acknowledging that you can still feel joy on this day, I think is probably the biggest part, but give yourself grace as well because it's it's hard. It's just really hard. Well, so I've been I've been here supporting you and I watching you grow, and I think that you are you're so strong. And I'm very proud of you for even putting together this episode for us today to share with our poorers out there. And I just I think that I know you're uh not even I think, I know your dad is proud of you, and I feel that everything you're doing is exactly what he's smiling, he's smiling down because we know he's he's fist bupping God right now because your dad was definitely a holy mate. Yeah, he was so I'm proud of you. Thank you for sharing that for sure. Thank you for sharing your experience. I know for a fact that you are helping a lot of our poorers out there. And if you're a poorer that's listening and you know someone that may be going through this, to potentially share this episode with them and maybe just direct them to the end of the episode if need be. But but be sure to to share this and and be mindful of your family or friends that may have a loss in their in their life because it's it takes a village and that can definitely come in different fonts and not just with the kids, but with the people in your life, with your friends, with your family, or the friends you made family and check on them. Okay. Yeah, definitely. But I don't forget to check the guy with you too. But yeah, don't forget to check on your friends or your loved ones, anyone who's you know, might be having a rough day, especially if it's fresh and or recent, I should say. Uh because it it might be especially hard for them who being their first father's day without their parent. So just a little check-in. It doesn't have to be anything elaborate. You know, you don't even have to bring it up, honestly. Just like, hey, what's up, how are you doing? Very short. You don't have to go deep into it. Just say, Hey, I'm thinking about you. I think that would be a great place to to start. Hey, I'm thinking about you. I love you, I care for you. Hear words in that realm. I feel still if you agree, I feel could be a good, a great place to start where you're not saying too much and not saying too little. Yeah. But I think it's it's great. It's just something small like that. It's just that acknowledgement to know that yes, the world is still going, but at least someone's kind of thinking about you when there's already so much going on in that day, like they don't have to, but just that acknowledgement is it feels good. Yes. And a virtual hug. Yes, virtual hugs are great. If you consider that. Well, ladies and gentlemen, again, we are celebrating Father's Day to all of the hardworking fathers out there that are devoting their lives to their family, to their community, whatever the case is. We see you, we celebrate you, to the fathers that have left us, we uplift that energy and we pour just our love and energy into those that are are yearning for that empty space. Thank you for listening to another episode of Pouring and Parenting. Where Soup happens and we pour about it.