SPEAKER_02 0:03

Grab your glass and pull up a chair. It's time for your favorite girls' night in.

SPEAKER_01 0:07

Welcome to Pouring and Parenting, where your besties, Cell and Ainish.

SPEAKER_02 0:11

We're here to laugh through the chaos. Hello, Poor's. Let's start the show. Hey, hey, hey! Welcome back to another episode of Pouring and Parenting. It's your girl Einish. And I'm Cell. And today we have another fun episode for you all. We have some Reddit stories. So hang tight, hold on to your butts, get your drink, and relax. Cell, how are you doing today? I'm good. I'm holding on to my butt. Hold on to your butts. Stories are crazy.

SPEAKER_01 0:41

I'm doing good. Summer is in full swing and I'm loving it. Summer summer time.

SPEAKER_02 0:53

Jazzy Joe. Jazzy Joe.

SPEAKER_01 0:55

So what did you pour into your cup today? Yeah. So today, actually, I went to my favorite store, grocery outlet, and as I was looking for something totally different, I came across the Ocean Spray Cosmo cocktail mix. So basically, it's just a mix for like a Cosmo martini, and all you do is add the vodka. It was in the juice section, not even in the alcohol section, but in the juice section. So I was like, well, why not? So I mixed it with pineapple vodka from the White Claw brand. And I love it. It's really good.

SPEAKER_02 1:28

Yummy. So it's a Cosmo.

SPEAKER_01 1:30

Pineapple Cosmo.

SPEAKER_02 1:31

A pineapple Cosmo. Okay. I poured an whiskey mule. So typically mule are with vodka, but I had ginger beer and whiskey. I don't drink vodka. And missing out. You're missing out. Easy peasy. I squeezed a half a lemon juice in there. And it's it's really good. Well, cheers to our drinks. Cheers.

SPEAKER_00 1:54

Okay, fancy cuts.

SPEAKER_01 1:56

Oh yeah. My margarita slash martini glass that I have.

SPEAKER_00 1:59

I love it.

SPEAKER_02 2:00

Okay, ladies and gentlemen. We have a fun episode. We are gonna be reading some Reddit stories that we stumbled upon online, and we're gonna give our input, our thoughts. This is roughly our third episode that we've done, and they're fun. So hang tight. Before we get into that, we're gonna jump into one hot topic that we have for the day. That's right along the lines of the episode. So let's get into it. Digital public shaming. So I know Cyl and I potentially talked about this a few episodes back. So if you want to just take a deep dive into all of our episodes and call us out on it, go for it. We dare you to. Double dog dare you. Double dog dare you to listen to all of our episodes and let us know where we touched base on this topic. But let's talk about some digital public shaming. Parents are filming their kids their meltdowns or recording them doing embarrassing punishments, like holding signs on street corners to teach them a lesson on TikTok and Instagram and just social media platforms everywhere. I've seen it, so I know you've seen it. Listeners, I'm pretty sure you've seen it if you're actively on social media. Parents are literally pulling the cameras out while their kids are having a full-blown meltdown and using that as ammo to further embarrass their kid. Therefore, they're showing them the repercussions of their actions on social media. Honestly, it's unnecessary. I don't think that that's mentally helping their kids. And there's just so many, to me, negative notions behind that. So let's talk about some of the stats that go behind the impact that could fall upon the children that it's happening to. So the first stat that we're gonna drop is that the children have no consent. So 29% of the parents admit that they don't ask their kids for permission before posting them online. Because yeah, it makes a lot of sense. I'm not gonna ask, oh, is it okay if I can post this? You cry? Because the most likely they're gonna say, no, I prefer you don't do that. But the parents obviously aren't asking it because they're the because they're the adult and that's how they're handling the situation.

SPEAKER_01 4:13

Next stat is uh teen backlash. So about 32% of teens say their parents posted embarrassing videos of them after their teen explicitly beg them not to. I mean, yeah, I kids don't want to be embarrassed, and they don't be embarrassed in front of their peers. They don't want to deal with that shame that they're gonna have to endure when they go back to school the next day. So I can see why they'd be begging. Please don't do it. Um, it's unfortunate. I don't think it's good parenting practices. The next one is school bullying. 22% of teens have experienced online shaming, and peers frequently use videos posted by the parents to bully them at school. So, what the parents don't understand is that once it's on social media, it's for everyone to see. The wrong person's gonna get their hands on it, and it's not gonna be just you bullying your child, but now others get the chance to bully your tire child. And it's like, why not if the parents doing it? You're just giving everyone else permission to bully your child. There, there's other ways to punish your child. This is not one of them.

SPEAKER_02 5:15

Yeah, so sad. The last one are the views. These viral shaming videos are easily racking up to 10 to 40 million views, and a lot of these parents are craving that social media attention and they are looking for the views, they're looking for a quick trip to social media fandom, and unfortunately, they're utilizing their kids as pawns. It's sad and it's unfortunate. I don't want to see it. I really feel bad for the kids. Let's move on to why the parents are doing it. What's the psyche behind the parents reaching for their phone and recording their children in such vulnerable moments? Desperation for validation. There's an overwhelming notion for parents to post the chaos, and they're looking for other adults to say, I feel your pain, you're doing a good job. And they're looking for validation. They want other parents to say, Oh, you're normal, or hey, thank you for keeping it real out there. And why do you need the validation? Just live in your household, live in your bubble, take care of your kids, and get healthy advice outside of feeling the need to expose your children to get the validation. Because at the end of the day, that sounds like the problem is more rooted with you other than your child, and you're portraying that energy on your child. It's a rippling effect that's not helping anyone, especially your kids or you.

SPEAKER_01 6:37

Right. Now, I do want to clarify only because I do the story time with Sil, and there have been times where I will talk about my son, and it's not necessarily well, it's not to shame them whatsoever. It's more of just like the type of stuff that happens in my parenting world. And I think when parents do that, I think that's okay. But there is a fine line between trying to shame your child for views and getting validation that way. And instead of just posting something that other people can relate to where you're not really looking for validation, but you know that other parents are going through it. So there is a difference. I just wanted to clear that up because do not do it to shame my child. Don't call me.

SPEAKER_02 7:23

Yeah, 100% different. I it's it's a story. It's something that's happened. It's in the past, you've taken care of it. You're not exposing visually your child and how you handle the situation. You're telling a story. But yeah, for the people that might be listening and will want to nitpick about this particular topic of discussion, 100%. There are people literally video recording their children while they're shaming them, standing behind the camera and disciplining them on camera for likes posts. Okay. Because what's the reason?

unknown 7:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:56

All right. The next one is chasing the algorithm. So normal parenting gets zero views, extreme drama, crying, and that shock value that you may get as punishments, that'll get you millions of views and likes. So the thought is like, okay, the more drama, the more just craziness that's going on in my video. People are gonna gravitate to that. They like it, people like the negativity. We've seen that. You're more likely to see something negative than positive for some reason. I don't know why we're like that, but that gets the likes. You cannot exploit your children like that. It's not okay. It's not fair to them because it's their lives that are posted on social media forever. They're gonna be there forever. And people can go back later on and say, Oh, is this you? Is that how you were treated? Why did you act like that? How embarrassing for you? And it's just the world is already such an ugly place for a parent to just put their children out there like that. It it's it's sick. It's disgusting, honestly.

SPEAKER_00 8:56

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 8:56

There are other ways to punish your child if they have really crossed the line with whatever, but for likes, I don't think that warrants putting your child into counseling and therapy later on in life.

SPEAKER_02 9:10

Yeah. And you you're supposed to be their comfort and their safe space. So to expose them to that, it's traumatic. That's we're given P you're just handing PTSD out. Not to exactly. There's no trust. Who do who do they turn to then at that point? Because you've broken that bond that they should have been able to just know that you can that you're gonna be there to take care of them and protect them. I messed up, discipline me quietly or privately in a respectable manner, nothing crazy or aggressive, but to expose them for the world to see for years to come and create that footprint, that blueprint for them is not fair. It's not right. The last we'll touch base on is it's it's a trap. Shaming, for the most part, the shaming most likely will make the child stop the behavior immediately because there's fear now that you've built. So the child's thinking, I'm not gonna do anything again because you're gonna publicly embarrass or shame me. But psychologists are warning that it will completely destroy the parent child trust in the long run. We literally just said that. You're gonna break the bond that you hopefully were building. And even if you have some childhood trauma, because I I do know mothers out there that will say, I didn't have that, so why do my kids get to have that? You have to break that. You have to get out of that mindset and want better for your children. You have to want more and expect more from your children, but punishing them publicly and shaming them is not the way to go. There are so many other ways. Take something away from them, put the phone down, sit down and talk to your child and figure out why they even do that. Why are they having that moment and connect with your children, your children, your child? We had a great episode with Dr. Tina, and she discussed having moments to sit down and speaking with your children. So if you are feeling lost or at a place of confusion and you are trying to figure out, well, okay, well, how do I approach that? How do I do that? Listen to Dr. Tina Shermer Sellers a couple episodes back, and she breaks down some different topics, but I feel a lot of the conversation that we had with her can definitely fall suit into different circumstances and just playing your cards right and being present with your children and just staying calm, cool, and collected as best as you can. That's the hot topic for today. We hope that you got something out of that. And we're gonna move forward with today's show. We are reading Reddit stories. We have a combined total of four, so stay until the end and give us your feedback at the end of all this and let us know what you think about these stories we're gonna read to you. Story number one. We're gonna call this story the Bucky's Mascot Incident. And here's the story. So, real quick as a background, I'm not sure if the story states about Bucky's, but being how I live in Texas, I did not know what a Bucky's was, but Bucky's is a massive gas station, store, convenience store. It's huge. It is massive, massive, massive. Everything in Texas is big and Bucky's is huge. They have a mascot, which is a little beaver. Look it up. I hope I described it appropriately for the most part for the Texans that may be listening, but for you non-Texans, it's just it's an oversized like I am Pam. It's huge. Huge, huge, huge. Okay, so here's the story. I was at a massive Bucky's gas station on a road trip, standing near the section where they sell all the branded merchandise. There was a teenage girl, probably around 15 or 16, holding one of those giant plush Bucky the Beaver mascots. She turned to her mom and asked if she could please get it. The mom, the mom didn't even blink. She looked at her daughter dead in the eye and said, entirely serious. If you want that, you either pay for it yourself or lift up your shirt and see if the cashier will cop it for you. I was so stunned, I just froze. The poor girl looked completely mortified, put the beaver back on the shelf, and walked away in total silence. What the F. What the F is right. The show is called Pouring and Parenting. We advocate for pouring into your kids in a positive manner, pouring into yourself in a positive manner, and pouring into your friends and family in a positive manner. Unfortunately, this mother chose a different route.

SPEAKER_01 13:36

So, how do you feel about this Reddit screen? I mean, I just picked up my jaw from the floor. I honestly feel like I would speak up. I have a really weird thing about speaking up when I should be minding my own business. But this poor kid, how could you say that to your child? Is this how you talk to them on a normal basis? I just have so many questions for this mom and this child. What do you have to deal with on a normal day? Because that is freaking ridiculous. I get it. Okay, you could pay for it yourself. I'm not getting it for you. But that other part, really, that's what you want your kid to do to get what they want in this world.

SPEAKER_00 14:11

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:12

Absolutely not. What a horrible parent. Horrible. And I don't like to be here and judge parents. I'm judging this one because that is totally not okay.

SPEAKER_02 14:20

Yeah. Definitely not okay. Definitely seems like the mother obviously has trauma, trauma that she has not fully dealt with head on. And she is pretty much what I said earlier. She, hey, that's what I had to do to get stuff. So that's what you're gonna do. And she doesn't know how to, she hasn't, she doesn't have the tools to get past the trauma that's built within her. And that's unfortunate. There are so many resources out there to get aid and assistance. And unfortunately, there's a lot of people that don't do it. There's a lot of moms that regret having daughters. There are a lot of moms that resent their own child, especially moms resenting their own daughters. And so unfortunately, the upbringing that they're presenting them with is the upbringing that they had or fell into because of that. And it's a vicious cycle and they don't know how to break it. And that's what I'm seeing from this story.

SPEAKER_01 15:11

Because you should want better for your kids. Like, regardless of your trauma, you should want better. Why do you want your kids to go through the same cycle you did? Like that comment was just so out of line, so disgusting. Like I am so disgusted by that parent.

SPEAKER_02 15:27

They can't help it. That's the thing. It's not that I don't think that they want it, or maybe they do because they're envious. There are so many women. This is another deep dive we can go into, but there are so many people that are jealous of their own kids. There's the parents that live vicariously through their kids when it comes to athleticism and playing in sports. I broke my Achilles or whatever, and I couldn't go into the NFL. I couldn't make it in the NBA or whatever the case is. And so now I'm gonna force and push my son to get there and do what I couldn't do. And so for women, I think a lot of it is it's a different angle, not so much sports, but it's oh, you're prettier than me. Put this on instead. It's oh your body's better than mine. Or, or boy, you're developing faster than I did. And so they put that guilt or that shame that they felt when they were little onto their children. 15 or 16. The the lady who wrote this story and said the the girl, the child appeared to be 15 or 16. We're talking high school. What an imperative age for your mother to say something like that to you. Lift your shirt up. That's she's 15 or 16. That's crazy. I don't care what age you are. You don't say that to your own child, let alone a friend or whatever the case is. So to me, mom is definitely dealing with some issues that she's never resolved. And she she doesn't want to see her daughter do better than her. Or maybe she's jealous of her daughter. I mean, there's so many different sad reasons why she overheard that. And unfortunately, or fortunately, the daughter put the the Bucky Beaver down and was probably a bit embarrassed and wonder who heard and just walked away from that. So really sad. Really sad.

SPEAKER_01 17:10

Oh gosh, that's awful. All right, let's move on to the next story. This is the drugstore kidnapping threat. I was at a local drugstore picking up a few things when I heard a young mom yelling at her toddler. The kid kept wandering away from the shopping cart, and she was clearly losing her mind. Finally, she snapped. She grabbed his arm, looked at him, and said, If you walk away from me one more time, I'm gonna let somebody kidnap your badass. But it gets worse. Right after saying that, she literally snuck away from him and hid completely out of sight in the next aisle over. A couple of minutes passed and the little boy started absolutely panicking, crying, and running around looking for her. Once he was thoroughly traumatized, she popped out from behind the aisle, laughing hysterically at him. If you want your kid to not have any trust in you, do that. If you want them to not be able to come to you and feel safe around you, this is what you do. I get it. It's hard sometimes to keep your kids with you and they want to wander off in the store. I can get that. My son, he seems to not have fear and he's like, I'm fine, I'm okay. And yeah, he's a little bit older, but still, someone can still snatch you right up. So I make it very clear to him, you need to be within my eyesight. You cannot be in another aisle and I cannot see you. But I wouldn't hide from him and let him go through all of this panicking and crying and running around looking for her, and then just popping out laughing. Like you think that's funny.

SPEAKER_00 18:35

Right.

SPEAKER_01 18:35

Sometimes it's fine to not care what other people think, but what do the other people think? Just seeing this poor kid, like where's your mom? And she pops out laughing because you're trying to show him a lesson. Yeah, maybe he he might learn his lesson in the sense of he's gonna stay with you next time, but the damage that is done is far greater. Now you you actually have a child more hurt and not the same kid that walked into that store. That's a totally different kid now. You just traumatize him and you think it's funny. That's not okay.

SPEAKER_02 19:04

Definitely a sad case. Makes you wonder how old the child was. Not that it really truly matters, but also the developmental stage that the child was at. And there's so many questions. How old was the mother? And was that the only child? It just makes you want to ask a lot of questions. But even then, if if you're feeling that stressed and that overwhelmed, my thing is to always take a beat. And there's so many young mothers out there, there's so many young parents out there, and even older parents that may be coming into parenthood at an older age that can easily get overwhelmed. And taking a beat and taking a moment, hey, let's step outside. Because you clearly got a lot of energy going on right now. It sounds easier said than done. I can't say that I've been in that situation to where the kids were freaking out so bad that I felt the need to step outside or anything. But I have been in the presence of stores and you can hear the kids screaming and yelling and crying, and the parents still just moving right along, but they're gonna keep. I came here to get my bread, milk, and butter. I'm getting my bread, milk, and butter, whether you're crying or not. And there are stories out there that I've heard where there are people will go give that mom a high five. Hey, you're doing a good job. You're doing just fine while the kids screaming and losing their crap. And so unfortunately, this mother chose a different route and decided to put some traumatics to develop a moment for that child to where you created this. You, my own mother, created this trauma for me that now I will never leave your side. You're right, because I fear that someone's gonna take me, but you did it in such a traumatic way.

SPEAKER_00 20:41

Right.

SPEAKER_02 20:41

I like I hope I'm not gonna take you out of my sight, but but you know, at what cost? So I definitely not the right approach to do it. If the child was, like I said, freaking out, step outside. Hey, let's get it together, let's regroup and then let's go back in the store. Mommy has to get a few things. I need you to get it together. We're gonna go outside and then go back in the store for 10 minutes. So, again, a lot of that deals with techniques, parenting, asking for help, asking for advice when it comes to dealing with children. Because we don't get a book. You they give you a baby and say, take the baby home. But there are a lot of there are so many different tools and outlets on your village. If you don't have a village, again, there's tools, there are, there are hotlines out there, there are podcasts. Not to say that every podcast is is equally yoked, but having the right tools and the right people in your corner hopefully can definitely help you make better decisions when it comes to disciplining and just handling your children. There are so many other ways that she could handle that. And that was not the right way, unfortunately.

SPEAKER_01 21:48

I think what really is mind boggling here is that a couple minutes passed. So I know that when I can't find my kid, you've seen other parents when I lose their kids accomplishment. Minutes feels like an eternity. I just can't imagine this poor kid dealing with that for a couple minutes. He must have felt like he lost his mom forever.

SPEAKER_02 22:09

I had some tough love. I don't want people to be like, oh, y'all are soft and oh, that's oh, it's tough. Whatever. That's that's not tough. There are so many different ways you can do that. That ain't it. That is not it. Okay, ladies and gentlemen. We're gonna we're gonna take a break and go into our mid-show game. And so take a beat. We have two more stories after the game. Hang tight with us. We have our sing to me challenge that Sil is going to introduce ever so eloquently as she does. Go on, my dear.

SPEAKER_01 22:39

Alright, so we are playing Sing to Me. The way it works is I will ask Inesh a question based on song lyrics. She is supposed to not only answer the question correctly, but sing it back to me. And then once she does that successfully or not, then she'll ask me a question and we'll go for a few rounds and then we'll see who wins. The games begin. Okay. In Rock Your Body by Justin Timberlake. He wants to rock you until when? I don't even know. I have no idea. Rock your body. That's a big a big song.

SPEAKER_00 23:10

No, you know, Justin Justin Timberlake fan. I want to rock your body.

SPEAKER_02 23:21

I know the song, but I don't know the song. Anything, any wild guesses? Oh, I am not familiar with the song. I mean, I know the song, but I it's not on my rotation.

SPEAKER_01 23:32

Alright, so it says, just let me rock you to the break of day. Dance with me.

SPEAKER_02 23:38

Yeah, I move my. I sway a little bit when it's on. I probably turn, honestly, if it comes on. I'm not a fan of that song. I like Justin Timberlake. I do. Now I wonder if you know this song. In the song Tell Me by Groove Theory, love has a way of doing what?

SPEAKER_00 23:54

Love's always had a way of. Wait, loves a wave. Have a bad time. Ever since I light in your eyes, I had a fun question. Tell me if you want me to give you a moment.

SPEAKER_02 24:12

I answered it, right? I'm asking me to And then some ding ding ding. Correct. Correct. I love that song.

SPEAKER_01 24:20

It's a good song, right? It's a good classic. So let's see. Okay. So here's another one. I you have to know this one. So nothing on you featuring Bruno Mars. Okay, so B O B. Ain't got nothing on you. That song. Okay. What is what is he trying to chase living in the summer sun?

SPEAKER_00 24:42

It's nothing on the is it her eyes.

SPEAKER_01 24:44

Her eyes. That's the same song. What's the question? What is he trying to chase living in the summer sun?

SPEAKER_00 24:54

That's the same song.

SPEAKER_01 24:56

Yeah, but remember that. That you're singing only Bruno Mars part, the chorus. This is a verse, the B O B part.

SPEAKER_02 25:03

That's how it starts, huh?

SPEAKER_01 25:04

Or is it how it starts?

SPEAKER_02 25:08

I don't know. My brain's not My brain's not braining today. I've been struggling all night. All day. All today. I haven't I got nothing. I'm sure I do know it too, but I can't even think of how the verse goes. I couldn't even think how the song goes. Yeah, my brain's not braining.

SPEAKER_01 25:24

I got nothing. Alright. Trying to trying to chase skirts living in the summer sun. And so I lost more than I had ever won. And honestly, I ended up with none. Some of Snonsense, it's on my consciousness.

SPEAKER_02 25:40

I don't think I would have got that, honestly. Yeah, I might have. Who knows? Who knows? Okay. Let's see. Mary J. Blige has no what and I'm going down.

SPEAKER_01 25:58

Okay. Sorry, I'm repeating again.

SPEAKER_02 26:00

What's the question? Mary J.

SPEAKER_00 26:04

Blige has no what in I'm going down. Oh I ain't got no planned. Oh no. That's it.

SPEAKER_01 26:20

Yeah. Okay. I was gonna ask you, like, did I answer the question?

SPEAKER_02 26:24

I ain't got no plan. That is correct. Ladies and gentlemen, way to go sell. Way to go sell. Okay, well, good game. I got a smile on my face, a drink in my hand. It's all good.

SPEAKER_01 26:39

I heard that. All right, moving on to the next segment. Story three. The child bargainer. I don't know if this counts as public, but yesterday my child came home with a tooth. A tooth that was not hers. She says she took it from her friend so she can get more money from the tooth fairy. She explained that during recess, she offered her classmate two stickers if she let her have her wiggly tooth. My child, I guess, removed the wiggly tooth from the classmate's mouth and brought it home and immediately showed it to me. I was like, oh you lost a tooth at school. Cool. She was painfully honest and told me it was not hers. Definitely the most embarrassing email I had to write to her teacher to hopefully identify whose tooth this is and to get the right tooth and get it to the right toothberry. I respect the hustle kid, but maybe let's not take our friends' body parts for many. I might throw up a little bit actually. This never happened to me. Excuse me, you did what? What that's crazy. I mean, you know what? These kids do the craziest things at school. There's stories like this that come out. Like, yeah, here, have my wiggly tooth for two stickers. Those must have been the best stickers ever. Did they were they scratch and sniff? Like, I don't understand.

SPEAKER_02 28:09

It sounds like she's raising a future dentist and someone. Salesman. Or salesman. She's gonna be in the medical field or a sales department of some major corporation because two stickers is crazy.

SPEAKER_01 28:25

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 28:26

Or was the tooth really bothering little mama? Because maybe she can eat her snacks for the past few weeks because it was so wiggly and it was freaking her out. So two stickers sounded like a fair bargain to her.

SPEAKER_01 28:39

Yeah, right. Or another child. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 28:42

But how would you? I mean, how do you react? How do you react as a parent? Your child comes home, you think it's their tooth. And oh, actually, no, it's little Joanne's tooth that I pulled out at recess today.

SPEAKER_01 28:53

I I don't know. I really don't even know. I I might, like I said, I might throw up a little bit. I might laugh a little bit. It's funny, but then it's just like, what the frick were you thinking? Like, I I don't I don't see a punishment here. Uh I think it's so innocent. Hopefully, if they're like 10, I don't it might not be as innocent. But yeah, well, because then it's like, okay, like how old are these kids? Is one like one in kindergarten and one in fifth grade? Like, because then that would be rude. That would then I would be pissed as a parent if my kid was the older one. So I guess it it depends, but I'm gonna just assume they're probably in the same class, and yeah, they're both little and like, okay, I want some stickers. Here's my tooth. That's not a big deal. So yeah, I just but yeah, sending that email for sure would be embarrassing. Like, oh my gosh, like this is what my kid did today. The picture of the right. Here's little tooth. Here's put in a treasure box for you. Little treasure box. Like, oh my gosh, I don't I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 29:55

What what would you do? Definitely a discussion. Punishment, no, just explain to my child that we don't bargain body parts, we don't negotiate teeth and and hair or whatever else could fall off a child. That that that's not okay. And what if the shoe was on the other foot? That's that's not okay. If anything, explain to especially if my child has the the the knowledge and the logic to understand who the tooth fairy is and understand, give me your tooth because I'm gonna get some money. Be a friend and explain to that friend, let me help you take your tooth out, and then you take it home because you're gonna get some money from the tooth fairy. If you want to be a friend and take your friend's tooth out, I don't recommend such activities, but kids are gonna do what they want to do for the most part, especially if you're not there. That Rhesus playground is crazy, it's wild. It's a wild jungle, it's a jungle of kids, a jungle of kids just trying to find something to do, especially kids in the technology world, right? What do I do? All this free time and no tech. So yeah, I would definitely just explain to my child that there is definitely a better approach that they could have handled that and and better uplifted their friend. But I'm deep like that. So hey, next time educate your friend. They don't know who the tooth fray is. Girl, boy, tell them who the tooth fray is and put them on game. And yeah, take let's take a look.

SPEAKER_01 31:15

Except for if the parents don't do that. If they don't believe in that. Yeah, I'd be freaking pissed. Like, what? You told me whose kid told you what? Who's the toothplay? It's none of their business. Who's the tooth? You give them their now. You better give them your tooth.

SPEAKER_02 31:31

I would so approach it with the mind frame. Everyone's on the same playing field for the most part in schools, as far as I'm concerned. So educate your counterpartner and let them know what it is. But don't be taking people's tooth for no stickers. That's great. That was a crazy, you ain't got no Doritos or some chips in your bag. You could have gave them a little juice box, some stickers. I mean, hella bargaining skills. And honestly, I would have lifted their bargaining skills too. And and I would honestly address that. Yes. And I if you're that clever, I would expose them to some different just opportunities in life that they can take. But this sounds like this mom cackled a little bit, emailed, and hopefully got the tooth to their rightful owner. Every yeah. And I hope she explained to their child that the hustle, because she and I respect the hustle, but let's not take our friends' body parts for money.

SPEAKER_01 32:26

I would wonder what being on the other side of it would be. Like if your kid came home with the missing tooth, a completely missing tooth. Like they don't have it in their pocket, in their hands. No, but I got your stickers. Yeah, you don't let people in your mouth like that unless it's a dentist. Absolutely. Nobody takes your body parts from you.

SPEAKER_02 32:50

So growing up, being a little black girl, our parents, my parents always told me, don't let people play in your hair. That was the biggest thing that I grew up to not let anyone play in your hair. Don't let anyone ask you a question or or answer their question, but oh, can I touch your hair? And oddly enough, that question came up so many times. And I don't even remember the first time the conversation happened with my mother and I, other than, you know, she would do my hair. Don't let anyone play in your hair. Yes, ma'am. And sometimes I would let people play my hair, and then I come home and she knew people playing my hair. Didn't I tell you not let people play any hair? I'm like, yeah, but they said that they were gonna do this and that. Um, it's a big thing in a black community. So now you're gonna tell, don't let anybody play in your mouth. Okay, ladies and gentlemen, we have one more story that we are going to read. And this story we're calling the birthday party cover-up. My seven-year-old son was invited to a classmate's birthday party at a local trampoline park. The invitation clearly said, drop off, welcome. So I dropped him off and went to run some errands. About an hour later, I got a frantic call from another parent who had stayed behind. Apparently, the birthday kid's mom had completely vanished. She didn't just leave the room, she left the entire facility. She dropped her own kid and 15 seven-year-olds off at the party, walked out, and turned her phone off completely. The staff at the trampoline park were losing their minds because there was no adult supervising the party package. When she finally strolled back in two hours later holding shopping bags, she looked at the angry parents and said, What? I said drop off welcome. I welcome myself to drop him off so I can get some peace at the mall. She legitimately thought drop-off welcome applied to the post parents too.

SPEAKER_01 34:41

What the fuck? Honestly, some parents just have no freaking common sense. No common sense. Yeah. Really, you would just leave all these kids there so no one's gonna watch him. I would be pissed if I was one of the other parents. Like you said I could drop my kid off. I'm expecting you to watch him.

SPEAKER_02 34:58

Right. You're hosting.

SPEAKER_01 34:59

I don't care. Yeah. Like what the what if something would have happened? Yeah. What if he broke his arm falling off, you know, one of the trampoline things? Like I would be livid. So yeah, I just reckless, careless.

SPEAKER_02 35:11

So I have been to parties, a couple parties, which is brand new to me. I went to be a part of the party, dropped my son off, figuratively speaking, knowing that I would physically still be there. And the mom said, Hey, do you have anything to do? Go do it. Come back at the pick of time and leave him here. Do you have any errands to run? And I was shocked by such thoughts and suggestions. And I didn't have anything to do, so I stayed. I think me and two other parents stayed behind, but the whole slew of other parents were gone. I went to another party, the same thing. Oh, go out, come back and pick up, and we'll take care of your kids. But again, the parents stated that to me because they were going to remain and be present and stay in the building and take care of the child. So the fact that this mother wrote that and maybe she melt herself an invitation and was like, oh my gosh, I don't have to be there because and I've been to birthday parties at trampoline parks. It's crazy hectic in there. And seven-year-olds, your child was just six yesterday or a week ago. You're gonna leave a bunch of seven-year-olds, six and seven-year-olds at a trampoline park is outlandish. How dare you put that in there and then feel the need to leave and disappear and go shopping? Thank God for the other parents that were there. I'm assuming they didn't know because the trampoline staff were calling frantically. We just wouldn't expect that.

SPEAKER_01 36:39

You would not expect the host parent to leave.

SPEAKER_02 36:42

Who's who's ticket charge? Did you appoint anyone? Is your child in charge? It's their party, right? Maybe that's what she was thinking.

SPEAKER_01 36:49

Oh my god. Yeah. Did you talk to the staff? Who did you think was gonna watch these kids? They'll watch themselves. They're seven. They are seven years old. Freshly seven.

SPEAKER_02 36:59

Like we're talking six. Your child was just six, even a month ago. Whenever you decided to have this party, however, 15, seven-year-olds?

SPEAKER_01 37:07

Oh my gosh. Look, I I work in education. Okay. Fifte seven-year-olds? Oh no. Oh no. There is a whole lot of nonsense going on. That is crazy.

SPEAKER_02 37:18

Or she's clearly going through something, again, deeply rooted. At the end of the day, these stories that we're reading about, these moms are doing things that we feel the norm wouldn't do, to me, is clearly giving bruted emotional damage that they just haven't been able to deal with. It hasn't reached the surface. And unfortunately, they're handling it in very odd ways, which goes to show you that having a place to pour out your emotions and making sure your cup is getting refilled because it seems like these ladies' cups are on E. There's they've surpassed E. They're so past E that they're pushing their car. They're pushing to get through. They're pushing themselves every single day. And that's so sad because there's there really are a lot of resources out there. And making sure that you can just tap into that and find those places can definitely make a difference between leaving your child's birthday party or not leaving your child's birthday party, or telling your 15 or 16-year-old to show her, lift her shirt up for a stuffed animal that I'm sure it costs like 10 bucks. It makes a difference with getting that help.

SPEAKER_01 38:31

Okay. So I I agree with everything you said, except for the fact that I can't imagine that every single one of these parents has some past trauma. I really do think there are some people who just have no brain cells. Like they're just selfish and carefully.

SPEAKER_02 38:52

Everybody has some type of trauma. Paris feel trauma, even the richest people. And I hate to throw your name out there, but the the all these celebrities, all these people that are are perceiving themselves as perfect, everything's fine. Everything's fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine.

SPEAKER_01 39:07

There, there is trauma. I believe people have trauma. I don't believe that everyone has deeply rooted trauma. Every single person has deeply rooted trauma. As opposed to what? What's your argument? Being careless. Some people are just so careless. Some people do not have common sense. They don't. They really don't.

SPEAKER_02 39:26

I think when it comes to parenting and women, because I feel that we're all embedded with nurturing. Not every woman taps into that nurturing space. I feel like it's embedded with us, but not every woman is going to tap into that space. There's women that get pregnant, they don't want to have the child. There's so many different avenues that we're not going to touch base on in that res respect or regard, but to say that, oh, you just don't have common sense. And not to help these women and blame them on their trauma, but to tell your 15 or 16-year-old, oh, Mr. Shredd up, or to think that that makes sense to leave the party. There, maybe she was left as a child. Maybe I just I truly think, and I'm not trying to give these women an olive branch. I just truly think that there's so many people out there that have traumatic experiences and they just don't discuss it. They don't talk about their trauma. They keep it to themselves. They feel ashamed. There, they don't believe in therapy. They don't have friends that they can trust. They've been burned. They, I mean, there are just so many different reasons why people will do the things that they do. And here you are speaking with a level mind. I have common sense. We have common sense. But yet there's still traumatic experiences that we both dealt with. And it not not it may not be to the extent of like crazy trauma, but it could be, you never know what's going to trigger someone. You never know what that person from birth to 22, to 28, to 47, and their new parent, and why I need to leave this kid, my seven-year-old, because I'm a single mom and you're lucky I'm even throwing you this party right now because I'm still mad at your dad for leaving me because he traumatized me and now I had to pay for this whole thing. I don't want to be here right now, but here's your birthday party. Good luck. Or you know, it could be anything. I mean, it could be anything. It could be this the smallest thing that causes trauma, but that small thing can turn into something grand because they never addressed it.

SPEAKER_01 41:24

So I get what you're saying. I get what you're saying, and I'm not trying to like cold hearted or you know, just a total B. But I don't believe every single person who does some dumbass thing as a parent has deeply rooted trauma. Like some people are just not that bright. They make bad decisions. They make bad decisions. And does it mean that they have deeply rooted trauma? Just they made a bad decision and they just need to be held accountable for their decisions. I'm not saying they don't need to be held accountable. I wanted to clarify that because you really seem like you're coddling. Absolutely not.

SPEAKER_02 42:02

I'm just saying there's a lot of mental disorders here.

SPEAKER_01 42:05

That I agree with. That I agree. So I don't want to seem like I don't get that because I do, and I don't like to judge other people. But sometimes these people give you no other option but to judge them because they do some really idiotic shit.

SPEAKER_02 42:19

Yeah, but again, you don't know their backstory. And maybe I complain devil's advocate. What do you mean you left your kid at a birthday party and you went to go shopping? That's crazy. And then she might tell you the sad story. Okay, girl, if you had this sad story in your back pocket, why didn't you go talk to a therapist? Like, why would you wait until your child's seventh birthday to do something ridiculous like this? Because that was insane when you could have handled that when you were 18 and moved out of your mom's house or whatever this case is. I'm saying, like, yeah, are there a lot of people that don't use common sense every day? But for me, common sense is oh, you didn't turn your blinker on when you turned right, when you should have turned right, and then you hit a car because they didn't see your blinker on or something, and then they're like, Oh, you didn't have your blinker on. So common sense, turn your blinker on next time because that's what the blinkers are, and it's part of the rules. But when people do things like that with their kids and they move, I think a lot of people have deeply rushed history.

SPEAKER_01 43:12

A lot, but not everyone.

SPEAKER_02 43:13

I'm not saying everyone, I would say the majority of the people. That's what I'm saying. I guess we can agree to disagree about that. Well, Poras, that is all that we have today. All these Reddit stories is literally all that we can handle. So make sure you hit us up on any socials, leave comments for us, send us some text messages, an email, and just give us your thoughts on today's episode. Send us a DM. And again, don't forget to follow us on Pouring in Parenting, Instagram, TikTok, all our main platforms that we use for now. We'll keep you updated for any other platforms that we tap in on.

SPEAKER_01 43:49

All right. Thank you for listening to another episode of Pouring in Parenting. Recipe happens and we pour about it.