Pouring and Parenting
Two best friends, now wives and moms, grab a drink and keep it real about juggling family, careers, trends, and all the mess in between. It’s funny, honest, and full of heart — a weekly reminder that no woman is doing this alone.
Pouring and Parenting
Ep. 36 Starting Over Again
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Moving chaos tests your marriage—and how to come out stronger — Discover how relocating, whether across town or across states, can turn your relationship into a battlefield. But there's hope: insider tips to keep your love intact amid the chaos. When the stress of packing, unpacking, and cultural shifts hits hard, it’s easy to forget that marriage isn’t always a perfect 50-50 partnership—especially during high-stakes transitions like moving or welcoming a new baby.
In this episode, Inish and Sil delve into the emotional and logistical upheavals that come with uprooting your life, sharing personal stories and expert insights. From protecting your marriage during the "city vs. state line shuffle" to managing the invisible load of responsibilities, they provide practical strategies to navigate these turbulent waters. Tune in, get inspired, and remind your partner: you’re stronger together, even in the messiest moments.
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This episode may include references to alcohol. As always, we encourage responsible sipping- water, mocktails, and coffee count too.
Grab your glass and pull up a chair. It's time for your favorite girl's night in.
SPEAKER_00Welcome to Pouring and Parenting, where your besties, Cell and Anish.
SPEAKER_01We're here to laugh through the chaos. Hello, Pourers. Let's start the show. Hey, hey, hey, welcome back to another episode of Pouring and Parenting. It's your girl Anish. And I'm Cell. And today we have another fun-filled, adventurous episode for you all. We will be giving you some insight to moving and just how to navigate. If you're in the trenches, we're about to embark. But of course, before we get started, Sil, how are we doing today?
SPEAKER_00You know what? Today has been just an off day. Like, just nothing aligned for me. I've been in like a weird mood. And to end my day, I don't know what I did. I don't know what I touched. I made jambalaya for dinner. So there's like a lot of like peppers and just like a lot of random ingredients that go in there. My middle finger is burning. It feels like I touched a hundred jalapenos. Oh my gosh. And when I was putting my contacts earlier, mind you, I didn't feel it burning yet. I went to put on my contacts and my eyeball was on fire. I was like, oh my gosh. And I had just washed my hands. So I thought, oh, maybe I had I left soap, like I didn't do a good job rinsing. So I rinsed my hands again really well. I go to put on my other contact, and now I'm both eyes are just I'm like almost hugging myself. I've got so much pain. And now it's just my middle finger that is on freaking fire. I've been putting aloe vera on it. I've washed it. I've I don't know what else to do. So that's like just a nice way to end my day. Like it just wraps up how my whole day has been.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I am sorry to hear that. I hate to say it, but I had a pretty decent day compared to your day.
unknownNo.
SPEAKER_01Not trying to rub that in your face. But yeah, I had a I had a decent day. No burning fingers or any anything happening. Running eyeballs. Burning eyeballs. But oh, I'm sorry. Well, hopefully this episode will will turn that frown if you have well, you have a smile on your face, but we'll just I am smiling. Round the fake it till you can make it, darling. Yes. Hopefully this will round your day off. And perhaps you poured something that will help you take the edge off. So what did you pour?
SPEAKER_00No, I did. I needed somebody to take the edge off. I almost didn't. I almost was going to just brew myself some tea. I just bought myself a lemon ginger pack of tea. I was like, you know what? That would be like the mature thing to do is to unwind with some tea. And I was like, well, I'm not that mature. So I poured myself. It's so I looked up the name online. I think I made something similar on the middleweek pour, but it's basically Bailey's and Butterscotch snaps. And it's called a slippery dick. Hello. Right. So because the ingredients are similar to that of a buttery nipple, they named this a slippery dick. So that is what I'm drinking today. And I did have a heavy hand this time, and I don't care because I need every bit of this alcohol. Every bit of that slippery dick. Okay. Slippery D. I never heard of that name before. Right. I know when it sounds like, oh my god, Google. What's this?
SPEAKER_01Take it easy. Okay. But it's before. To no surprise. I did the opposite to a certain extent. I well, I definitely wasn't gonna pour any tea. That's crazy. But I was gonna do an old fashioned, and I honestly just didn't feel like making it, I guess. It's not like I was about to be all hardcore and bartending status over here, but I I just didn't feel like dealing with it, honestly. So um I have a new bottle of wine, and so yes, Pinot Grigio, but uh not the same Pinot Grigio, not the same that I had the other week or two ago, but good old Pinot Grigio. Okay, cheers. All right, cheers, stinky. Okay, ladies and gentlemen, today's episode is for anyone who has ever packed a cardboard box and immediately wanted to perhaps fight their spouse. So, right after our hot topics, we're gonna be diving into the chaos of moving, which is something I am very, very, very familiar with. Whether you're relocating across the country or just moving three neighborhoods over, we're gonna be talking about how to protect your marriage during the chaos and the truth about dirty dumping. And stay tuned if you never heard of such phrase, and why a healthy marriage, why a healthy marriage isn't 50-50 during a transition. It ends up tending to be 80-20 or higher or lower, depending on your dynamic in your household. So, ladies and gentlemen, hold on to your butts. Let's get into the trending hot topics. So the same city shuffle versus the state line leap. The data shows that the 2026 American Migration Trends report reveals that when people plan a move, 34% choose a local move within their current city, while 26 move cross state lines completely. So the psychology behind why both types of moves, moves cause massive stress, but mess with your head are entirely different. So they do different things to your mental. The state-to-state is a culture shock. You're rebuilding your village, your school systems, and your daily grocery store routes from scratch. It's overwhelming, but your brain at least expects it to be hard. So your brain's already mentally preparing for that moment to happen. The same city is a hidden trap. Your brain thinks that it should be a breeze because you just moved down the street. Or, you know, you're within your city or within your district or county. But the home base is entirely disruptive because you're trying to keep up your normal daily school runs, work routines, and social commitments while living out of cardboard boxes causes a massive mental clash. So you've done the city, I've done both, but you've done the city to city move.
SPEAKER_00Can you relate to that? Yeah, definitely. I mean, life is still going on for the family, friends around you, whether you're moving or not. But when you're moving and you have so much going on and you still are keeping up with the same stuff that you normally would, like it's just double, double the headaches at this point because unless you're going through it, you really don't get it. Like I would rather stay home and unpack than go to this party this weekend. But I'm I'm still close enough to go. Like I didn't move that far. You know, so now things just have to get put back or pushed back either into a corner or to the back of my brain to be able to still do those things that are, you know, in the area. So I I can see that being a hidden trap because you're still going to be expected to do all the normal things while your household is a disaster.
SPEAKER_01Yes. Yes. I yeah, that's so true. And I guess you don't even necessarily think about that in the midst of moving, but like you said, life is still happening. You're still within the same town or city, county, and people are you're still here. They don't care that you're moving and unpacking. Moving state to state, though, I can definitely relate to that because there are definitely, definitely so many factors that go into it. My GPS is working overtime, the first like six months of trying to get me from point A to point B. How do I get to the grocery store? What is the best route to take the kids to school? What, you know, where are the cool places to go? Where should I not go? And your brain is who do I need to watch in the neighborhood? And making new friends, adult friends, making, making sure your kids' friends are the right friends. Who's the right crowd? There are so many different expectations and just thoughts that are going through your head when you're moving state to state. It definitely can be very, very overwhelming. My family and I just moved across states from Texas to Iowa. And at this point, I'm feeling pretty professional about it. So the stress factor isn't as prominent as it has been in the past. And even then, I don't mind making new friends and meeting new people. And my son seems to be doing well, but it's definitely something to keep in mind if you're if you're currently in that that space to move across states or even city to city. Oh, and the culture shock. I want to mention that too. The culture shock is definitely probably more so real for me. That's the biggest thing, is relearning a new culture within the city or the towns. And we've been moving to small towns, and it's it's definitely a culture shock seeing how people move or how they live, and just their energy is different, especially in different states. There's a lot that goes into it.
SPEAKER_00All right, the next hot topic is the lifestyle reset move versus corporate mandate. Combined data from the Stanford University Survey of Working Arrangements and the National Association of Villagers shows remote work has matured. So it's holding at a 28% of all full work days, which is causing a massive shift, which is 45% of people relocating are now moving purely for lifestyle and affordability. So at one point, the main reason people would move would be for work. That has changed. 45% are relocating just because they can and they want to or they need to for affordability. So rather than the standard corporate transfers, the pressure on marriage shifts depending on why you pack up. When you are forced to move for a specific job, you can blame the stress on the external circumstance. You had to move, right? But when a family chooses to uproot for a better lifestyle, there is immense pressure for the move to be instantly worth it. If the kid if the kids are struggling to adjust or the logistics gets messy, the guilt is much heavier because you chose the reset. So I niche. Based on your circumstances, how do you feel about that? Because and if it's okay to say you have moved, you're not in that fight 45%. You didn't move because of lifestyle and affordability, you moved because of corporate transfers. The job could be blamed in this case, but because it's kind of often, do you still feel that way?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I I I blame the I blame the I blame the logistics of the job that my husband is in. The turnover rate, just the way that it's handled. But I don't know if we knew going into this shift because he changed his, not necessarily his career path. He is in the sports industry when it comes to working. And he just elevated. He wanted an elevation. He had reached his pinnacle and and he needed more more of a challenge for work. And so I don't think we knew the logistics of how quick things can shift and how quickly things can happen. But so yeah, I blame, I just blame the system. I blame the the workforce. I blame the corporateness aspect of it for sure. Okay.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Yeah. I mean, and it makes sense, you know, because of that special circumstance that you guys are in for others moving for affordability and lifestyle. I'm sure that it like you can't just go in it and assuming, oh, it's gonna be great, we're gonna save so much money, you know, we're gonna be able to relax here or whatever the case may be. There's still gonna be bumps in the road. Like it's very rare that something's as big as a move where you're moving all of your personal belongings and you're going to a new state or new city or whatever the case may be, that it's not gonna get a little messy. Like it's moving. It's not easy and it's stressful for everyone involved. I'm just glad it's been about six years since my last move. I don't see any move in my future, especially, well, I was planning, my family and I were planning to move out of state, but it wasn't even like one of the states on the mainland. We were planning to go to Hawaii, and that in itself, just to I mean, I had to look up how to get my car there. You know, I can't drive it there. You know, so there was just so much logistics going into it, and it was just it was too much. And we we were definitely not going for affordability, but just the lifestyle change, and it was just that alone, it wasn't worth it, at least not yet.
SPEAKER_01I heard of that. Well, there are definitely more moves in my future because though I like Iowa so far, Iowa, you are not my forever home. Okay, so looking at all, yeah, no, I'm trying to get back to Cali. I'm a city girl. Yeah, I am a city girl. Okay, well, looking at all the data, it's no secret that uprooting your life flips your brain threat detection system into high gear. In fact, it's said that a change in residence is a top-tier life stressor that completely disrupts your sense of order for some. So let's get into the reality of it. Here is how moving actually tests your marriage and how to navigate the transition together. Okay, let's get into the show, ladies and gentlemen. Dirty dumping, I mentioned it earlier today. Now let me tell you what it means. If you don't know, now you will know. Okay, I wonder what that means. So dirty dumping and the packing pettiness. 70% of couples fight during a move, and one in three people admit to dirty dumping, which is industry term for secretly throwing away a partner's prize possession just to save space in the moving truck or in the home. Still, with a couple of moves that you've done, are you guilty of dirty dumping?
SPEAKER_00I don't think so. When I met my husband, I mean, he was still I mean, we were both living with our parents. I don't want to make it sound bad like he was still doing it at home. We were both living at home. So he didn't really have too much. Now, we have moved a couple of times. We went from one home, no, we went from an apartment to a home to another home. And along the way, I remember there was this, it was it was a table. It was, but it was kind of one of those like small tables that you put like a TV on or something like that. And I didn't like it. He had had it before he even knew me. But I'm like, okay, we're like what, four, five years, five years in at this point. Um, I think it was our second move. I was like, it's time to get rid of it. And he did not want to. He didn't, like, he had some weird emotional connection to this table. And finally he gave in. But I'm like, where are we gonna put it? Like, I don't like it. Like it's not gonna go in the living room, like it's not gonna go in our bedroom. The kid, well, we only had one kid at the time. Like, if the kid don't want it, I had to like really nag him to get rid of it. But I definitely aesthetic. Definitely not. It was very, it was very like bachelor-ish. Like, yeah, a guy would own this table, not a married couple. But other than that, I don't think I've ever secretly thrown anything of his away in a move.
SPEAKER_01No dirty dumping for you. That's good. I I've never dirty dumped anything. I feel my husband dirty dumped on me. He sure did. And and I don't know when I'll I don't think I'll ever stop talking about it. But he he left a bunch of stuff in storage and we lost it. And it was an aggressive dirty dump that he did. Yeah, I'll never not talk about it. Whenever I feel the the nerve, the energy, the moment to bring it up, I'm gonna say something. Remember that one time, you but since then, if anything, that started the trend of me being a lot more okay with openly, willingly leaving stuff behind. And with this last movement move in Texas, a friend of mine is the complete opposite of me with wanting to keep everything. She was all or she's all about she'll sell everything and just start over again. And with our husbands being in the the same career field, she's all about I'm not taking all this stuff with me. We got to move across state, so less is better. And we had a garage sale, and even unpacking, I felt just nice because I was missing stuff, but I knew that it was missing because I got rid of it at the garage sale. And I was like, wow, like this, it actually is nice to not having to take the stuff because I wasn't even using it. So dirty dumping on yourself is probably ideal. Get rid of some stuff.
SPEAKER_00Sounds awful.
unknownWhat?
SPEAKER_00Dirty dumping yourself.
SPEAKER_01Dirty dumping.
SPEAKER_00Dirty dump on yourself, please. What are we telling these people? I like this phrase.
SPEAKER_01I'm gonna keep using it. I'm gonna keep do not dirty dump on yourself. Don't don't literally dirty dump on yourself, ladies and gentlemen. I don't know if that's possible. I want to emphasize the dirty is unnecessary if you're already dumping on yourself. But but definitely if you if there are any ways that you can lighten the load, then do that with when you're packing and getting ready to move because less is more. You can repurchase what you need or realize you didn't even really need all of that stuff. And that's where I'm at right now. I realize that I didn't I don't need 30 plates. Who am I serving? What why did I need all that, all those plates and silverware? So that is something I want to meet the people that admitted to doing that. I want to talk to us. Like, what did you what did you need to secretly get rid of? And did they find out?
SPEAKER_00Right. Yeah, how did they react when they found out? How did they react? Yes. Yeah. All right, and for our next one, the whose job is harder trap. So discuss the dangerous emotional turning point where roles shift. One partner is crushed by an intense new schedule or commute, while the other is carrying the immense invisible load of parent guilt, managing the stress of unpacking, setting up the kitchen, helping the kids find new friends and schools. It's easy to play the oppression Olympics of who is more tired rather than validating each other's different versions of exhaustion. Ooh, that one's tough. That one is tough because I think regardless, both people in the relationship have a hard time with the new setup, the new location, whether it's your commute, whether it's working with the kids to find those friends, a new school. And like we talked about a few episodes ago, I believe, your son actually does handle this part pretty well when it pertains to going to a new school, making new friends. He's a social butterfly like his mother. But that's not the case for all these kids. And sometimes you'll hear kids be like, Well, why did we have to move? And you know, you start feeling that guilt as a parent. And most likely this move was in the best interest of the entire family. They don't always see it that way. So I can see why it just want to be the one who's like, I'm tired, figure it out. But in reality, you know, it I think both partners should speak to one another, speak to everyone in the family in your household. Yeah, just even vent. Cause it's really not whose job is harder, but we just all as a family need to support one another. And it's okay to feel upset or it's okay to feel sad or or or frustrated because of this new move. It's not always gonna be like it. It's just a moment in time. Eventually that'll pass and it's gonna be like, oh, remember when we moved, you know, so many months ago, whatever. Like, you know, you just get so used to your new life. But it does take an adjustment. And I think that as a family, you should together speak, give each other time to vent, give each other the space to just really have your feelings because eventually it it's it's gonna go away and it's gonna be okay again.
SPEAKER_01Right, absolutely. Well said, and all you have are each other to lean on in that moment. You have each other. So debating on who's doing more work or what's happening outside of the home or inside of the home is literally gonna get y'all nowhere but frustrated with each each other and being there for each other and leaning on each other and embracing those emotions that's happening. We had a discussion, we had a family meeting and told the kids, hey, we're this is what we're doing. I bought my son a really large map, and we were able to show the boys, hey, this is where we're at now, and this is where we're getting ready to move. This is where grandma's at and papa, this is where granny's at in proximity to where we're at right now. And just have an open discussion. Don't sprain on them. We we told them about a week after we found out that the move was gonna happen. Just being honest, be open and honest with your kids. We advocate for that a lot with discussing and having open conversations within your family and keeping that dynamic positive and and upbeat will definitely help as best as it can possibly help before the transition. Because before you know it, the kids will be making friends and hopefully you'll be out there making friends. Try not to be combative with your partner, your spouse. Try not to have that oppression Olympic with your spouse. And we're gonna talk about some stuff. Yeah, yeah. We're gonna we're gonna drop some some helpful hints towards the end of today's episode. So make sure you stay locked in with us as we move forward. So um let's normalize the reality that marriage isn't a permanent 50-50 during a high-stakes transition. The dashboard check-in, which is something that Sil and I have talked about a couple of times on our platform. So literally telling your spouse, I'm at a 20 today. I need you to bring the 80 if we're going to make it to bedtime. It's about dropping the scorecard and embracing the grace period. Again, we've talked about this before. Sil, you mentioned that you've come home and you're tell your husband, hey, I need, I need like 20 minutes. I need to reset and regroup. And you've mentioned you'll go take a nap or just do whatever you need to do, solo, dolo. And your husband knows he locks in and takes charge of the household. So he's picking up that that extra weight for you. He's taking that load off for you. And when you are doing anything, not even just moving, just any transitional moment that could be having a baby.
SPEAKER_00Exactly. I was just thinking that having a baby, like it's definitely not 50-50 after you come home from the hospital. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely not. I no, no, just take me back to the hospital. That's what you want.
SPEAKER_01It's not gonna be 50-50. Give me my nurses. Or they have them wake me up every 10, two hours to check on me and make sure everything's going right. But yeah, everything's not always gonna be 50-50. Any type of high-stakes shift that can be transitional in your in your life, having a baby, moving. You mentioned with the beginning of the summer, your home for the summer. That was a transition within the household. Right. And I mean, there's just so many things. Even just switching from one school to the next school in a different district could be a lot for your kids. It could be a lot for you because now you have to figure out the dynamic that your child's gonna bring home from meeting these new kids at school. So again, having that open line of communication with your your spouse is so, so, so imperative because the silence is going to help no one. Communication and making sure that you both are on the same page as a team because relationship is teamwork, keeping hush hush because you're at a 20, and or you're you're you feel like you're giving the 80 and your spouse is giving the 20, and you're keeping all of that inside is the cause for explosion and frustration. Drop the scorecard and embrace the grace period. Give each other grace and and just love on each other. Love, love, love on each other. So, ladies and gentlemen, that is the first half of our show. We're gonna be jumping into the mid-show break, but stay tuned because the second half of the show, we're gonna be diving into just some trending tools and ways to help you navigate everything that we've been saying. Whether you're in the process of moving, you've moved already, and you're in the midst of the chaos in your household, or you moved in the past and maybe you have a friend that needs some guidance. Direct them to this episode, and hopefully, the second half, we can hold your hand through the process. But still, get us into this mid-show break, honey.
SPEAKER_00All right, so um, if you have been listening to us, you know how this goes. For those of you who are new to our show, we are doing our sing to me segment. This is when I ask Ainish a question based on song lyrics, and not only does she need to answer the question, but she needs to sing it back to me. Then after her turn, she'll ask me, we'll do that for two rounds, and let's see who wins. All right, Anish, are you ready? Yes, I am as ready as I'm gonna be, honey. Okay. In Chris Brown's Loyal, he says, You done spent your blank on her and it's all for nothing. What did he spend his written on her?
SPEAKER_01Like I just made up the the rhythm. Yep, you bet. They're not a band. He's been what does he say? This is gonna piss me off. This is probably the only time out of all the times that I'm gonna be upset. I don't think I've ever really felt upset. But this is gonna this is gonna haunt me, actually. It's rent. You just spent your rent and it's all is it rent? You just spent your rent and it's all for nothing. Why can't I find that's it? It has to be. That's my answer. That's not it. I don't like your face. What do you think?
SPEAKER_00Is that your final answer? I don't know. Can you sing it to me? Can you sing it to me, please?
SPEAKER_01You just spit your rent and it's oh for nothing. Like he sings it.
SPEAKER_03Why can't I use that?
unknownI don't know.
SPEAKER_01Like I can't catch the meat. He just spit so I know he sings it and it was oh for nothing. What song is like what rhythm it can I that's just that's the lyrics alright? It gotta be.
SPEAKER_00You are wrong. Okay, so let's see. Let me go back a little bit to catch the dynamics of that part of the song. So he goes, Come on, come on, girl, why are you fronting, baby? Show me something. You done spent your bread on it, and it's all for another bread. Bread bread.
SPEAKER_01You were close. Man, I said everything. You said band, right? I said band, yeah. Yeah, it's like oh the bee, it's close. Yeah, man. What will Jaw rule? So, what will Jaw Rule do when you cry in his song Put It on Me?
SPEAKER_00When you cry and I cry and we cry together. No? Is that is that the right song? Why are you looking like that? Is that a completely different song? You were rude.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you know I got it. I'll ask you one more time. You are rude. What will Jaw Rule do when you cry in his song Put It on Me? My gosh. It's loud and wrong.
SPEAKER_00That's embarrassing. Like I almost want to take these headphones and walk away. Call it a knife. Done. Who's gonna cry? Who's gonna wipe your tears? No. Is that the same song? And tell you there's nothing to fear and not always be here? I I think I'm confusing it with another song. Wait, wait, and when you cry, my heart's gonna cry. I need a final answer. Oh my gosh. My heart's gonna cry.
SPEAKER_01You oh my gosh. You you said it, but then you mixed up lyrics. Oh shit. Okay, so I'd give you like a half a point. Okay, what was that? So when you cry, who wipes your tears? When you're scared, who's telling you there's nothing to fear? Yeah. So pretty so the thing that you're gonna get it. Then oh my god, she's putting all these lyrics together.
SPEAKER_00Okay, all right. And Bobby Brown's my prerogative. What does he see?
SPEAKER_01Nothing wrong with doing do what I want to do. It's my prerogative.
SPEAKER_03There's nothing wrong with being do what I want to do.
SPEAKER_01That's not a part of it. I can do it. I'm just gonna keep saying it. I can do what I want to do.
SPEAKER_00What was he say after that?
SPEAKER_01It's just Sena Brittany Spears remade that song.
SPEAKER_00I loved her version. I had her version on a burnt CD and I would blast it in my car.
SPEAKER_01That's so funny. I think Robert Brown didn't like it. He didn't like it. He didn't like it at all. He approved it, but he didn't he didn't realize that's what it was gonna become.
SPEAKER_00It's just the female version of his song. He wasn't vibing with it at all. Okay, what double standards? I don't know, I don't know. See nothing wrong with spreading myself around. Everybody's talking all this stuff about me.
SPEAKER_02Why don't they just let me live? Tell me why.
SPEAKER_00See, there you go. I wouldn't have got that.
SPEAKER_01I wouldn't have around spreading himself around. Good old Bobby Brown spreading himself around. What a sick way to say what he's doing.
SPEAKER_00Right, and Britney said the same thing. Brittany.
SPEAKER_03Oh yeah. I loved it.
SPEAKER_00You know what? That's not on my list. I gotta add that.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Why did Avant always get a bad vibe in his single separated?
SPEAKER_00Ooh. Not a song I listen to frequently. Um she was always on the phone? Is that your final answer? Um trying to s figure out to sing it, but I can't.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, we were together. And now it's time we're separated. We can't stand one another. I don't know. If you were on the phone, I could catch a bad vibe. I don't know.
SPEAKER_01Shit. I don't know. Okay, the answer to the question is Okay. Every time I see you, I get a bad vibe. Oh damn. Yeah. Every time I see you. Just thinking of someone in between your thighs.
SPEAKER_00Oh, yeah, that song is not on my radar at all. I love that song. I used to add his CD. He has a great voice. I like it. I do like a bomb, but I was I wasn't like a big fan, but I would listen like if he's on, I would listen. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Well, okay, ladies and gentlemen, that was our Sing to Me challenge. The song. I was about to say the songs are our our questions are getting more challenging. How did you do? Do you play along with us? Are you as confused and as lost as we sometimes are? Please make sure if you're not already following us, go find us on social media. Don't be afraid. Don't hide. Show us who you are. Follow us on Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, YouTube, and check out our fun little reels that we post on those platforms. But moving right along into the second half of our episode, as I mentioned before, we're gonna talk about just different ways to help you all if you're in the midst of moving and packing, where to start, where to begin so you're not so flustered or overwhelmed when it comes to the burden that's already happening, which is the move itself and making that big transition. So these are all trending topics that are on social media. So you can also look them up there and dive deeper if something catches your eye. The sanctuary room rule: pick one room, usually the master bedroom or the kids' room, and unpack it entirely on day one. If you can, don't put too much pressure on yourself. Close the door to the rest of the warehouse chaos. Having one clean, calm space acts as a visual mental reset button when you feel overwhelmed. See, I do this to a certain extent. I actually don't start on the bedrooms, I start in the kitchen because I'm trying to start cooking so we're not eating out too much. So makes sense. Yes. So why we start or I start unpacking the kitchen. Honestly, to me, the kitchen is the most overwhelming because you're in a new space. There's different cabinets. Where do I put my pots and pans? Where do I want my plates to go? Where do I want my wine cups to go? Gotta make sense. My wine glasses. Yes, everything has to be functional. So this trend, I would definitely now if that's the vibe you want to go because you want to sleep in your bed comfortably the first night, then by all means, unpack your bedroom. But we have air mattresses and we all sleep like a pack of wolves together the first, like the first month that we move into a space until because I'll honestly, that's the last space that I'll touch base on, and that's it's worked. No one complains about it. The kids love that we sleep like a pack of wolves. My husband doesn't complain because everyone's getting dinner, the kitchen's clean, our living space is clean, and the bedroom is easy. And maybe that's why they're saying to do that first, because there's only so much you can do in the bedroom. Put your clothes in a closet, put your stuff in the drawer, organize it. Right. But I'd rather have a I'd rather walk into the house and see clean than walk and see chaos when I first walk into the house. If we leave the house. I agree. Okay. Or just go upstairs and close the door because our room's clean and I even look down or go into your bedroom and not even look. Not even look at the chaos that's happening outside of the bedroom door. So take that as you may. But for me and mine, I start with the kitchen, work my way to the living room, and then work. So I do the the reverse. Okay.
SPEAKER_00All right. Next is give yourself a 30-day grace period. Okay. Make a vow with your partner that nothing said or done in frustration while trying to assemble friendship or like locate extension cords counts against the relationship. So put a hard freeze on evaluating the marriage for the first month. So yes, we said that moving, it really can take a toll on a marriage, uh, the family in general. So give your guys' self time. Like you're still frustrated, you're still like in defense mode, you're still like trying to figure out life, your brain is probably very overstimulated. So before you go and just like, oh, this marriage isn't working, or you know, this isn't working, this move was stupid, or whatever the case may be, give yourself a 30-day grace period. Okay. Just tell yourself, you know what, this is gonna pass. Like this is just in the moment right now. Like we're we're all stressed, we're all frustrated, but we're gonna get through this together. Together. Absolutely. Okay, so there's no blaming, there's not none of that. You're all going through it. Make it easy for everyone and just try to chill a bit for 30 days. On day 31, you let them have it. Let them have it.
SPEAKER_01That's a good piece of advice to take and run with. Color coding the threshold. A massive trending hack online is using colored tape for your boxes. For example, red for kitchen, blue for master. The real secret weapon, tape a matching piece of colored tape to the actual door frames of the new house. Anyone helping you move instantly knows where the box goes without needing to ask you a single question. I love this and wish I would have been doing this. We write our names on the box, we do it the old-fashioned way: kids' room, kitchen, living room, bedroom. Oh my gosh, but the color coding thing, somehow stuff still gets put in the wrong room. I'm dragging boxes out of one room and putting it in a different room. We've reused boxes and it has the wrong location on there, and so it gets put in the wrong spot. And I'm just, man, if I had the tape, I could have just took the tape off and put another color on. I I'm all about it, especially to we get help and the lack of needing to converse with someone. Oh, where does this box go? To me, I think will benefit the person helping us move too. This was one of the first moves where we didn't have any help. And so it was easy for us to figure out. But in the past, we have definitely that question has come up more times than one would, oh, where does this go, babe? Hey, where does this go? Where does this box go?
SPEAKER_00I think the normal old school way of doing things is fine with them, like a it gets a mixture of both. So, because then you still have to go into the house before everyone else and put this tape on all the doors or whatever the case may be. I'll do it. Like maybe just label, like, okay, baby number one's room, baby number two's room, or you know, whatever the case is, and on the box, have that same thing written out. Like, all right, cool. This is baby number one, we're running baby number one's room. Like, what if you want another tape? What if what if you don't have enough colors for all the rooms in your house? Like, just I would just label. Oh, there are living post-its can fall off.
SPEAKER_01Put an extra piece of tape on it. Gosh, I didn't want to do much work. Don't worry, ladies and gentlemen. I will do this in the future and I'll let you know how it goes.
SPEAKER_00All right, and last but not least is the one-year rule audit. If it hasn't left the box since your last move or you hadn't laid eyes on it in a year, do not waste the physical energy packing it. Less in the truck means less friction on the bedroom floor. Yes and no. I think honestly depends on what it is. So if it's like clothes, okay, if it's a box of shoes that you forgot you had, and okay, you know what? Clearly you don't care for these shoes, toss it. If it's a box of bags, box of whatever the case may be, you know, don't bother packing it. But I think maybe this might pertain to things like if you have like like memories, things like uh, you know, things from like someone who's past or something that belonged to someone else. Like I have a box of old VHS tapes and a VCR player that belonged to my grandma. She was a huge Shirley Temple fan. And I kept all of her Shirley Temple videos that she had at her house. So I have that and I have the the VCR that she had. And I mean, I haven't watched it, but I don't see myself getting rid of it. So I think it just depends what it is. But if it's something that is for you and you really haven't used it, just don't bother. Okay. And if you're anything like me and like to go shopping, just reward yourself later and buy it later. Okay, but don't don't pack it if you don't need it, if you haven't used it.
SPEAKER_01Anish, what do you think? The whole shoes thing I don't agree with because I have a box of shoes. Were you targeting me? I feel like you were attacking me. Oh my god. Only because I don't I'm moving state to state. I'm have no friends in the new states that we move to. I have to re-make new connections with people. I usually don't have a babysitter 10 times out of 10. And so I just don't go out as much. And so people are probably like, girl, then get rid of the shoes, you ain't going nowhere.
SPEAKER_00Are you saving them for when you end up in Cali again?
unknownYes.
SPEAKER_00Buy yourself some new shoes.
SPEAKER_01I want to keep my shoes. They're cute. I don't, but that's the thing. I don't buy any shoes. I don't, I don't feel the need to purchase anything else. I can't remember the last time I bought a pair of shoes. And I yeah, I just I don't I don't go shopping, I don't make new purchases, they still fit, they're in pristine condition. So I don't see the need to get rid of them.
SPEAKER_00If one day blankets, if you have a box of blankets, you haven't used an over here. Okay. Toss them, get rid of them, don't eat them.
SPEAKER_01Yes, topics, maybe we got rid of a lot of towels. We had so many towels. We had so many bath towels, face cloths, like just a whole bunch of just cloth. I'm like, get rid of it. So we we got rid of a lot of that. And in the again, every move the the load gets lighter. It's not so taxing to unpack, just other than depending on the space that we're moving in, whether it's bigger or smaller, then that gets a little trickier. Overall, I overall I agree with it, just not you attacking me about my shoes because that was crazy. I didn't know about your box of shoes.
SPEAKER_00And hey, we still have a couple new ones.
SPEAKER_01We have a couple weeks before Chris Breezy. I might pull out a pair for the concert.
SPEAKER_00We hope so. There are some sad shoes in that box waiting to be worn. They're like the toys from Toy Story. And you don't play with us anymore.
SPEAKER_01Give us somebody who will play with us. I'm gonna challenge myself to bring a pair of shoes to wear that weekend and take a picture and post it in our stories. So listeners, listeners, if you're if you hear this episode and you're not following us, that's a reason to follow us. You can see a pair of shoes from the box in our Instagram story. Hopefully, I remember that I said this. But that part. Okay. Well, ladies and gentlemen, we are at the end of our episode. And we want to thank you so much for tuning in. And so the biggest takeaway today cut yourselves some slack. If your house is full of boxes and you're eating takeout on the floor for the fifth, sixth, seventh, eight night in a row, you are not failing. You are just in the messy middle of a reset.
SPEAKER_00Exactly. Drop the scorecard, let your marriage be 80 20 for a few weeks. And remember that these chaotic survival mode chapters are usually the ones you look back on and laugh about the most once the dust settles. You've got this.
SPEAKER_01Thank you for tuning in to another episode of Pouring and Parenting, where zip happens and we pour about it.