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Grab your glass and pull up a chair. It's time for your favorite girl's night in. Welcome to Pouring and Parenting, where your besties, Cell and Anish. We're here to laugh through the chaos. Hello, Poorers. Let's start the show. Hey, hey, hey. Welcome back to another episode of Pouring and Parenting. It's your girl Einish. And I'm Cell. Almost forgot who I was. And today we are going to be talking about sleep or lack thereof. We're going to be focusing on child sleep regression, some things that people just don't tell you about, being that they forgot about it or it's too traumatic to talk about. But we are not afraid to talk about it, ladies and gentlemen. And we're also going to be talking about marriage regression and just keeping the marriage happy and alive and focusing on the good stuff. There, there's regressions throughout our lives on a day-to-day basis. We are going to touch base on all of that and hopefully have a good episode for you all. But before we get into all of that, Sue, how are you doing today, my dear? I am doing well. I I feel like I have a bit of a sleep regression. I'm just kidding. I mean, I feel tired, but all in all, everything is pretty good. How about you? Okay. I am I'm on the up-and-up. That you know, I'm I'm in a happy mood. Today was a pretty good day. The days have been good. I really have no complaints at the moment that I can think of. Yeah. So hi. All is well. What did you pour into your cup today? Okay, so today I poured a Malibu rum and lemonade, something really refreshing and light. Yeah, it's it's pretty good. It's what I needed today. How about you? Okay, well, hold on to your butts, ladies and gentlemen. I got a different drink tonight. Interesting. Cracked, I cracked open a white claw. Oh, okay. I cracked open a white claw. And it's it's really refreshing. And I don't miss my wine tonight. Maybe just a little bit. My Pinot. So don't be surprised if I'm back with the Pinot next week. Take your bits. Place your bits. Will I have a Pinot? Will I not? Well, cheers to you, Sil. Pinot. You'll have a Pinot. Hey. Pino. I was like, wait a minute, that didn't sound right. She'll have the Pinot, I'm sure. But yes, the Pinot. Cheers. Cheers. Alrighty, ladies and gentlemen. As I stated at the top of the show, we are going to be talking about child sleep regression. This first half of the show, and stay for the second half if you are interested in listening to relationship regression and how to just make it through the funk of it all. Starting with early childhood sleep regression. Today we're going to be focusing on the reality that sleep issues are incredibly common with the littles and tied to massive brain growth, not bad parenting. So we are going to be dropping a lot of facts. Sylla and I are going to go through sleep regression starting from zero to two years old, is where we're stop. After two, you're on your own. No, I'm just kidding. But that's where we're going to stop today. So hopefully, if you're in the midst of it, if you're with child now, if you know someone with child, direct someone to this episode, share the, you know, don't gatekeep and take notes because I wish somebody would have told me this with the first baby. But before we get into all those juicy details and all those yummy facts, facts and all and all those yummy facts, let's jump into our one hot topic that we will be discussing today. We have some wild stats on older kids and sleep. 70% of high school teenagers get less than the recommended eight hours of sleep a night, and nearly 30% of high schoolers admit to straight up falling asleep in class at least once a week. So, how do we fix this? This is crazy. Another stat before you answer that question to consider. I was ready. Another stat to consider is apparently in other countries like China, for instance, practice something called don't come for me, whoosh, whooshu, whooshi, noon naps, pretty much is that translates to noon naps, where workers and students literally roll out sleeping bags at their desk after lunch to recharge. In Japan, the workplace napping, there's another fancy name for that, is inuri inamuri is seen as a badge of honor. Proof that you're working so hard that you're exhausted. Do you think American high schools and offices should mandate nap time? So how do you feel? Yes. Yes, quick with it. Done. Yeah. Done. I mean, usually you have to wake up early to get to work, get to school. Your brain, it gets exhausted. And after the afternoon, especially after lunch, like you're not ready to take on more information. So if I can get a nap, feel rejuvenated, just in a little cat nap, and then continue with my day, like why not? And many countries do this. Like I've heard about this before where you know the whole town was shut down so everyone can nap. Like, yeah, so why? Why are we such workaholics here? We need breaks. Yes. Better living overall. I I truly agree with that as well. I think naps are great. And they're it they're not saying that you're gonna knock out for hours, but it's it's or hey if I'm allowed. Our naps, ours naps. If that's what they're they're selling, then yeah, we're buying. But to not allow anything to not even even a little bit is yuck. So I I mean I can see why these high schoolers, these these kids are knocking out and in the class, and they're saying once a week it might be more than that, and they're getting less than eight hours of sleep. I think a lot of that too, since we don't do that here in the states, parents, make sure your kids are getting the sleep. I know it's difficult if they're older. We don't have high school grade kids, but doing your best as you're still the parent, you're still the adult, and just enforcing and educating your kids, letting them know that sleep is very important. And your brain needs to rest, your body still needs to grow. I'm pretty sure I know for a fact, you know, they're in the room scrolling and say, Take the phone away, mom, dad, make sure these kids can get the rest of the thing. Get it back in the morning. Get it back in the morning. So that is our hot topic for today. And if you're listening and you have a teenager out there, count the hours of sleep they're getting a week and try it out for one week and see if maybe they'll be able to focus in class by taking their phone away at night or whatever is keeping them up at night and see if there's a big difference in your home. But let us jump into the meats of the show. As again, as I stated before, and I'm I keep teasing you, but wait no more. We're gonna be talking about sleep regression. So studies show that between 10 to 35% of parents report regular sleep problems or regressions with their children during early childhood. Sil is gonna jump into the first hurdle of when the sleep regression begins. All right, so from zero to one year old, we have some hurdles. This is tough for me only because my son, my firstborn, because he was premature, there were a lot of issues very early on. He didn't sleep for my gosh, probably like the first seven months. There was no schedule for him. He had colic, you know, he was just a lot uh he had issues digesting formula, he had issues digesting the breast milk. It just we just tried so many different things with him. So in between all that, sleep regressions were there, I'm sure, but it was almost unnoticeable because we just had so many obstacles to go through with him. Finally, he did start sleeping, but that was definitely later into that uh that first year. And I mean, that's just kind of a blur, just because everything was so rough. However, with my daughter, and being that that was a lot more recently than my son, I do want to say that she she started sleeping pretty well at a really early stage. So there's something called the fourth month mark, and this is the big biological shift where a baby's sleep cycles mature, a baby's sleep cycle matures to become more adult-like. So moving between light sleep and deep sleep. So waking up isn't a failure, it's just it's just a developmental progression. So with my daughter, I did notice that at about the four-month mark, she did start sleeping a little bit longer. Um she would sleep on her own in her bath night. We weren't co-sleeping, which is crazy because we co-sleep with her now, and that's a whole nother story. But do I see the sleep regressions? Do I see it occasionally? Yes, she it would make a phase. Um, and we knew it just had to do something with her development. Okay. Didn't know exactly what it was, but there was times where she would sleep throughout the night, other times she'd sleep like four to six hours and then wake up, and it really wasn't anything like too crazy. Maybe she just needed to be fed, changed, or she might just go right back to sleep. So it it really just depends on the child. No two children are alike. So you might get kids that start sleeping really early on, and others they might have issues. Like my son had colic. Okay, and a lot of kids have colic. They might have issues with digestion and getting formulas, and even if you breastfeed and you eat something that doesn't sit well with the baby, like so much stuff can affect a baby's sleep. So it's not don't look at it as a failure on your part. It's just you're learning your baby, your baby's developing still, and there's just so much going on in this early year of life that you just don't know right from wrong at this point. Don't blame yourself, don't blame the baby. Just figure it out. Yes, just roll with the punches. Easier said than done if you're in the trenches. Easier easier said than done if you're in the trenches of and having multiples. There's so many different variables that this can play on. This is just the the baseline and perhaps something that you can look back on to give yourself a little grace and say, okay, this is a milestone that you're going through. And again, it's nothing that you're doing wrong. Baby, it's just there's a lot they gotta learn. Their little bodies are just going through a lot, and they can't help it, you can't help it, but do your best, stay tough. We're gonna move on to the eighth to 10 month mark. This is driven by massive physical milestones like crawling, pulling up, and the sudden onset of object, permanence, and separation anxiety. Their brains are simply too busy practicing skills to want to sleep. Their little brains are like, I just learned all these new fun things today, and you want me to go to sleep. That's crazy. The regression kicks in. You put them down, they wake up because they want to walk. They wake up because they want to talk to you. They wake up because they want to play. And the that's the regression. That there's another moment of regression. You just figured it out at five or six months, right? You just went through your four-month regression and they finally go to sleep at five or six months. You think you figured it out, and then boom, eight to ten months, they're waking up again. They're not sleeping through the night. They want to wake up every hour, every two hours. I've been here. My first I was hyper focused on sleeping, and I didn't know anything about sleep regression. I was very confused as to why he kept waking up. Sir, go to sleep. Why I know you're tired. And after doing some research, all I kept thinking of was people kept telling me and my husband that we need to sleep when they should have been saying, Oh, this is how what's this is why you need to sleep, is because your baby's gonna have all these regressions. And just when you think you figured it out, they're gonna have another regression. They're constantly learning, and kids are naturally curious little creatures, and their little brains are, I just stood up today. That's crazy. You fed me my first solid. This is new. I had chicken this morning, and you want me to go to sleep. Let's eat me. So their little brains are just trying to figure it out. So again, this is another potential sleep regression. Of course, this is I don't want to say it's case by case, but this is just the baseline that we will be sharing with you all today. And I know there's different stories, different tales. Like Sil said, every no kid, no child is alike, no kiddo is alike. But maybe you can relate to some of these stats that we'll be spewing to you. All right, and the next one is the one to two year hurdles. So one to two, they're learning to walk. Well, at early one-year-old, typically, it's when they're walking or beginning to walk, maybe beginning to run. And they're just into everything. So they already have a lot going on. Like Anish said, they are just trying to explore, they're curious. Can you just imagine what they're doing in their dreams, right? I fell today and they're gonna feel like they're falling and they're sleeping, wake up, you know. It's just so many new experiences that they're having. And at the 18-month mark, which is the hardest regression yet, it combines physical milestones with an explosion of language skills and boundary testing independence. Like I said, they want to get into everything and now they're talking. Like, I want to tell you everything. So, on top of them physically being able to do things, they have their language and they're they're trying to test things, test new limits. How far can I climb? How fast can I run? How quickly can I make a mess in the house before anyone catches me? Right. You know, so many, so much that's going on that it it only makes sense that there's gonna be another sleep regression here. And it's a lot, it could be a lot because it's all the things that are going on. But honestly, even though it sounds scary, in a way, just know that you'll get past it. Okay. Yeah. Know that because your child is doing so well and they're going through all their milestones, which is what you want. You want them to go through those milestones. This is just part of it. It's just part of it, and it will pass. This shell too, this this too shall pass. Hey, this shell too passed. Yes, I remember the 18 month. There's so much going on. They're playing, they're more active during the day, and you think that you're you're tiring them out, but you're just feeding fuel to the flame because it's so exciting and brand new to them. They're exploring. Okay, the last that we'll be talking about from the zero to two is the two-year mark, driven by nap transitions. Man, we're dropping from two naps to one. Or what naps? Or resisting the afternoon nap entirely. They have vivid imaginations and fears at this mark. So they are whatever you're feeding them, they're taking it in and maybe making it into a scary monster. Us as adults wake up and may see our own jacket hanging up on something and freak ourselves out. So just imagine what they're like, it's my jacket. But just imagine their little brains waking up or still getting familiar with the world, having a better understanding of shapes and what they're seeing as they're journeying, as they're traveling through the world from their little perspectives. And we don't know what may be scary to them. If I'm thinking about what I did earlier today, I may not want to nap today because I don't want to miss out on anything. There are so many cool things happening to me right now. FOMO begins that early. Yeah. Now, luckily, I'm not in that space. Both of my kids napped. And I will say my oldest one did drop his naps. He he actually had two naps. He would do two naps and was pretty decent whenever it was time to like go to bed. Then he dropped one nap, then he dropped his second nap really early on. My youngest now is all about ready to go to nap, mommy. Nap time, mommy. Okay. And that's beautiful.

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Yeah.

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I'm so jealous. And he'll go to sleep. It's not a joke. He's not pulling my leg either. He has pulled my leg maybe a handful of times. I can probably count on one hand. But if he tells me he's ready for a nap, he's ready for a nap. So, mama bears, papa bears out there, don't get distraught. If you're at the two-year mark now and you're wondering why they are fighting this nap. Don't push back. If you're if it's taking longer than normal, maybe try to get up and play a little bit more and then try again. If that still doesn't work, they may be in that regression transition phase and they're ready to drop that nap. And it's okay. They're growing. Like so said, this is you want them to grow. You want them to progress. And these regressions, if anything, you're in a place of transition and growth. So don't look at it as you're being a failure or anything negative. These are all natural things that the kiddos are supposed to do. They are growing right before our eyes. Just be there to support them and try not to overthink and not stress about the transitions or the regressions that your children are going to be going through. Because at the end of the day, the regressions are temporary indicators of growth. The goal is not perfection. So you don't have to be perfect. It's all about consistency until the storm passes. So we're going to be jumping into our sing to me challenge. And stay tuned because the second half of the show, we're going to be talking about all of the marriage regressions. Not all of them, just a couple marriage regressions. So still go for it. All right. So we are in our sing to me segment of the episode. So for those of you following, you know how this goes. If you are new to the episode, the way it goes is I will ask Anish questions based on song lyrics. And she needs to not only answer the question correctly, but sing it back to me. We'll do that for two rounds and we'll see who gets the most answers correctly. Alright, Anish, are you ready? Sure. Alright, and Neo's do you. What is dead and gone? Do you? Uh-huh. Do I what? I got I have I don't know. Do you? I guarantee you've heard the song before. Pretty sure I have. But do I? Um I don't know. What's the song? Just wander. Okay. Oh yeah. What was the question? What is dead and gone? I don't know. No clue. No clue. Oh, I stumped you on that one. Big time. Okay, it says, I know what we have is dead and gone. Too many times I made you cry. That'll me too winter. I just wonder, do I ever cross your mind? Yeah. Yes, Sil, you stumped me again. I honestly can't remember the last time I've heard that song. I have been hearing some Neo songs, but that has not been in the rotation. There's this one, I can't even think of the song, but there is a song that I really like of his. And do I really like it? Because I can't think of it. Okay. Usher claims to not do what in his song My Way. Do what? Oh, let's see. I don't know. Okay. No. So Usher claims to not do what in his song My Way. I don't turn no tricks. They turn for me. So it's part of the rap. So forget it, Lily. My gosh. I you know what? I don't think I knew the exact words. Because in my head I was singing that part, and I didn't say that. No, yes. Usher don't turn no tricks. Like all right, yeah, I definitely wouldn't have got that. I yeah, I don't know the song all that well. Darn it. Stump for stump. Oh, okay. Alright. So this one by Mariah Carey, Touch My Body. She says, Boy, you can put me on like a what? Oh my god, I know that. I know a lot of Mariah Carey songs too, but this one, I feel like this was later in her career. I liked her new stuff. I say new, I feel like I was a child, but I liked her. Her her first stuff. I know the I know the chorus. Barely. I think that's all I know is touch my body. That's all I know. Yeah, that's all I know. I'm not even gonna waste your time or my time. That's it. I don't know. Okay, so it says, or she says, Well, you can put me on like a brand new wait, you can put me on like a brand new white tea. I'll hug your body tighter than my favorite jeans. I want you to caress me like a tropical breeze and float away with you and my curly beans. Sometimes you come. Yeah, I would not have gotten that. Okay, so for the last song of the Sing to Me Challenge, Trake had a glass of what with his lobster and shrimp. In Trey's songs, I invented sex. Wait, he had a what? He had a glass of what with his lobster and shrap. Literature songs and I and uh I embedded sex and I embedded sex. Hey girl, hey girl, hey girl, hey I'm singing the whole song. I keep just singing the same verse over and over again. So listening to Usher. I got a confession. I know we're about to sing it, but your body is a button. Okay, we take it upstairs. When do they get lobster? Alright, time is ticking. Okay, I don't know. It's I keep just repeating the same verse over and over again. Story of my life. Though I know you have some distractions in your world at the moment too. Yes. But just so many. So the lyrics that Drake sing rap. What does he do? Is he a sing rapper? Wait, wait, Drake. That's the part I didn't hear. Drake. Mescado. Yes. Yes. Okay, let me sing it back to my way. Okay, wait. Yeah, hold on. It's a celebration. No. Bravo. Glass of Moscato. No, I think I'm thinking of a different song now. Lobster and shrimp and a glass of moscato. And so things are being a friend and a girl who's a model. There it is. Oh, ladies and gentlemen. That doesn't count. It took you forever. You know what? Because I didn't hear you say Drake. Okay, ladies and gentlemen, that was our sing to me challenge. Let us move on with the second half of our episode. We're gonna be jumping into the marriage regression part of this. We're trying to keep it alive. Let there be no regression. Keep the marriage alive. There is an old myth that we all know, I'm sure, at this point in our lives, 50% of marriages end in divorce. The current data, if you don't know, from 2025 and 2026 shows that the actual projection for first marriages ending in divorce is closer to actually 40%, which means marriages are actually it's a lot, but we're we're getting better, we're evolving. So the marriages are they're getting better, right? They're getting more stable over time, or people just aren't filing for divorce. But let's pretend that people are just getting married or or getting married too. I mean, that's a topic right there, too. Are people even getting married? And is the the stats are getting all shambled in that because there's less people to calculate, right? But yeah, so couples are hopefully we're gonna look at the brighter side of things and say that the couples are fighting harder to stay together. Or again, they might not they maybe they ain't filing for divorce. But it's expensive from what I hear. It's it's expensive and it's it's a lot. It's uh it's more difficult to get divorced than it is to get married. It's easy to get married. You go to the court, you get your paperwork. And a lot of people, oh, if it's just a piece of paper, it's a piece of paper. It's there's so much more to that that I wish people would really hone in on the bigger, the bigger spectrum of that, especially in the States. Having a spouse and a boyfriend are two completely different entities when it comes to specifically living here. There, there's there's so many more privileges that you can do as a spouse. And hoping that these stats, people are really trying harder to stay together and and make it work. Obviously, if if you find yourself in a mine and you need to get out, get out. But what we're gonna be talking about today are the regressions and little spats that may come about and you're ready to just throw in the towel. We're here to talk about just not hyper-focusing on a bunch of little minor fights that may be happening because you may be going through a regression. There may be some things that need to change and some fine-tuning, if you will. So, Sil, do you mind jumping into the the next little convo, if you will? All right, let's see. Go up. So the peak instability window. So data reveals that for 21st century marriages, peak marital instability and the highest risk of divorce happens early on, specifically hitting a peak right around year five. So I know that when I first was getting married, I kept hearing a lot of the first five years are the hardest. And for the most part, it's true. You are navigating, you know, possibly living with someone for the first time, not having your parents to necessarily lean on like you used to, because now you have your husband or your wife. Uh, you're trying to maybe buy a new house or buy these big things together. You know, this all the milestones that happen within those five years, there's just so much going on. So I see that. That five years, that that peak like sting. Are we gonna make it? Because we've been through a lot. The average length of a first marriage that ends in divorce is 8.2 years. The data behind the famous seven-year itch. The seven-year itch. So many people. So you said five years, and I'm in the space where a lot of people were telling me about the seven-year itch. My hubby and I dated for years, and your story, Sil, and my story, our dating and our love story are completely different. And we lived together before we got married for a couple of years, and then we separated and all this other stuff. And so we had experience with each other. It's crazy because it's it seems like something switches in people. How many stories have you heard about people dated for 10 years, five years, seven years, then they get married and they got divorced three years later, two years later? Yeah, that's crazy. I don't get how that happens. Like if you dated so long, like what happened between like dating and marriage that just got so ugly. Yes, it makes you wonder the regression of it all. You have your honeymoon phase, you get married, you have your literal honeymoon, hopefully, if you're able to. And then at some point, something switches. The average marriage ends in eight and a half years. Things are shifting, things are changing, you're past that honeymoon phase, people are evolving, and you don't want that. Why are you changing? Why do you want to wash the whites separately now? Why do you want to become a vegetarian? We like to eat meat. Things change and people progress, and it's difficult. It's a difficult space to be in. Congratulations if you made it to the five-year mark, to the eight-year mark, because that's when, according to the data, the highest risk of divorce happens. So kudos to you all if you all are still in that in that space of of loving on one another. Well, ladies and gentlemen, let's let's talk about normalizing the bad season without throwing out the D word divorce. There is a psychological reality that adult development moves in roughly seven-year blocks, hence the seven-year itch. A period of restlessness or a dry, hard season usually means that the old dynamic of the marriage no longer fits the current version of the partners. People are feeling the need to progress every five to seven years. You may be in a space to where you want to evolve. You may feel like you've been stagnant for too long and you want to change. I want to become a vegetarian, I want to do whatever the thing is. So the restlessness means that whatever you were doing before, you're changing it. And maybe one person isn't in that space of change. And so now one person's like, wait, you're not the same person I was looking at five, seven years ago. And now you want to change. So that dynamic becomes probably overwhelming for one person or both people. And people want to start throwing out the D word. Oh, I want a divorce. You don't want to work out, or now you want to become a workout. Getting into separate therapy and adding the couples therapy, I feel can definitely help, especially if you're in a season of change and your partner is in a stagnant season and they're comfortable with where they're at, and you're looking at them like, that was good in our 20s, but we're pushing 40 and we need to progress. Communicate, communicate, communicate. Get some insight on how to evolve with your partner, grow with your partner, and don't look at it as you're leaving them behind or they're leaving you behind, but trying to have a steady flow and experience with each other. You're moving through life with this person. That's your person that you chose to live and experience life with. Right out the wave, right out that bad season, and hope for the rainbow at the end. So instead of throwing out the word divorce, just try to treat it as a rough patch. Exactly like a baby's sleep regression. It's a sign that the relationship just needs a reboot or a new routine, not a permanent exit. We're not saying to stay in a bad relationship. This conversation is to people that are just going through something rough, nothing dark or domestic or anything like that. We are talking to the couples that maybe just argue too much. Yeah, I hate that he wears tank tops. Why does he breathe on every breath? If you are getting to the point in that space with your relationship, it could just be a little rough patch or a regression. And you just need to reevaluate and move forward. Don't immediately think that you need to permanently exit stage left because he takes every single breath whenever he needs to breathe. So look into therapy, look into more date nights, re-evaluate why you two fell in love in the first place. Cheaper to keep her, right? Is that what they say? It is. And you know, maybe if you focus on the other D-word, maybe you won't be needing to go through the other D-word. Hey, you heard that. And on that note, ladies and gentlemen, let those little toddlers regress and grow. Do not blame yourself. Know that they're thriving and they're doing exactly what they are biologically meant to do. That's grow. And hold on to your marriage if you can. Try not to throw out the divorce word so loosely. If you can, if no one's told you today, you are doing a great job. Don't forget to pour into yourself. Thank you for tuning in to another episode of Pouring and Parenting, where sip happens and we pour about it.