SPEAKER_00 0:03

Grab your glass and pull up a chair. It's time for your favorite girl's night in. Welcome to Pouring and Parenting, where your besties, Cell and Ainish. We're here to laugh through the chaos. Hello, Pourers. Let's start the show. Hey, hey, hey. Welcome back to another episode of Pouring and Parenting. It's your girl Einish. And I'm Cell. Thank you so much for tuning in. The episode is titled Elastic Heart. So before we get into the episode, Sill, how are you doing today? I'm doing well. Hanging in there. It's still like really like a such a busy season. I didn't see it coming like the way like as busy as it is. Taking by surprise, taking me some adjusting for sure. Just hanging in there day by day. What about you? Today was busy, honey. I was I was so busy. Here in Iowa, school starts a little later than the surrounding states. Every every state and school has been very different. And by the time our listeners listen to this, my son will be well off in school. But today was busy. And we just getting school supplies, we met the teacher, and the teacher was like, does he have his school supplies? And my husband and I both looked at each other like I don't know. Then we're looking at my son, like, do you have your school supplies? So we had to make an emergency trip to the store just to get new stuff. He had essentially everything, but you don't want to be the kid with the broken crayons. So I had to do an emergency Walmart pickup order and all this other stuff. So today was just, it was long. But we made it. We're here. We're here. Right? Here we are. We're doing it. Super mom's unite. Okay, so what did you pour into your your glass? I was about to say, what did you pour into your drink today? What did you pour into your glass today? That's funny that you say that because I would have accepted it.

unknown 1:59

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 2:00

My brain is so just crazy right now that it okay. Sure. This is what I poured into my drink. I sound why does that sound right? It sounded it man. I should have just kept going. Right. Um, but I didn't pour. I am cracking open a can of white claw cranberry. Do you like the cranberry one? I do, actually. I really do. So I actually cracked that open. Ooh, nice and crisp. Nice and crisp. Yeah, you know, it had been a while since I had a claw and finally made it to the store and got a case. I was hoping the grape one would also be in this one. It's a different variety pack. But still, nonetheless, nonetheless, there was no mango, so I'm good. Right? Right? Yeah, but did you pour anything? I did. I poured not what I originally wanted to pour, believe it or not, ladies and gentlemen. You can believe me when you don't have to. But I did not plan on pouring my Pinot Brigio, but I poured Pinot Brigio. I was actually gonna record our midweek pour today, but time got the best of me. And okay. Alrighty. Well, it's been a while since you've poured some Pinot. Yeah, I think so. Cheers to that. Cheers, Tink. It's good. It's a different brand, too. I haven't had this brand in a while. So it's it's refreshing. It's good. Okay, so let's get into today's episode. We're gonna talk about stepping back from being the default go-to friend and logging off of the social media noise to reclaim your energy. We're also gonna discuss discovering creative passions and how to model your real self-worth for your kiddos. Before we do that, we do have a couple of hot topics that we're gonna discuss. And let's get into the first hot topic: the free event planner trap. A study from plus one shows that 50% of friendships are one-sided. That's half of friendships floating around the states. That makes sense. Honestly, I know I'm surprised it's not hired, but but yeah, that is that is very, very sad. And I honestly feel a lot of friends don't even realize that they're potentially in a one-sided friendship, and vice versa. Maybe the other person doesn't realize that they're not giving what the other person is receiving or giving, right? So one person is not giving and the others, yeah. So, so you said that's sad. Like yeah, that's one in every two friendships is one-sided, is basically what you're saying. Yeah, pretty much. That's so many. That's yeah, that's that number is very high. I thought it would be a little higher, quite frankly. And uh so we're essentially we're talking about like the go-to friend who likes to host, who likes to plan, but then ultimately realizes that the connections were literally built on that person's availability and not truly reciprocated. And I I don't want to say I relate to this. I don't I may stumble like do I relate to it? That means stuttering. Oh it? No, I I do feel that I don't think I'm a go-to friend to a certain extent. Like, I'm the go-to friend for partying and hanging out and things of that nature, which I'll talk about a little later on in the episode. But as far as like the availability thing, I can see in the past, I don't want to say that I was just available. I was the I was just willing to go. And so people would reach out to me because I know Anisha's gonna say yes. So I'm gonna reach out to her to go out. And I I didn't mind that. I don't mind that at all. Rarely, I would say that I would come up with an idea and people would say no. And if they said no, I feel like I would kind of understand whatever their their situation was. But I there have been times where I do feel that situations weren't equal. And not that I keep tabs or anything, but it it does come to a point that if something's happening over and over again and you're constantly saying, Oh no, I can't make it, oh yikes. What about next week? Or next time I got you next time, and then next time just never happens. But then I'm always available when you call me, eventually I'm gonna notice. And it's not because I have, oh, let me get my little my little black book out and put a little check mark. Oh, she said no to this, she said no to that. So, but again, if it's over and over and over again, it's I was like, okay, all right, wait a minute. When's the last time? What about you? Yeah. Um, I feel like I'm that friend that you would have put to have sex to or checkpoints. I mean, apparently to certain extent. I mean, we've we've been friends for so long that we've had our moment. So I I guess I feel the guilt. But I mean, luckily we're able to move past it. But yeah, you you have those friends who are, they're like your party friends, your your friends who you know, yeah, they're down for anything. But I I want to say it's as you grow older and as your lifestyle changes, as you know, you get married, you have kids, and maybe you have friends who are not on the same path and you're not available anymore, they just kind of fall off, right? We, I mean, Anisha and I shared a mutual friend who it just out of the blue kind of just fell off. And it's like, what? Like, and the only thing we could really think of is like, okay, well, Anisha and I are both married, like we we have our our homes, like we have like our our courses are now going down different paths. And this particular friend, I guess kind of lost in a way, just was still trying to figure stuff out. I mean, I mean then that away she was like lost, but she was still trying to figure it out. And it just kind of seemed that she was totally okay with being like, all right, like you guys don't have that kind of time for me anymore. Like, we're not gonna just be girls and hang out and go to clubs and you know, whatever the case was. Like, yeah, eventually you kind of just do something different and you're not as available. And it just fun. Just move on. Okay, let's move on to the second hot topic. The age 25 friendship cliff. So, Oxford research proves social circles peak at age 25 and drop rapidly after. I feel a lot of us, we know the same. The older you get, the less friends you have. I'm sure there's an elderly person in your circle or just within your your family or your village that might have said, you know, wait till you get older, you're not gonna know anymore, or friends are gonna start dropping like flies, you're not gonna know her later, you're not gonna know him in 10 years. Good luck to that. And it's like, why? Why, why that at that peak age at 25 are our friends dropping like flies? Is your your circles getting smaller? The connections are fizzling out. Um, like what is that? What what's happening? Why is that circle so small as you get older? You have middle school, high school, your college years, you have all these friends, and then boom, you're down to like four. I think because at 25 is when maybe people, I mean, and I think it could be changing now, you know, just like stats chill, like people are waiting longer to get married and all that. But around 25 is when you're probably, if you've been to college, university, all that, you're probably starting your career, you're probably getting married, you're moving, you're just doing grown-up things. And maybe not everyone in your circle is up to par. And you just kind of just start to drift away. I think it's a net like naturally, not in a bad way, like F you, you're a loser now. I think it's more like this is just like a different path. I'm a new chapter in my life. And the 25 is that that number, that age, I should say. It's that age where things really start to change. It's a new chapter. Yeah, it's a new chapter. There's so many different paths that you can take. And the likelihood of all your friends taking the exact same path. Let's all get married right now, let's all start having kids right now is what happened. Oh yeah. That's yeah, like you know, we left out and that's part. There was literally a whole wedding season in our circle. Yeah. Where it's like, how did this happen? But I mean, I was 25 when I got married. Mm-hmm. So, you know, I mean, there you go. Yeah. Nobody needs to know how old I was when I got married. Just know I got married when I'm dead. But yes, what are the odds, right? I have seen videos of like the girlies are all pregnant together. And then it makes you wonder, is that a a new friendship circle? Is that someone that you went to high school with? Is that your best friend? And you have your friends that want to get married. They have a plan and they're sticking to it. You have the the friend that might have got pregnant at 18 and now they want to be free, and they're like, hey, my kid's already seven and you have a new baby. I'm going out at 25, right? And then you have the friends that maybe want to continue going to school. I'm want to be a doctor. I need six more years of school. So get out of here. Yeah, and you know, the list goes on. There's so many, like you said, there's so many different routes that you can take, so many different journeys, so many different roads you could take. And so I could yeah, so it makes sense that the that having less and less friends as you get older, because then the topic of discussion becomes it's difficult to make friends when you're older. You gotta make friends with your work friends. But now you have you're in your 20s and your best your work besties in their 60s or something. And so now you're vibing with Debbie, and it's like, oh, okay. And so the the dynamics definitely shift, especially when you get in a work build and you start meeting and dating seriously, and so on. So I mean, for me, I since I move so much, I fear my my friendship group circle is getting larger by every state. Um so and that's a a different beast that I'm living in, but definitely, definitely, definitely like my my mom, her friend circle is pretty small, and then she has her church friends, but she has her best girlfriend that she talks to every day, and they've known each other for years. Just something to keep in mind, ladies and gentlemen. Keep your friends close to you, hold on tight to them for as long as you can. Try to keep that bond and that connection strong with your friends, even if it's just a phone call. If you live out of in different states, shoot them a text right now if you haven't talked to them in a while or do them a call. So that's that's it for the hot topics. We're gonna jump into today's episode, An Elastic Heart. Life stretches you, it pulls, it's pulling me across state lines and it's testing relationships. But ultimately, you're not gonna break. You have to adapt, being able to adapt into your new environment, whatever that may be. Okay, so don't break, hang to. And also, I want to say if you listen to our episode about three or four episodes back, titled No, no, no, no, no. How many no's was there? It was like, No, no, no, no. But not sure how many no's were there. We're gonna move into the emotional shift of what happens when you stop being the always yes person. So that episode was about saying no and and finding your voice to say no. But what if you're a yes person and you're okay with saying yes, but you're realizing that your yeses are not being reciprocated? How do you move from that space? We're gonna talk about that today. So hang tight. The second half of the show, we're gonna touch base on just making sure our kids are receiving and being nurtured to learn how to just not be that person as well. You don't want to have a repeated pattern. Let's get into it. The digital detox and stopping the busy truck. While APA polls show 50% of adults regularly take social media breaks for mental fatigue. Okay, dang. 16%, that's a lot. That's a lot of anxiety being reduced. Um, you know, from one, but it's like, wow, I I just wish social media didn't cause that anxiety. Like I know it wasn't intended to do that, but with so much maybe bad news or just all all the awful stuff that you see on there, and then the trends and people feeling like they're not there and when you know, when am I gonna get there in my life and just causing all this anxiety, unnecessary anxiety? Like that just makes me sad because I don't think, well, I know that's not what the purpose of social media was, but that that's a lot of I mean, from someone who suffers from anxiety, like if I could have 16% less anxiety, that would be amazing. I agree, that's a lot, and I know a lot of people that step away from social media. I'm taking a break, they disappear, we lose a follower, and I'm like, I'm freaking out, might we lose a follower? And you're like, oh, they probably someone's taking a break. And that's exactly what's happening. One of my sister-in-laws is stepping away. Her and I spoke not that long ago, and she mentioned that she's taking a break from social media one by one. She's deleting a platform, and then immediately I was like, that's exactly what that's exactly why we lost the follower girl. And she was like, Oh, yeah, probably. But she's I I need a mental break. She's like, I I just I have to stick away from it. It's it's it's consuming, and that's what they want. They want consumers to consume in what they're putting out there, and like you said, there's just there's so much negativity that can be on there, or even good things, but you can start doom scrolling and it's three hours later, and there's so many different platforms to engage with that I can see why it's taking a toll. I can see why it's bringing anxiety. I want to keep up with the junk as we've talked about this before, keeping up with whoever you follow, and that anxiety is gonna get up 50% of hey, I need a break. Get out of here, social media. I don't want any of that. So, have you taken a social media break before? I don't, I don't think I have actually. But if I'm busy, like for example, these last few weeks, I've been so busy that I rarely have time for social media. I just haven't posted and my page has still been active. Just I don't actively, I'm not on there. I won't go on there. So I've never like deleted it. Like the people that I've know that take in their social media break, they have they delete the app completely. I've never done that before, but I I have just not even logged on. And I think a lot of all of that, too, with the anxiety is what we talked about on that no no no episode, and I'm pretty sure other episodes before. Watching people post their stories or post just their lives, wondering, was that fun? What did I miss out on? Why I should have gone. And just wanting to be involved, that constant desire to want to be involved, which could be another reason too why people are jumping off social media. And I don't want to see it. So you don't feel the pressure. Do what you have to do to protect your mental health. I was gonna say that. I think a lot of people, there's so much more mental health awareness than there was before. And people are really like taking it seriously, which they should. You should take mental health seriously. And being that social media is one of the biggest things right now that millions and millions of people have access to and the damage that it could do, like you you have to, like it, you have to prioritize yourself. You have to prioritize your mental health. Like, if this is what's causing you anxiety, get rid of it. It's not worth it. So the fact that people are becoming more serious about it, that's where you see the numbers start to fall off. You see people taking their mental breaks and good, good for them. Like, that's awesome that they could do that. Yeah, definitely good for them. Um and good that they, like you said, they're it they're recognizing it, they're self-aware, they're recognizing that they're doom scrolling too often, they're losing sleep, they're sending too many, too many videos to their friends or something. Enough is enough. And so taking the break that you need a week, maybe like one week every month, every two months. Yeah, so it's like it's something that they regularly do, which is that it's like a cleanse. Take that break if you need to do it. Take social media break and then come back because we need our follows, which reminds me if you're not following us already, follow us, hit the follow button, hit the follow button, Instagram, TikTok, all of it. Find us. Okay, we're gonna jump into this next segment. I mentioned at the top of this episode that if you've been a yes person and you're okay with that, I I'm okay with being a yes person. I'm okay, I'm gonna go out, I'm gonna do things, but then you're realizing it's not being reciprocated. This part's for you. How do you navigate if you have friends that aren't reciprocating? If your cup is empty and you're always refilling, refilling, refilling. Take some time for yourself. This this moment that we're gonna have right now, this little chat is just gonna be just making some transitions in your life. So I've am that friend. I've been that friend. Honestly, I'm not gonna say I am that friend. I'm gonna say I've been that friend. I have grown. The growth is is happening. I'm in real time. It's real. It's yeah, it's real time, and I'm growing. I was the friend that, like, so if if you have a list of or you have a group of, I have my party friend, I have my friend that likes to drink coffee in the morning, I have my friend that loves movies, so we go to the movies. My friend likes to get the nails done. So you have your list of people that you you know you can call. I have this friend that I call because I know that she's not gonna bitch me out if I told her that I went back to him again, versus my other friend who's gonna get at me crazy. And so I was the go-to party friend. And like I mentioned earlier, I don't mind saying yes. It's uh I know how to say no 110%. That's never been an issue for me. So, how do you shift? How do you shift from being that person? How do you shift from being the default go-to friend? And for me, I've been moving, as you all know, since we started this podcast now. Sweet Jesus, it's been a a good amount of times, but I will say that all the cities that I've moved to now at this point, and I've lived in New Mexico more than this, but just recently, I'll say, as a married woman, uh, New Mexico, Texas, and now we're in Iowa. I have I've learned something from each state and city that we've moved to. A friend of mine, and still probably knows exactly who I'll be referring to. Every time that we've moved, her husband has told her Anisha's not gonna make it. Uh-uh. She's gonna hate it there. And she always tells me that, and I've always rise above his words. I've survived and I've made it. And a lot of that I feel coming from him was because he knows that I like to be outside. Anish wants to party, and she's not gonna be able to do that in these little bitty small towns. And what I'm realizing is that the silence that I've been embraced and kind of forced upon is that just that this the silence, it's allowing me to silence the noise. And I'm realizing that, yeah, I like to be outside. I was a city girl and looking for a brunch every, you know, how many brunches did I ask you to go to so last year in the summer? But you know, just to so many. So it was a constant need, I felt to stay busy. That's the only way that I knew how to stay busy. I had to be outside, I gotta do something. I need to be around my friends, I have to do this. But now being forced into this small town life, I've been able to embrace and tap into other spaces in my life. So, ladies, gentlemen, too, if you're out there, understand that yeah, if you want to be outside, that's completely fine. But don't be afraid to listen to the silence. Don't be afraid to sit with yourself. Don't be afraid to because I don't recommend moving every other year at all. But but if you can just sit in silence. Turn the TV off, turn some music on, and just be with your own thoughts. Who knows the creative side that may come out of that? I went back to school. I took a couple horses in New Mexico. I embraced sewing in Texas. And I'm tapping into another creative energy out here in Iowa already. And we haven't been here that long. And I'm realizing, like, man, I don't think I would have touched base on any of that had I stayed where we were and was that default friend and always trying to go out and trying to get that energy from people. So I I appreciate all the moves that I've done. And again, obviously I don't recommend moving. I'm not telling you to move to get creative, but just but find a quiet space. You don't have to be the default friend forever. And though I have been the default friend and it has not been reciprocated, I don't resent any of that. I I made my choice. I'm still friends with all my friends. I've had I'm very open and honest. I'll have conversations. And that that could be something too you may want to do. You may want to have a conversation with your friend and just discuss the vibes. So you and I had a conversation, and and I just I feel we talk about communicating. Communicate not only with your partner, but communicate with your friends. Don't ghost them. Don't, gosh, would you say so? Don't cancel them. He said that I can't cancel your friends. If they're worth it, just just communicate with them. But I will say, as crazy as it is, I'm I'm I'm glad that I've been moving because it's allowed me to really tap into a side of my myself that I haven't tapped into in years. Basically, don't take it personal, like whatever, like if you your friends are not reciprocating what you're putting out there and just kind of try to find your own space is that yeah, find your own space. Find, don't feel the need to always have to be available for your friends. And and again, if you want to go out, then go out. But don't feel like you have to. It's not that I'm expecting you to do the same thing for me, but also I do recognize when it's not reciprocated, right? And so I think removing myself from the space back in California, removing myself from California and being available as available as I was and not having that reciprocation. And honestly, maybe I was kind of holding resentment now that I'm thinking about it. There was probably some resentment that was lying in me, but I am free of all that. And again, I'm allowing the silence to be clear. I'm allowing the new space that I'm in. None of my friends are out here with me, like my my day ones. I am making new friends and all of that jazz. But I'm still busy, I'm still actively doing things, and it just looks different. And that's okay. Just being okay with not saying yes to everyone else when it's not being reciprocated and finding a new thing for yourself and and finding something that maybe wouldn't have been open if you were always saying yes. All right, I'll do this, I'll do this for you, what you know, whatever the case is. Or I'll we'll we'll go out here, yeah, I'll do that, like whatever the case. And just really being able to tap into this version of yourself that you didn't even know was out there because you're you just kind of get stuck. I don't want to say stuck, but you just get put in this space and you're comfortable. Yeah. And you stay there for a while because you know, yeah, my you know, my friends need me, they want me, and all this, but eventu eventually it ends. And we've we talked about that, eventually the circles get smaller. Don't get left behind because you were constantly saying yes to everyone else. Yeah. So I hope that moment, you know, quiet time with Aniche, the little corner with Aniche, was reciprocated and and understood. I feel that there are people out there that are like me that want to say yes. And and maybe they're putting things that they want to do on the back burner because they want to be there for their friends. And you mentioned that too in your marriage. Why do we let you know our husbands are going to school and we're at home with the kids? You said that on the episode. Right. And that can happen in friendships too. So allowing myself just to be in the space that I'm in now and embracing this new chapter that I'm in that's been ongoing. But I I had the realization when we had the no, no, no episode that I was like, man, like I've really grown. I'm I I feel a lot more mature and I'm just embracing, you know, my friendships from a distance, my day ones from a distance, and tapping into this new space. And I'm liking it. I I'm taking things from every state. So if you need me to sew you a skirt, I can not just no, I can sew a skirt. Bro, I can. I made my mama a skirt, I made me a skirt. Okay. All right, skirt for Anish. Let's go ahead and move on to our sing to me challenge. If you are new to the show, the way this goes is I will ask Anish a question based on song lyrics, and she not only needs to answer the question correctly, but she needs to sing it back to me. And then she'll ask me a question. We'll do that for about two rounds and we'll see who gets the most answers correct. Now, last episode, holy guacamole, what's not good for me. So I'm hoping. Oh, but it was good. Anish, did you get both you got both of them last time? I think so. Yeah, I think you did. And I got none, I think, uh, for the first time. Maybe not the first time, but still it had been a while. Yes. So hopefully, hopefully we could change that today. Hopefully we can change. All right, so let's see. I have here okay, and baby I'm for real by the originals. Why is he confessing his love to you? Baby, I'm for real by the originals. You're always talking about Motown. I know. Well, you may give me a little beat. Baby, I'm for real. I don't want to give it away. No, that's it. I have nothing. I know the originals too. No, no, I'm for real. That's it. So it goes, um truth about it. Girl, I just can't live without you. No, that's what the beat. And that's why I'm confessing my love to you. So that I can so wait, so that I can live my whole life with you. Oh, that was awful. I'm hearing myself, and it's not. Okay. Pepper says she's not what in salt and pepper's shoop. She's not what? Oh, that's that's a big song for and such a little question. Come on. I'm not. Like I'm sure I know, but I don't know. Yeah. I don't know. I got like one verse stuck in my head, and I know that's not it. So okay. Dang it. So close. Okay. The answer is I'm not shy, so I asked by the digits. I hope no. That don't make me see what I want. She's not shy. Okay. Yeah. You were right there. I thought you were going to say it. Dang it. No, that part did not even cross my mind. Oh. Okay. That beginning part. Alright, so in the four tops, it's the same old song. He says, Oh, wait, hold on. How am I gonna word this? What has a different meaning since you've been gone? Love. With a different meaning since you've been gone. The song has a different meaning? Okay, what is that trick question? You say so it's love? Is it love? You're s you're literally singing it. Old song. This old song with the different the same old song. Okay. You uh got it. Yes. The same old song. That's funny because you said love and then you started singing, it's the same. And I was like, what? And then you were so confused. Yeah, it's confused by the that would have been embarrassing to get both of my Motown Mondays. Right. Do you even listen to Motown? Do I even listen to Motown like fraud, fraud, shame? Instrumentals? Shame. Okay, we went two different directions here. So here the instrumentals. That's funny. This next question. In Soul for Reals, Candy Rain. They said tell them what you want, and they will what? Oh name. Dang it. And I will give it to you. I'll give it to you because you. Oh right. Oh my gosh. I knew so much of that song. And you did. More than I probably realized. I couldn't even think of the song at first. I was like, oh my gosh, I'm hearing all these other songs in my head. Okay, I'm onto something, I'm onto something. And then I kept getting the freaking question. Get it done. And done. It's not a complete loser this time. So one in one, not too shabby. Again, hey, y'all are quiet out there. Let us know how you do. Are you playing along? We post on Instagram. We try to get one out of the four questions on our page and sometimes in our stories. We'll even throw some clues out there in the stories so you can pick. So if you're not taking a social media break, please go find us on social media and follow us and participate. Don't be scared. Do it. Okay, let's move into the second half of the show and talking about generational freedom. We're gonna discuss raising grounded, self-assured kids. We're gonna talk about just realizing that when we stop chasing constant social busyness or online validation, we want to make sure that us as parents are modeling true self-reliance for our children. So what do what does that mean to you? I mean, honestly, I just think that it's not everything should come from social media. Your validation, your the way you feel about yourself, it needs to come from within and like from the experiences that you actually have, not by what you see, what you hear, what you're told online. Yeah. And making sure that you model that as the parent. If your child is always watching you on your phone and maybe you're showing your child the phone, or they're looking over your shoulder and they're watching what you're watching, they are going to mirror that. They're going to think like, okay, like that's normal. I need to be on my tablet, or when I get older, I'm gonna always be on my phone. And just don't do that. You don't want to be don't you don't want to do that. You don't want that to be the the visual that your child sees on a day-to-day basis. And you don't want to be the parent that feels that they need the validation from online, model it in real time, be a real life, active, and involved parent. You are who they look up to. They idolize you. They want to grow up and be like mom and dad until they're teenagers. But try to mold their little brains before they before they hit those dreaded teen years and show the resilience. Show that you want to break the cycle of whatever trauma or whatever issues or stress that you may be carrying. You want to break the cycle. You don't want to pass that down to your children. They're already taking up enough of our genes and everything else. So you know, you could control a couple things, control those little tidbit things. A few days ago, I was outside with the boys, and my son was calling out to one of our neighbors' kids. They're the same age, they'll be going to the same school. And the he wasn't responding to him. And he called him like three or four times. And I finally stepped in. I was like, hey, look, you call him twice. If he doesn't respond, that's it. You don't have to keep keep going. It's okay. Go do something else. You, your brother is here, you have someone that you can play with. I'll play with you. You don't have to go chasing the attention from your friend. You don't need the validation from your friend because hey, I'm outside, you're outside. Like, hey, see me. I want you to see me so maybe we can play. Two times. Call him once, call him twice. If he doesn't respond, go on and do something else. Maybe he didn't hear you, maybe he heard you and just didn't want to hang out with you because he has siblings as well. And that's okay. Maybe next time he'll reach out and call for you. Here, he'll call your name. So, my need or my my old the old me that wanted to be outside and constantly doing stuff and just a busy body, I don't want that to fall upon my kids. I don't want them to feel that need to just always want to be around people. It's okay to be by yourself. It's okay if someone's not reciprocating that energy back towards you, but recognize that and figure out a way to move forward in a healthy manner. And so I had that moment with my son and he just looked at me and he was like, okay, and went on about playing. The kid, yeah, he he never saw the kid, he never came over, but it was fine. My son didn't, he wasn't upset about it. He moved on. So I'm hoping from here on out he'll give a couple of hollers. And if the kid doesn't respond, okay, cool. Let me move on about my life. You maybe don't want to talk to me today. That's okay. Yeah, I don't want him to run up to him, tap him on the shoulder, like, hey, I just called you 13 times. Wait, you don't respond to me? It's like, yeah, I've heard you, but I don't want to talk to you right now. And kids can be so cool. So just making sure that you you just instill whatever you need to instill in your kids in the in the best way can, teaching them in the moment. And as soon as something happens, I'm really big on that. If something's happening in real time, I'm teaching you in real time. That was a teaching moment that I felt my son needed. Yeah, I mean, and it's good that you did that because you know, he's still really young and they they don't have that self-awareness where it's like, I'm doing too much right now. And so yeah, as a parent, you have to kind of like, hey, don't don't look so desperate and available. Like if he doesn't want to play with you, like take, you know, take that hint. And but because they're still little, they they don't understand and they're just like, hey, like I'm calling you, like, let's play, you know, and and they don't notice that the kid's just like, I I don't want to play right now, you know, whatever whatever the case is. So so good that that you did take that teaching moment because like you said, kids can be cruel. And unfortunately, you know, on the reverse side of it, if that kid didn't want to play, it would it's also okay to hey, I don't want to play right now, or hey, I'm actually playing with my siblings right now. Like things for asking, but I don't want to play right now. Right. They they don't have that either. So, but they're just too little to understand that and that they're still not wise enough to be like, well, let me just tell this because I don't want to play with him in a nice way. They think they think it's less cruel to ignore than to say, I don't want to play. And I think personally it's the other way around. Yeah. And like you said, the these kids, they're kids, they're young, but I was present, so I took that as a teaching moment. If he's on if he's at school tomorrow yelling at the same kid, I'm not gonna be there. Yeah. My son does pick up on things pretty quickly, so I'm pretty sure he put that in his little note brain and will remember, okay, mom said two times. If he doesn't answer two times, I'm not, I'm gonna keep doing what I'm doing. I'm gonna move on to the next. So just teaching our kids their self-worth because you don't want your kids to carry if it's a burden, just carrying the weight of being a chronic yes person. My son got invited to 30,000 birthday parties within you know, his whole school year. He got invited to so many parties. Like, still, how many times? Oh, we're going, we're gonna start buying a gift, buying another gift, going to another birthday party. And yes, I'm a yes mom. And a lot of it just had to do with him being actively engaged. We moved to another state. So, hey, you you actually have friends. Let's go and support your friends for their birthday. But also, it's okay to say no, it's okay to not be the yes person if you don't feel like going to a party. There was a party that he actually wasn't too keen to go to. And I you know, are you sure we're gonna we're going to the big cheese meister's house? And he was like, okay, well, let's, you know, you should have led with that. And the reason why he didn't initially want to go was because him and the young boy weren't really friends. And but the mother approached me for the first that was the first time I met her. Her and I actually became really great, great friends, but our sons just they just really weren't friends, I guess. But my son was always saying hi to him, and he would never reciprocate. It wasn't giving back to them, he wasn't getting that. And and so my son is was clearly actually knowledgeable of that and was like, yeah, actually, you know, I'm okay with skipping the party. We ultimately did go because we went to the the cheese master's house, and the young boy was so appreciative, he was so happy, and he was just so grateful. And the mom obviously told me what he liked. We got him uh some cars and stuff, and he opened it and he was like, How did you know that I like these? And he was just so he was ecstatic, and they were they were close friends up until we moved, and so I'm really glad in that moment that I took that initiative to be like, okay, I know you said no, but I think maybe he he needs a friend, is how I looked at that. And and my son was okay with that, and they they imbibed and they vomited the whole time. So just just remember as a parent that if you're in the space and there's learning moments that can be taught. And if you are dealing with being the yes person, just make sure that you educate your kids and letting them know that yes, it's okay to be that friend. It's okay to know that you're the person that everyone relies on. But also make sure that you take time for yourself, don't overindulge yourself in everyone else's life because then you get the short end of the stick at times. Because those people are like, oh, you filled my cup up. I'm good to go. I ain't got time to fill your cup up. Do you? Right. Taking that moment to step back and find your center, regroup it, teach your kids. Don't forget about yourself. Don't forget about your cup. Oh, sad. I like it. Don't forget about your cup. So, ladies and gentlemen, that's today's episode. At the end of the day, don't forget to step back from being the default option. Don't do it. Put the phone down tonight after you're done listening to our podcast and give yourself permission to enjoy your own peace. You'll finally like it probably a lot more than you thought you did. Okay. So thank you so much for tuning in to pouring and parenting. Where sip happens and we pour about it.