Pouring and Parenting
Two best friends, now wives and moms, grab a drink and keep it real about juggling family, careers, trends, and all the mess in between. It’s funny, honest, and full of heart — a weekly reminder that no woman is doing this alone.
Pouring and Parenting
43: Don't Judge Me: Why Your First Judgment Is Probably Missing the Whole Story
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The advice to “stop judging” is useless if you don’t understand why we do it. This conversation gets uncomfortably real about the split-second assumptions we make about parents, spouses, strangers, and even the people sitting in church beside us—and why those judgments usually say more about our own stress than the other person’s character.
Sil and Inish kick things off with a confession that turns into a full-on exploration of evidence-based judgment, missing context, and the mental shortcuts that make us assume the worst. From a Broadway phone glare to a mom at church, a chaotic PTA “missing play date mom” scenario, and a restaurant screen-time meltdown, they break down how quickly we leap from observation to verdict. You’ll hear why one bad day gets mistaken for a bad personality, how social media rewards the habit of becoming internet detectives, and why insecurity makes it feel safer to tear someone else down than sit with our own imperfections. You’ll discover:
- Why “receipts” and single data points are rarely the full story
- How to shift from judging behavior to asking better questions
- The psychological trap of comparing your struggle to someone else’s
- Why moms, couples, and anyone carrying a hidden load are easy targets for snap judgments
- How self-awareness and empathy can interrupt the urge to label someone as lazy, rude, or irresponsible
Sil brings the blunt honesty and self-reflection, admitting just how often she judges and how hard it is to catch herself in the act. Inish brings the counterbalance, pushing for context, grace, and the reminder that people are usually overwhelmed, not malicious. Together, they turn everyday annoyances into a smarter conversation about empathy, projection, and the stories we invent when we don’t have the full picture. If you’ve ever judged a stranger in public, vented about your spouse in a group chat, or felt judged yourself, this episode will hit home. Perfect for anyone trying to be less reactive, more compassionate, and a little less certain that the first thing they notice is the whole truth.
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This episode may include references to alcohol. As always, we encourage responsible sipping- water, mocktails, and coffee count too.
Grab your glass and pull up a chair. It's time for your favorite girls' night in.
SPEAKER_00Welcome to Pouring and Parenting. We're your besties, Sill and Ainish. We're here to laugh through the chaos. Hello, Poorers. Let's start the show. Welcome to another episode of Pouring and Parenting. I'm Sill, and I'm Ainish. And today we are going to be talking about judging others. What? About how we are guilty, whether we want to admit it or not, that we are judgmental people. Probably more than we even realize. But before we get into that, Einish, what are you drinking today?
SPEAKER_01Today I am drinking something very different. I was out and about and decided to get a pack of Angry Orchards. Oh, okay. So that's what I'm sipping on. This one's already been open, but I'm gonna finish this one and crack a new one open with you. Oh yeah. Okay. Oh, I haven't had one of those in a while. I know. Yeah. It's it's good. It'll probably be an probably be another while before I do this again. It's sweet. It is sweet. Yeah. For sure. Six pack. On tap is the best though. On tap is definitely the best. It's for you know, it's not as sweet for some reason. I don't know. It's more crisp. It's more crisp. So this this is definitely that's it. Six pack was more than enough. But not you still. I agree.
SPEAKER_00So today, well, my pour for the day is a white claw. Just like last week, I luckily still had more in the fridge. I'm trying not to drink as much during the week. Um saving the calories for real food. So I I still had some and I was very happy. So yep, black cherry, white claw. Here we go. Cheers! All right, so I judge people. I'll admit it. I try not to I really have a confession. I am a judger. Yes. And there's nothing like realizing that you judge people, like sitting in church and literally judging the person in front of you. And that was me last week. But oh my gosh. I don't want to. I don't want to judge people, especially when I'm at charge, just trying to be a better person. But there was, these were older people. I want to say maybe in their 50s, late 50s, I want to say. It was like three or four couples sitting in front of us. And there was this one lady in particular who she would just bait to the group, and she like sat in the middle of someone. She sneezed on her husband's shirt sleeve. Imagine just sitting in front of me. I'm just like, like, I can't imagine doing that to my husband and him just being okay. Like, he's like, what? The heck? Like, he would have looked at me crazy. The guy would have just took it. So just another sunding. Right. I'm like, okay, just pay attention. Just pay attention. And then she's whispering to the lady next to her, like, I don't know if they're gossiping. Now I'm just passing on the judgment. What the freak are you talking about? What could be so important that you've got to talk right now? And I am, and this is when I realized I'm so ADD or ADHD or whatever. Just I need you to stop moving because I need to focus. And every time we turn to look at this person, now I'm trying to figure out what the heck you guys are talking about. I just I lose focus. And I'm stop. I cannot sit in front of people who just can't stay still because then I lose focus. But I swear they were like giggling and talking the majority of the time. I'm just thinking all these things in my head. Like, this must not be your home church because you are not respecting our pastor right now. You clearly have no freaking matters. You must be high. I was just thinking the craziest stuff. Like, what is going on? Why do you and she's giggling and she keeps turning to her friend? Why doesn't her friend tell her something?
SPEAKER_01Shut up, lady. Let me receive the word. That's so funny. You mentioned being distracted, easily distracted. Real quick story. My husband and I went to a show on Broadway in New York a few years back. And our oldest was a baby. Our parents traveled with us. It was this we bought a nice family trip to New York and Broadway. And we were on our phones, and a New Yorker next to me was lean. He was like, Can you stop? He was like, You're being so distracted right now. And I was like, excuse me. I was like, I'm checking on my keys. And then I don't recall him saying anything after that, but he was distracted by the light. And the show I see. They there were they were singing, I think, or something. It was during a song during the the Broadway show, but he was very distracting. I didn't even even notice he was there. And I was thinking, like, well, dang, how long have you been looking over my shoulder? How long have I been distracting? And I was like, how long have you been here? But yeah, so I've been guilty of, I guess, distracting another patron. Darn you.
SPEAKER_00Not on purpose. Just judges. And I bet you though, I mean, so, you know, it's just gonna kind of coincide to what we're gonna talk about today. You're checking on your kids, and that is why you're looking at your phone. And this guy is probably judging you, this bee, she's being rude, like she doesn't even want to be here. Like, why is she here? She's probably on her phone, on social media, whatever. You know, his ideas came to his head based on what he's seen from you, but you're like, I'm checking on my kid, and this is why I waited until there was a song coming on so that I could do this. Yeah, not to miss the dialogue. They didn't even come for the second act, they left after the um intermission and they were gone. Right, okay. See? So it just makes sense. And you know, we all judge, okay? Because now you're probably thinking, oh, you didn't even stay, you know, F you and blah, blah, blah, passing judgment on them while they were passing judgment on you, but they didn't have the full context. They didn't really know what was going on. Yeah. So once again, we're gonna be focusing on how judgment manifests uniquely in all of us. So whether you're a man, a woman, a um, married woman, whoever you are, one way or another, we pass judgment. So the first trap is judging based on evidence. Now, typically, when you judge someone, you must have some type of evidence. You must have something to judge them on. So the concept is that people are actively trying to pivot from emotional or instinctual judgment to evidence-based assessment. Evidence-based assessment can still be a trap, though, as we rarely have full context or the complete data set of someone else's life. So typically we'll have some type of evidence, but we don't have the full story, right? We'll get what we see, and a lot of times it's kind of biased as well. How do we fix that? Like, how do we shift from judging the person to evaluating the behavior with empathy? How do we get away from mindless superficial gossip toward what people justify as evidence-based judgment? So there is a rise of internet sleuthing, true crime obsession, and online call-out culture. Okay, yes, you were one of those true crime-obsessed people. I don't get it. Okay. And we as a species have trained ourselves to act like detectives sometimes. And we tell ourselves, I'm not being mean, I'm just looking at the facts. We gather our receipts, we observe behaviors, we're building a case in our minds before rendering a verdict on another person's parenting or marriage or character. Now, why is evidence-based judgment a trap? Human beings are hardwired to look for evidence that confirms what they already want to believe. It's what you want to believe, which is a bias. There's something called the illusion of truth. Having data points makes us feel intellectually justified in our judgment. So, whatever you have as data, whether it be a text message, um, how someone chose to dress some specific interaction, we feel that we can justify our judgment based on what we see or what we observe. But there's a context gap. We mistake data for the whole story. So, in science, think back to our science days, you know, our science experiments and whatnot, okay, a single data point doesn't prove a hypothesis. You have to gather data more than one time in order to prove your point, to prove whether your hypothesis was true or not. However, us as humans in a society in our social circles, we use one single piece of evidence and we can't condemn an entire person. That's it. You're the cheater, you're the liar, you're the dirt bag, you know, whatever the case. The dirtbag. It's crazy. You're a buffoon, whatever it is. Okay, based on a single piece of evidence. Okay. And then the thing is that we could be reading it out of context, just like in Inace's story about being at Broadway and someone telling her that she's being distracting. Well, that person doesn't know what she's doing. He is assuming, most likely, that she's disinterested, that she doesn't want to be there, that she's just on her phone. Well, in reality, she was checking on her kids. Now, what if he or did he change his mind after she said, I'm checking up on my kids? Was it, oh shoot, okay, my bad. Who knows? Because he didn't really say anything. But maybe he felt like a jerk after, like, oh shoot, you know what, my bad. You don't know. You you just make these assumptions based on what you see without having the whole story. So here's an evidence-based scenario. It's called the missing playdate mom. So I need I'm going to give you the evidence gathered, and you're gonna come up with a verdict, and then I will give you what you're missing. So here's the first piece of evidence. Fact A, Sarah missed the last three school PTA planning meetings despite RSVPing yes. Fact B, she forgot it was her turn to bring the soccer snacks last Saturday, leaving the kids with nothing to drink after a hot game. I'd be annoyed at this. Fact C another mom spotted her sitting alone at a local coffee shop on Tuesday morning, staring at her laptop, seemingly relaxed during the exact time she had said she was too swamped to help with the school bake sale. What is your judgment on Sarah?
SPEAKER_01That she's just a busy mom. And maybe she's getting her calendar mixed up and over exerting herself. She's that's what I would say. I mean, if she's gonna go out of her way to RSVP and all that stuff, maybe she's just not putting in her calendar. She has poor management skills and she's juggling a lot. That's what I would say. How do you feel about the snacks? The snacks. That I mean, that's annoying. Yeah, yeah, that'd be definitely annoying. And I would definitely make sure that the coach would not reprimand her, right? Because I'm sure she volunteered to do that, but she's a grown woman. But how do you handle that? She's an adult, you forgot, yeah, that sucks. The kids have water and the kids expect snacks, but just if you can't do it, please let someone know next time. She has poor communication skills. That's what I'm gathering.
SPEAKER_00Okay. And then all of a sudden you've run into Sarah and she's just chilling at the coffee shop on her laptop, but yet you know that she didn't go to the PTA meetings and she forgot snacks on Saturday.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, if she's at a coffee shop, I would that's a place people go to to be quiet and maybe peace. So maybe she left her house. If she's at the soccer game, she has kids. Maybe she can't get anything done at home, so she's going to the coffee shop. I won't judge it that hard. I give people the benefit of the doubt for the most part. But clearly, this is hoping you'd be a little more judgmental, gosh darn it. No, I'm not I'm not a judgy type of girl. I'm do you, is how I see it. What yeah, would I do I get frustrated? I get I absolutely get frustrated, but also I don't I don't pass judgment. I if if I see is if you were at the club turning up and throwing back shots, then I'm like, okay, girl, like what are we what are we doing? But yeah, you're at the coffee shop, you found a quiet space, you're in front of your computer, perhaps you're working, the kids are at school, and you need to get out of the house to get your life together. That's right.
SPEAKER_00All right, so so a typical judgmental person would go straight to the mom's thread, whatever mom thread they're on, and she would say Sarah is selfish, she's unreliable, and checked out. She lies about being busy so she can get me time at the coffee shop while rest while the rest of us have to pull the weight for her kids. Okay, so that was one of the scenarios that can happen when you have like a mom group who's gonna pass judgment. But here's what you don't know about Sarah. Her husband was laid off two months ago and on the brink of losing their house. She missed the meetings because she was up all night working on her side hustles or business to pay the bills, and she overslept from being exhausted. She forgot the soccer snacks because she couldn't afford them that week. But she was just too embarrassed to admit it. When you saw her at the coffee shop, she wasn't relaxing, she was actually frantically applying for jobs on her laptop using the coffee shop's free Wi-Fi because their home internet was cut off. So that's what she didn't know about Sarah. So shame. Luckily, you didn't judge her too hard, right? Because then you'd be feeling like a jerk right now. So, how do we pivot from being detectives of fault to detectives of context?
SPEAKER_01It starts by replacing our exclamation points with question marks. When we act as detectives at fault, we see something and immediately say, aha, she forgot the snacks because she's lazy. To pivot. Lazy beach. To pivot, we have to force a pause and ask questions or ask a question instead. Wow, she forgot the snacks, and that's really unlike her. I wonder what's going on in her world today. We have to train ourselves to look for reasons as to why uh a good person might have a bad day rather than assuming a bad day proves they are a bad person. I like that. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So let's not assume a bad day proves they are a bad person. We all go through stuff and we could be having a bad day. And I would hate to be judged based on my actions for me having a bad day and being classified or labeled, I should say, as she's lazy or she's unreliable, or like you you don't know what people are going through. And I think that's kind of like the heart of what this is like basically the whole idea of it. When we're judging someone, you don't know the context, you don't know what people are going through. So it's easy to be like, she doesn't want to be here at the Broadway show, she's just on her phone, or she's unreliable because she didn't bring the snacks. And now the kids are dehydrated and they're hungry and moody and all this stuff. And my kid was upset because they didn't get their snacks. We don't know the whole context of someone's situation. So, like I said, I I am someone who judges. I don't want to, and I I try to work on it. Church judging people for God's sake. God knows I'm working on it, and I know he puts trials and tribulations in front of me and he does it right in church. And I'm like, why? I don't know what that lady was going through. I don't know what she's going through. Maybe she's on medication and she just can't stay still. Maybe she had a lot of coffee that morning. I don't know. So, do I think she was like maliciously trying to like sabotage me? Sometimes your personal experience with church. Like, no, she probably had no clue that she was disturbing me at all. Just like you had no clue that your phone was disturbing that person that you didn't even know was behind you. So we need context, guys. Yes. We have to actively assume that people are clumsy, tired, overwhelmed, and are not malicious. So, as a people, we are all drowning in invisible mental loads. If a mom misses a meeting, our default setting should be, man, her calendar must be a disaster area right now. Just like Anish said earlier, like her calendar must be full. And a lot of us, our calendars are full. So we should be more understanding if another mom misses something. We project context onto ourselves all the time. Oh, this is why I yelled at my kids because I'm tired. So why don't we extend that same grace to other people? Makes sense. Yes, absolutely.
SPEAKER_01I think it makes sense. I I'm judging people, I feel like I get judged a lot. So I don't want to project that towards other people. It's not, it doesn't feel good to get to be on the other end of that if you're getting judged with stuff. Right.
SPEAKER_00It's not I agree for sure. I mean, it sucks. We all do it at the same time. We're all guilty of it, but we've also experienced that judgment. But unfortunately, especially if you look online, uh, which is probably the worst place to look, but if you look online, there's so much judgment being passed every single day. It's crazy. I don't think I would ever make it as a big time celebrity just because they're judged for so much craziness. Like they're just trying to live their normal lives and they're getting judged, and people don't even know them. They're being judged by people who wouldn't even recognize them in the street. It's so insane how people are so quick to judge people. They have no idea what they're going through if they don't know who they are.
SPEAKER_01Yes. So I do hope that we as podcasters can make it up to be kind of a big time. So big time.
SPEAKER_00I mean, yes. That's why my key words were like big time celebrities. I can make it as a celebrity, but a big time celebrity, I don't know.
SPEAKER_01Okay. That's not wanna don't wanna put that in the universe. So negatively universe, we wanna be celebrated. Well, we don't want to be celebrities, but just get our our voices, let our voices wearing.
SPEAKER_00All right. When we see evidence or someone struggling or acting out, why is it our first instinct to judge their character rather than wonder about their burden? What do you think, Ainish? It's because it's easier.
SPEAKER_01We had an episode actually where you were judging Miss Judgy going back to a Reddit episode. And I think the easier way out is just to assume you have no class. You you don't have common sense. You are I'm not gonna make an excuse for you because your actions. And so it's easier to to do that. Unfortunately, it's easier to be negative. And and I it's sad to say, but in living in the world that we live in, a lot, a lot of people are just angry. They're negative, they are dealing with their own stress, so I'm not gonna give you an excuse, and I'm dealing with something right now, so no, do better. So that's fine. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And like I said, I I'm working on it. I am working on being less judgy, and I can admit that I do judge, and I try not to. I feel like I'm more of an absorber, but because I am an observer, I see a lot of things, and then I start to judge. So I know I I don't speak on it too much, but obviously I have a platform here and we talk about stuff, so yes, I'm gonna judge. Speak about, but yes, exactly. One of the reasons why we our first instinct is to judge is called the scarcity and insecurity mindset. So, because tearing someone else's performance makes us feel more secure in our own. So, motherhood and marriage feel like an ungraded exam every single day, and we are all terrified we are failing. When we see Sarah, who we use as an example earlier, miss her meetings, forget to talk or snacks, our broken human brain subconsciously think, well, at least I remembered snacks. I might be a mess, but I'm doing better than her. So we have that judging character, and it gives us this like temporary validation that we're doing things right, just because we're doing something better than the next person. But in reality, we're all really struggling. So it just makes us, like I said, temporarily feel a little bit better. But there's also a psychological track. So when we mess up, we blame our circumstances. Like I'm late because traffic was terrible. But when someone else messes up, we blame their personality. Oh, she's late, she's late because she's disrespectful and disorganized. So it takes mental energy to wonder about someone's hidden burdens. And frankly, as busy people, we are often too tired to do the emotional heavy lifting of empathy. Judging someone takes two seconds. Investigating their burden takes time and a relationship. So let that sink in. It is so much faster and easier to judge someone because we see it here like right in front of us. This is what's happening. I'm gonna judge you based on what I see at the moment. But in order to investigate, in order to have empathy with someone, we have to have some type of relationship. And some of us are like, oh, I'm too busy to dig that deep or become that deep with this person. I'd rather just judge them and move on.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's like social media. That's that's trap. One person says something and the people take it around with it. All those little Twitter fingers. Yeah, somebody will just make up a story and people are liking it, or I heard this and I read this somewhere. Yeah, they have no idea what's going on at all. So exactly.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's easy. All right, so let's go into some real world scenarios and breakdown. So we're gonna just walk through some common daily scenarios and judgment scenarios. So let's see how that goes. So, first we're gonna go through a parenting scenario. So the screen time meltdown. So here's your evidence, Ainish. A mother is sitting at a restaurant booth scrolling on her phone while her toddler watches an iPad on full blast, eating nothing but French fries. What are your thoughts?
SPEAKER_01Um if anything, I'm just annoyed. Why is that so loud? I wish that person would turn it. I wish mommy would turn that down a little bit. Because that's because yeah, it's distracting me. And if I'm with my kids, they may look at me, wondering why they're not watching them or something. Right. So yeah, it's so just annoyance and wondering why you're in a public place with that so loudly. I don't care that your child's eating french fries. That has nothing to do with me. I don't know what their diet intake is. But I'm no I'm no dietitian to judge if you're giving your child french fries. But you're now you're just disturbing me. Not even distracting it's distracting because it's loud. So that'd be the only thing. It's just annoyance as to why is it so loud. You're not the only person in here where the kids had the phones at. If it if it needs to be that loud, maybe for you know, maybe the child has something and they need to hear loud noise. But yeah, that's it.
SPEAKER_00I don't care if your kids are eating French fries, they're eating, they're not starving. Cool. The fact that you're on your phone and your kids on their tablet, like what unfortunately that's a society we're in. But I would be really annoyed if I'm just maybe like back to back booths and my ear is right here. Your kid's iPad is right next to my ear. Like I don't want to hear that. Like I didn't come to this restaurant to hear freaking Bluey on Blast. Like, no, thank you. Or YouTube on Blast in my ear. Like, I don't I don't want that. Like I'm here to eat and spend time with whomever I'm with. I don't want to hear this TV or you know show behind me. I feel like I would be judged. Like just because you don't want to talk to your child or whatever the case is, like, why should I have to deal with this when we're at a public place? Like turn it down, like do something else. Like, but here's the missing context. So this mom just spent six hours at the hospital visiting a sick relative. This is the child's only 20 minutes of screen time all week, but it is a survival tactic so she can text her husband updates. Now, thinking about it, like, okay, I've been maybe not in this scenario before, but as a survival tactic, sometimes, yes, here, I just need a couple minutes. Here's the phone, whatever. Let me just do what I gotta do, or let me just breathe, or whatever the case is. Like I'm having an anxiety attack right now. Just take the phone, do whatever. I just need my piece. Now, mind you, I probably wouldn't do that at the restaurant, but it is what it is. And so I get that. So and I think a lot of us have probably been in that space, but of course, we're quick to judge someone else. And then we always have a a reason or excuse. Well, I did this because I I was going through something, or no, I needed them to be quiet for a little bit. But we see someone else doing it. Oh, while she was on her phone and he had the iPad on blast, and all he ate was French fries. He didn't eat anything nutritious, blah, blah, blah. Like we're just so quick to pass judgment on on others. And we can many of us are guilty about giving our kids some screen time just to be able to survive.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Let's jump into the next scenario. The roommate dynamic. The evidence. Still, are you ready? Oh, I'm ready. A married woman complains constantly in a group text about her husband forgetting to do the dishes, jokingly calling him her oldest child. The judgment. She doesn't respect her husband, she degrades him to her friends, and her marriage is probably failing.
SPEAKER_00How do you feel about that scenario? So, in the group messages, if I'm constantly seeing my friend complain about her husband, calling him her oldest child or whatever, and you just kind of keep seeing this. It's kind of like, oh my gosh, like either tell him something already, what are you doing? Make him do it, or not make him, but talk to him about like doing dishes. If he's acting like a child, get that fixed or stop complaining. I that's one thing I don't I don't like to hear the same complaints over and over again. Kind of like when you're younger and you're dating and you hear your friend talking about, oh, he's he's cheating or he's doing this or doing that. It's like, okay, then why are you with him again? So, same thing here. Yes, you're married, but if he's you're constantly calling him your oldest child and just kind of talking about him, get that situation under control because after a while it's like, okay, like do you hate him? You know, you start to think, how deep does this really go? Is she deflecting? Just makes jokes about it. What's the real truth behind it?
SPEAKER_01Yes, no, I I'd probably be kind of judgy with this type of scenario. I don't like people complaining to me about the same thing and not taking initiative to fix it. That's where it gets frustrated to me. I don't mind you complaining to me about something, but what are you doing to fix it? Especially when it comes to relationships. You can vent to me, by all means vent to me, and I'll stand by you and we can both talk about them if that makes you feel better. But if it's constantly venting about the same thing. So I wouldn't be judgy when it comes to that. Like, girl, like, what are we doing? Right. Let's move on to what most women would think for the most part, is she doesn't respect her husband, she degrades him to her friends, and her marriage is probably failing. But they actually have an incredibly healthy, communicative marriage and a great sex life, but she uses self-deprecating humor as a flawed way to bond with other stress moms in the chat. What a weird way to do that.
SPEAKER_00Or maybe she doesn't want to look too like she's bragging. Right. So now that we have the missing contents, it's like, okay, that makes sense. And I I would say I have been in that situation before, listening to other women. I guess do what this married woman was doing, you know, kind of talk badly about their husbands. But this definitely was not the self-deprecating humor. It was actually real facts. Like, you know, their husbands don't do the dishes, their husbands don't help with the laundry, the husband, you know, just a lot of stuff they don't do. So my husband, I'm very blessed that he does do laundry. He does help with the dishes, he does do a lot around the house that a lot of men don't do. I I've noticed. And I mean, my mind you every household has a different dynamic. But I'm when I'm hearing this, I kind of was like, oh yeah, you know, I kind of like throw my husband under the bus a little bit. I don't want to brag. Like, you know, why am I, oh well, he does all this stuff. Like, well, that's freaking rude, you know, like bragging about him in that sense. I mean, it's it's not a bad thing that he does all these, but when you have all these women talking about it, you're gonna be like the only one or one of the only ones that's like, well, my husband's the best and he does all this stuff.
SPEAKER_01Like, hey, bitch, get out of here.
SPEAKER_00You're in a perfect marriage, you need a happy life. And it's not, but you know, then you have people judging you. So I I get it, but at the same time, you can't do that too much because if you're constantly right calling him your oldest child, like, dang, you're selling that good. Right.
SPEAKER_01Or maybe she's also trying to make him not look too attractive because women can be real real shady. Like, oh, he does all of that. Like, when's the next party you're gonna have so I can show up? Or let's go out, all of this. So maybe she's really trying to downplay because you know, too. Don't come for my man. Yeah. You mentioned she has a great sex life, she's not blessed than that.
SPEAKER_00Right. Oh no, no, thank you. This just happened the other day, and I want to take, I want Anisha's take on it because no, she's not a judgy person like I am, but I feel like I might get some judgment from this particular scenario here. So the other day, I was at a light, and on the other side of the street, which is not the main road, but it's still a busy road, there was a ma and her two kids crossing the street, not at the crosswalk. Yes. However, she was in front of her kids, and these little ones were behind her and a couple feet behind her. They were young, like definitely like six or seven, and like maybe four or three little young boys. And she's just so ahead, like she's practically at the car, and these kids are still in the middle of the street. She did not turn around once. And I'm watching this happen, and I'm just like, if you live here, which most likely you do, you know that cars go really fast down this street. Like, even though it's not a main street and there's always a lot of cars on each side parked, it's really hard to kind of gauge things sometimes. What would you be thinking if you're witnessing this?
SPEAKER_01I would judge. You know I am about streets. Oddly enough, I would it's not even funny, but I surprisingly know a lot of people that have gotten hit by cars. And that's a weird thing to say, I think, personally. But I was having this conversation with a friend of mine, and I had story after story about people being hit by cars, and one was a child, and so that to me would take me off. My husband and I'm teaching my boys not to put their life on the line, but our bodies are smaller, so typically women need to walk on the, you know, on the inside of the sidewalk and that, but no, no, no child gets left behind. I'm judging. Why are your kids behind you? But then the more I'm thinking about it, my instant thought would be, I'm judging you. Because why would you do that? What's happening in your life right now? Do you want them to get hit? Are you that over it? Because then I'm then I start thinking deeper. She's tired, she's over it, I'm exhausted. You're gonna catch up. You better catch up. I I get hit, it'll teach you a lesson to walk in front of me next time. And when I say things like that, I I immediately after, like, why would her kids be behind her? Oh, she must be really tired because I would never let my kids walk behind me, or she must be over it. Today is the is just she was at her last it would end, and she said it was time to go ten times, and she decided to start walking. That's how uh when you first started telling the your story right now. My first thought I was thinking about were deers, and that's how I know very Lord, I listed all the states that I've lived in over these past years, and so I see I see how nature moves. It's the parents are typically leading. How many how many videos have you seen where a deer or a bear or whoever has to go back and get the baby because I already crossed the street, keep up with me. You're you followed the hide. So that was my first thought. Mom's mom's moving like a like a doe.
SPEAKER_00Interesting. Okay. I did think of it. When I saw that, I was like, oh, I should uh definitely be in her thoughts right now. How many kids does she have? There were two. There were two little ones.
SPEAKER_01I would have picked them up.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I would have picked them up. I feel like she should have done that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I just I was surprised. Like it was it's not like it's a dead end street or anything like that. Like cars are literally going in two directions. And I I mean I was just kind of like, really? I'm not gonna look back once to see how far they are from you. Nothing. Oh, yes. I was judging her as a mother. Nothing. I don't think those are your siblings. I mean, I guess it could could have been, but I mean, regardless.
SPEAKER_01Right, and then you hear the story. Right, I know the context. She's like she's 14 and she's not a bond. Worst news ever. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Dang it, the context. Forgot that. Yes, I don't know. But see, I mean, once again, like I said, I'm a work in progress, but I will say, I will say that part of me trying to do better is asking those questions, you know, those curious questions instead of so judgmental. My dude, this this case that I just mentioned, I feel like that was a little more like really watch your kids. Regardless of who you are, you you're crossing the street, your kids should be in front of you, or you should be holding their hand. Like that's it. But I I have tried to do better with asking questions, I guess in my head, most likely. Uh, when I see something, it's like, why, like, why would this be something that this person is doing? Like, you know, what are they going through that's so bad that they feel like this is the way they're acting out or posting this on social media, or what have they been through in their life that this is the way they move? I've been trying to look at things that way instead of being so judgmental. But then there's other times where it's like, damn, you make it hard to not be judgmental. I'm trying here, and you are just giving me all this ammo.
SPEAKER_01Like I said, I feel I've been judged, especially moving city to city and state to state, and being the minority and not the guess I'm always the minority, but in in California, everyone's everyone's a minority in California, right? There's no majority really. But I feel the judgy eyes and people probably wondering why I'm in their town, and they're probably making up their s their own scenarios and passing judgment on me and trying to figure out why we're here. And and and they don't ask questions, but they stare. So it's at this point, it's I can spot the stares or the the looks from a mile away. It doesn't bother me by any means. My skin is definitely too thick for all of that. It's entertaining to say the least, but but it is something that I've noticed that people I know like I know you're judging me. I know you're trying to figure out why I'm here. So for other people that maybe they don't have as thick of skin as me, and and maybe they're the ones being judged, and they wish that someone would look at the bigger picture. Just just try to keep your head up and try not to let the stairs bother you because you know what you're going through, you know your story, and you'll probably either never see that person again, maybe you've seen them in the past. And if you do, who cares? Just just keep doing what you're doing to get to the place that you want to be at.
SPEAKER_00So sad. All right, so as we wrap up, we want to give our pores some homework. Okay, so challenge yourself to catch yourself judging this week. Okay. Now, if you're just not judging, cool. But if you do judge, try to catch yourself and ask yourself, what am I lacking that makes me judge this? Or what could this person be going through that they're doing this or acting this way? So not look at everything like people have malicious intent, but what are they going through? Let's try to gain some empathy instead of being so judgmental this week. I like it. All right. Thank you for listening to another episode of Pouring and Parenting. Where sip happens and we pour about it.